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African American Weddings

Bringing bad news with some peace.

Hello Ladies,
I know its been a very long time since I checked in.  I just had to let you ladies know what has happened this week.

Sunday - MIL decided that she wanted to die and that she wanted to make peace with me.
I made plans to go to Maryland to see her this upcoming sunday. 
Monday - MIL went back into Hospice
Tuesday - DH called me and said MIL was in and out of consiousness and was still calling for me.  I got someone to cover my shift and left work at 5:20, 6pm, got home, washed important body parts, packed a bag and left for maryland by 6:30.  10pm I arrived at hospice center to her, completely non responsive.

I sat by her side.  Everyone left the room so I could talk to her.  Assuming that she could still hear and understand me.  I told her that I love her son and that I understood that people have questioned my motives but that they've always been honest and true.  I promised her that I'd take care of her son.  That he would never be alone.  I told her that I was so sorry that we never got to get to know each other better as that our life stories are so similar.  Both nurses and single moms of two sons.  I told her that I always understood her reservations about me but that I wanted her to know that there was no need for them.  I told her that her sister expressed to me that she wanted to make peace and that it was made. 

I let everyone know that I had finished talking to her and they returned.  I helped her sister clean her up for bed.  I had slept the night in the common room on a couch.  Hubbie stayed in her room on a pull out chair. 

Wednesday:  I had to be to work at 11 am the next day so I left at 4:30 am.  I pulled up a chair near her before I left and read psalm 23 to her: 

The Lord is my shepherd;I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

She started to gurgle a bit through the psalm, I paused for her and continued.

I held her hand and said good bye.

She died before 12noon.


Hubbie was in the room with her but, he was asleep and missed her last breath.  Her best friend held her hand.  As I understand it, she gave orders to "aunty evil" to "cut it out" and she wanted peace.  She gave her blessing for our marriagge.  (Im crying as I write this). 

Hubbie is doing well.  His retarded but tried to go to work today and Abuela sent him home (good for his butt, I told him not to go) ... The big boss at his job is an older hispanic lady so we call her abuela (spanish word for grandma).  She is always looking out for him. 

Ladies.  Sisters, I am so overwhelmed with emotions.  About how I feel about how everything went down.  Part of me now just feels like the devil robbed me & her from knowing each other but, there is ALWAYS God who gets the last word and brings peace to all who love and aknowledge him and his power.  That includes both her and I who were granted peace in her last day.

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Re: Bringing bad news with some peace.

  • I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad you were able to make peace.
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  • Mer..this made me tear up. I am so happy you 2 made peace with each other and that she is no longer suffering. I will be praying for you and your husband during this trying time. God will be there in you guys darkest hour and will bring you to the light. I pray for you to be strong for your husband and yourself. Love you sissy
  • Mer, glad you made peace with her. Will keep you and your family in my prayers. Sorry for your loss.

    Cha
    click here to view our Amazing Love wedding website Anniversary
  • Mer... I also sorry for your loss.. GOD ALWAYS IS WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES...ALWAYS WORKING ON BOTH OF YOUR HEARTS... I am soon thankful u were able to get to MD and spend those precious private moments together.. She truly needed that peace.. and I TOTALLY BELIEVE SHE HEARD EVERY WORD YOU SAID.. and she knows it was from ur heart.. your marital bond has gotten stronger and more solid!!!
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  • edited October 2012
    Mere I am so sorry to hear this news. I must say I am glad that you were able to make peace with you MIL. God always knows what he is doing and he gave your husband a little bit of peace when she took her last breath while he was sleep. I will be praying for you and your husband. I'm sorry for your loss. Case
  • Mer I'm so sorry to here this. I am also glad that in the end peace was made. You have been through SO much and you are so strong. I pray you and your husband find comfort in the Lord. Praying for your family.
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  • I'm so glad you made peace with her
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  • Thank God you were able to make peace with her...and im sorry to hear of your loss, may God bless you and your hubby and the family! Im sure this isnt easy for you all and i will keep you and the family in my prayers

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



  • Your post brought tears to my eyes.  I am so very happy that you were able to sit with your MIL and that the two of you were at peace with each other.  While she may not have been able to articulate her feelings it was said.  The passing of a loved one is NEVER easy.  So I pray for peace to your FH, you, and all involved.   God's blessings to you all. 



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



  • I'm happy that you guys got to have that moment together. My thoughts are with ya'll. Sorry for your loss.
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  • sorry to hear about mil glad you two could make peace.... you both are in my prayers
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bringing-bad-news-with-some-peace?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:34e87fa0-d3d5-4be5-b17c-1f3630b4406ePost:759754e2-7d33-4ac5-9b0c-986021916b5f">Bringing bad news with some peace.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello Ladies, I know its been a very long time since I checked in.  I just had to let you ladies know what has happened this week. Sunday - MIL decided that she wanted to die and that she wanted to make peace with me. I made plans to go to Maryland to see her this upcoming sunday.  Monday - MIL went back into Hospice Tuesday - DH called me and said MIL was in and out of consiousness and was still calling for me.  I got someone to cover my shift and left work at 5:20, 6pm, got home, washed important body parts, packed a bag and left for maryland by 6:30.  10pm I arrived at hospice center to her, completely non responsive. I sat by her side.  Everyone left the room so I could talk to her.  Assuming that she could still hear and understand me.  I told her that I love her son and that I understood that people have questioned my motives but that they've always been honest and true.  I promised her that I'd take care of her son.  That he would never be alone.  I told her that I was so sorry that we never got to get to know each other better as that our life stories are so similar.  Both nurses and single moms of two sons.  I told her that I always understood her reservations about me but that I wanted her to know that there was no need for them.  I told her that her sister expressed to me that she wanted to make peace and that it was made.  I let everyone know that I had finished talking to her and they returned.  I helped her sister clean her up for bed.  I had slept the night in the common room on a couch.  Hubbie stayed in her room on a pull out chair.  Wednesday:  I had to be to work at 11 am the next day so I left at 4:30 am.  I pulled up a chair near her before I left and read psalm 23 to her:  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2  He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. 3  He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. 4  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 5  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. 6  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell [ a ] in the house of the Lord Forever. She started to gurgle a bit through the psalm, I paused for her and continued. I held her hand and said good bye. She died before 12noon. Hubbie was in the room with her but, he was asleep and missed her last breath.  Her best friend held her hand.  As I understand it, she gave orders to "aunty evil" to "cut it out" and she wanted peace.  She gave her blessing for our marriagge.  (Im crying as I write this).  Hubbie is doing well.  His retarded but tried to go to work today and Abuela sent him home (good for his butt, I told him not to go) ... The big boss at his job is an older hispanic lady so we call her abuela (spanish word for grandma).  She is always looking out for him.  Ladies.  Sisters, I am so overwhelmed with emotions.  About how I feel about how everything went down.  Part of me now just feels like the devil robbed me & her from knowing each other but, there is ALWAYS God who gets the last word and brings peace to all who love and aknowledge him and his power.  That includes both her and I who were granted peace in her last day.
    Posted by RealHappyGal[/QUOTE]

    Wow Meredith! All I can say is Yes God get's the glory in everything. I'm so sorry for your loss and it seems that DH is doing as well as can be expected. I will continue to pray for you and your family during this time and if there is anything that I can do (even if its just pray with and for you) I'm here.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_bringing-bad-news-with-some-peace?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:34e87fa0-d3d5-4be5-b17c-1f3630b4406ePost:a391aa81-2cd5-4360-b00b-c9475bed6b6d">Re: Bringing bad news with some peace.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your post brought tears to my eyes.  I am so very happy that you were able to sit with your MIL and that the two of you were at peace with each other.  While she may not have been able to articulate her feelings it was said.  The passing of a loved one is NEVER easy.  So I pray for peace to your FH, you, and all involved.   God's blessings to you all. 
    Posted by island07b2b[/QUOTE]



    All of this! Well said.
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  • edited October 2012
    Mery I'm sorry for your loss.  I know no words can bring comfort to you and Wayne but I am relieved that for both you and your mother in law, your hearts were open to receive each other.  What a blessing!  It's never easy, but may it get easier to accept.   
  • So sorry for your loss. I am glad that you were able to be there to make peace. That being said as a nurse you know how important those last wishes are. You have me in tears over here and I have exactly 6 minutes to get it together. Praying for yall
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  • Very sorry for your loss. So glad you were there to make peace. Sending my prayers to you and your fi.



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  • Sorry for your loss Mer. Glad you were able to make peace. You are an amzing wife!
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  • Mer i am so sorry for your loss, but i am glad that ya'll finally made peace.I will continue to pray for you and your family and strength of your husband. My little eyes was watering as i read this.. Stay strong hun, and you know we are here for you.
    key
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