What's a good RSVP date if you are sane?

sarah0725 · May 2011

So, I'm putting my invitations in the mail 8 weeks before the wedding, like a normal person who listens to Emily Post should do. I just looked in my etiquette book, and there are no guidelines for when to set the RSVP date, so I checked online and found all sorts of bonkers stuff from nutcases who put their invites in the mail four months before the wedding and made the RSVP date two months ahead so they would have time to send invites out to their B and C lists and also acquire the correct number of goats to hand out as favors. And now I have heartburn.

So, if you are a sane person, what's a good deadline for RSVPs? My venue doesn't require a final head count until a week out, but since we're having the RSVPs go to our home in WI and we're spending the week before the wedding in NJ, I feel like I should give myself a smidge more time than that.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2011

I had mine a month out but I did not even start calling people until about three weeks out. I say anywhere from 2-4 weeks is a good area since you may still have to make the seating chart and escort cards and those are both headaches.

jessicabessica · May 2011

I think a little under a month is somewhat normal. We did June 8 for our July 3 wedding. We picked a Wednesday so that if people mail them on the due date, we should get them by the weekend, and then we can call any stragglers over the weekend.

aragx6 · May 2011

I'd probably set it on the wedenesday 2 1/2 weeks out, give them a couple days past that date to see what trickles in, call everyone that weekend, follow-up that week if necessary and know your final count just before you leave for the wedding.

mica178 · May 2011

My RSVPs were due 4 weeks before the wedding (my final headcount was due 2 weeks before the wedding). We started bugging people for answers about a week after the due date.

AdeleDazeem · May 2011

We need a final headcount a week before our AHR.

I made the RSVP date two weeks before the AHR. Easy peasy.

I think you should give the deadline of one week before you leave. This way some of the last few will trickle in while making phone calls to those who haven't responded.

That's my opinion anyway :-)

EDIT: I did not think of seating chart issues. Yeah... maybe two weeks before you go away.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

i had january 30 for a feb 21 wedding. headcoutn was due by feb 14. that gave me 2 weeks.

sarah0725 · May 2011

Hm, my birthday is a little less than three weeks before the wedding... maybe I should make it that day and then pretend the stragglers are birthday presents.

You sane people are so refreshing. I'm kind of afraid to venture anywhere for WR stuff besides here.

DNAtime · May 2011

We just sent out our invites for our 7-17 wedding. (8 weeks baby!)

Our final count is due on July 11th. Our RSVP date is July 1st. I figure we will call people after the 4th that gives us a week to get confirmation on stragglers.

I am not afraid to kind of smoosh all the planning into the last six weeks because I am a teacher and will be out for the summer. Looking at it now, if I was working I might want a little more time.

sarah0725 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-good-rsvp-date-sane?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:20bab1c6-548a-44d3-a544-17ac22c428dePost:aac30db3-ef47-4e35-97ec-c04f2435f408">Re: What's a good RSVP date if you are sane?</a>:
[QUOTE]We need a final headcount a week before our AHR. I made the RSVP date two weeks before the AHR. Easy peasy. I think you should give the deadline of one week before you leave. This way some of the last few will trickle in while making phone calls to those who haven't responded. That's my opinion anyway :-) EDIT: I did not think of seating chart issues. Yeah... maybe two weeks before you go away.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I'm thinking of keeping the seating chart to do the week of the wedding. Sounds nuts, but apparently the venue is going to send me a chart with tables and stuff to fill in as soon as I give them the final headcount, and I'm thinking it may be best to do the seating chart when FMIL, my mom, Charlie and I can all be in the same room, and that won't be until maybe the Monday before the wedding.

mica178 · May 2011

Sarah -- we did out final version of the seating chart the week of the wedding too. There were a handful of last minute changes until then. I made it all slightly easier by having an unofficial seating chart on Excel as the RSVPs trickled in. It was totally fine. You're smart and organized, and you'll be fine.

sarah0725 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-good-rsvp-date-sane?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:20bab1c6-548a-44d3-a544-17ac22c428dePost:9cb8c5b6-aaff-4b3e-a7ce-3caf1cd41d60">Re: What's a good RSVP date if you are sane?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah -- we did out final version of the seating chart the week of the wedding too. There were a handful of last minute changes until then. I made it all slightly easier by having an unofficial seating chart on Excel as the RSVPs trickled in. It was totally fine. You're smart and organized, and you'll be fine.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I think we're going to have some last-minute changes too. FMIL keeps changing her mind about who she wants at her table depending on which of her relatives are currently annoying her the least. It's kind of funny/scary.

MissKate2011 · May 2011

Ah sanity...

A friend told me that they had invitations and had to RSVP a while ago for a wedding in August (I think RSVP was April something). WTF?

People keep asking for my invite and I say it's waaaaay too early, you're only supposed to send them 6-8 weeks before and they say I'm wrong and it's waaay too late

BrideBling82 · May 2011

It depends on how you want to do it. I had two rsvp dates....the first round of invites went to family 1st week of May ( RSVP Date May 18th). 2nd round of invites to everyone else went out May 23 (RSVP's are due back June 14) This gives me two weeks to get it together before I give the final headcount to the venue (July 4) Wedding date July 16th. I sent mine out early enough for OT guest to make plans and for other people to decide what they are doing So I can increase/decrease my headcount closer to may date.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

Mine was a touch over 3 weeks out. My wedding was 10/10 (a sunday) and my RSVP date was 9/17 (a friday). It worked well because that was also the cut off for our hotel block and we needed to get our numbers in 10 days in advance.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-good-rsvp-date-sane?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:20bab1c6-548a-44d3-a544-17ac22c428dePost:3610415a-5221-4350-897b-4c9927f3290a">Re: What's a good RSVP date if you are sane?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ah sanity... A friend told me that they had invitations and had to RSVP a while ago for a wedding in August (I think RSVP was April something). WTF? People keep asking for my invite and I say it's waaaaay too early, you're only supposed to send them 6-8 weeks before and they say I'm wrong and it's waaay too late
Posted by MissKate2011[/QUOTE]

Yeah, we ended up sending invitations at 9 weeks, because despite sending the STD postcards with "formal invitation to follow" 7 months out, we had people who were all, "are we getting more information/and invitation?!"

DNAtime · May 2011

Seating charts are not that hard. I think you can do it the week of the wedding.

tenofcups4me · May 2011

Mine was 10 days before the venue needed their final number, which was only 4 days before the actual wedding (the Wed. before a Sat. wedding). So mine was 2 weeks before the wedding date.

10 days gave me plenty of time to follow up on stranglers, since we didn't have that many. And left me with about a week to do a seating plan and have the calligrapher fill out the escort cards.

firsttimersluck · May 2011

A month is standard and reasonable.

We bought our invites+reception cards, and when we got them in the mail, we realized we accidently put the RSVP date for 8 weeks out. OOOPS! had to reorder them.. goodbye 60 bucks.. lol

DramaGeek · May 2011

We sent our invites out around 9 weeks because we got married in Dec and knew we'd be battling all the holiday parties, but our RSVPs weren't due until 2 or 2.5 weeks before the wedding. In your case I think I'd do 3 weeks before, then wait a week and use that second week to call people before you leave.

badkittyct · May 2011

It all depends on when vendors need a head count. My venue needs final numbers 3 days before the wedding. I already have a preliminary seating chart worked out and it can be altered later. Easy. My wedding is Sept 10 and my RSVP date is Aug 27 which gives me exactly 2 weeks before the wedding and 11 days to track down stragglers.

I have been getting plenty of "when are you sending invites" too and I just say that they are not going out until July and leaving it at that.

sklink0486 · May 2011

I made our RSVP date a month from the wedding. October 12th for a November 12th wedding, just to make it easy. I also plan on doing a seating chart, menu cards, etc. during that month also, so that's why. I plan on sending them 8 weeks out anyways (well, 9 weeks for family member in MI so they will reach them at about 8 weeks), so I figure 4 weeks to respond is probably enough and I've heard it's better to not give guests an extended amount of time to respond because they will forget about it.

akhensley81 · May 2011

Our RSVP deadline was August 7 for an August 28 wedding. 3 weeks. The numbers were due to the reception site on on August 18- 10 days before. So I had about 10 days to track down stragglers and finish up the seating chart.

My SIL did the opposite of some of these stories... she made her RSVP deadline the same date as her vendor deadline (dur) and she had a very, very long day trying to finalize those numbers.

I never could convince her to come on to these boards for help.

jenjenaz · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-good-rsvp-date-sane?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:20bab1c6-548a-44d3-a544-17ac22c428dePost:565937a0-2379-4454-9227-d3831b60532f">What's a good RSVP date if you are sane?</a>:
[QUOTE] I checked online and found all sorts of bonkers stuff from nutcases who put their invites in the mail four months before the wedding and made the RSVP date two months ahead so they would have time to send invites out to their B and C lists and <strong>also acquire the correct number of goats to hand out as favors</strong>. Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]
am i the only one who is questioning this??????

What's a good RSVP date if you are sane?

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