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African American Weddings

Am I The Only One....

Who thinks instead of being a bridezilla; I have a MOMzilla on my hands!!! We are doing the traditional route as far as the bride's family footing the majority of the bill; which leaves my mother with MANY opinions and ideas!
Yes it is my wedding but when she is pulling out more money than me to pay for this wedding I feel I can at least compromise. However, there are days I just want to strangle my mom and say "Hush Lady...This ain't your wedding!"
Maybe it's because I'm the baby of the family and she wants to do it up and finish her girls off with a bang!!!     
Or maybe it's the generational gap also because the last wedding she planned was my sister and that was in 1996. Times and trends have changed since thing so some things I think aren't necessary, she does!
Examples:
I don't care about pew bows...she does! To me they don't add a wow factor to the church, especially if the front is decorated beautifully. However, the florist has added pew bows to the list of what decor we need.
Kneeling bench...I could care less if I kneel while we pray...but again she does! There's nothing wrong with my neck where I can't bow and look back up after prayers. She thinks it adds a nice touch to the ceremony. I think it's one more thing to take up space in the front of the church.
Reception food...When we met with the caterer we agreed on hors' deuvrs such as meatballs, chicken alfredo pasta, ham & cheddar crossiants as well as chicken salad crossiants, fruit tray, veggie tray, etc. One week later she calls me telling me the entire menu has changed to a sit down dinner with baked chicken, ham, shrimp, mixed veggies, broccoli casserole, rice, rolls etc.
Needless to say several days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs!!!! I voice my opinion to her, some battles I win and others I just compromise and let her live vicariously through her "perfect" ideas.aybe it's because I'm the baby of the family and she wants to do it up and go out with a bang..
I don't want to be rude and snappy for those times where she's working my last nerve because I am FOREVER GRATEFUL for her wanting to foot the bill but along with me wanting to become eternally joined with the love of my life..she is another reason why I'm so ready for my wedding day to come and go!
I hope I'm not the only fellow knottie with a Momzilla problem....suggestions, tips on how to deal with this ladies!
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Re: Am I The Only One....

  • edited December 2011
    I am sorry you are going through this. I have no input, FI and I are paying for everything.

    I hope you and her can come to some sort of compromise. I pray she doesn't push too hard because this is the #1 reason some couples run off and elope.
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  • BrideBling82BrideBling82 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All I can say is just RELAX. A mother planning a wedding is a sight to see. When I told my mom I was engaged she told me flat out she was not paying for a wedding.....that they had not budgeted for it because they paid for my education. So I was planning for a very modest, small wedding. My mom took 1 week to get her thoughts together.....in two weeks I had a budget. My parents are paying for the reception, flowers, church and cake.....and she just added pew decorations (the same ones she said we didn't need) I too am the last daughter to get married.....my sister's wedding was Aug 2000. I think they #1 wanna go out with a bang, #2 show the in-laws that they can throw a good wedding. Just make sure that you tell her what's most important to you and try to stay calm. It is your wedding but it is a very special day for your mom. She gets to give her baby to someone else. I'm not saying let her plan your wedding with no input from you....but let her run wild on the things that aren't sooo important to you. And make sure you have final say so on everything else. Hope this helps....believe me it gets a little easier.
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  • tyboydtyboyd member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    All I can say is... Can I come?! Your menu is sounding THEBOMB.COM!!! {Ok, I don't really want an invitation. Smile}

    But really, the things that she's adding and/or changing aren't really that big of a deal when you look at the big picture. Pew bows... kneeling bench...? I don't think it's horrible to have. I do understand where you're coming from. But just be happy that you have a mom that can pay for your wedding AND add in extra stuff. But your menu... KEEP THAT! lol
  • edited December 2011
    You're not the only one. My mom has driven me up the wall MANY times. Some things I just compromise & let her do it. Other things, I will say no to but explain why so she understands. She has gotten upset when I don't go with her suggestions or ideas. I've had to apologize for my comments & so has she!  It took a few months, but she gets it now. I just realized she's as excited as I am & at the end of the day, I am blessed to have her be so supportive & involved in the planning.
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  • bmoton82bmoton82 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow!!! I never looked at it that way ladies.. You all give such great sound advice! I kept taking everything personal; I never thought she could be just as excited as me thats why she wants what she wants! Thats why I love this board...all you girls are Beautiful and Smart!!

    @Tyboyd: Which menu sounds best to you boo?
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Forget ty, I want to come! Lol, Hun I wish I could offer useful advice except for woosah
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree that she is just as excited as you. Everything will work out in the end. I have a similar problem..my FMIL she is driving me crazy and she is not even footing A bill. And plus her suggestions/questions/request are HORRIBLE! Anywho I cant wait for JULY 2nd. We will be praying together until we both making it through this:)
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  • bmoton82bmoton82 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @kwillia139:  You are right honey! We must keep each other lifted up in prayer!
    @M1ssJ: You can come boo! I have room for 2 more..lol! But I doubt ya'll wanna visit the big ole exciting state of South Carolina! Ur advice is just as good though...woosah and walk away! I'm sure that will work a time or two!
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  • EsquireJLEsquireJL member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom has taken over everything because my parents are footing the bill. She has gone as far as calling it her wedding. At first I was as stressed and annoyed as you are now but at the end of the day I let it go because of the big picture: I am marrying the love of my life. If there are some things you feel very strongly about then speak up in a nice way but if not just let it go. Things have gone a lot smoother for me since I made peace with the fact that Moms will be Moms.
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