BM asking who I chose to be my MOH

jenniferbelanger4 · August 2010

So I'm still in the phase of being recently Engaged (its only been 3 weeks), I asked my three close girlfriends right away to be my BM's. Three days ago one of them asked me outta the blue, through text message
"who did you choose to be your made of honor?"
Me, not giving much thought about it for three weeks, replied
"no one, I haven't decided yet. Why? does it matter?"
and she replied "no, it doesn't, I was just curious"
My first reaction was anger! I was outraged that one of my good friends asked me that question! My thought was that she was implying that I should have asked her. If I didn't she would have been upset at me?! am I wrong to assume that that was her intent?
I did talk to her about it over the phone and told her that I was upset that she asked the question - our conversation went okay, but im still feeling upset over the whole thing!!!
Please help this new bride with some feedback

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

I think it's a little much to be upset. I mean, yeah, it's kind of an impertinent question, but anger? Really? Maybe she just wanted to know who to ask about a shower and bachelorette party or something. Maybe she just wanted to know who the other bridesmaids are. A lot of things can be misconstrued in a text message. I think you overreacted, and owe her an apology.

uwf_cole23 · August 2010

I think you may have over-reacted. I think it would feel good to have your bridesmaids ask, because that means they are interested in your wedding. She may have been hinting that she wants you to pick her but what is wrong with that? She wants to be invovled, and even if she was just asking it means she cares about you enough to be curious.

Hey .. you could have asked her to be a bridesmaid and she could have said "cool, thanks" and never talked to you about your wedding until you needed her to pick out dresses and what not.

stina93446 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-asking-chose-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0d468578-8ca1-435a-a64e-03f868698e74Post:607081b9-a6be-4d13-a6cc-908718312663">BM asking who I chose to be my MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]So I'm still in the phase of being recently Engaged (its only been 3 weeks), I asked my three close girlfriends right away to be my BM's. Three days ago one of them asked me outta the blue, through text message "who did you choose to be your made of honor?" Me, not giving much thought about it for three weeks, replied "no one, I haven't decided yet. Why? does it matter?" and she replied "no, it doesn't, I was just curious" My first reaction was anger! I was outraged that one of my good friends asked me that question! My thought was that she was implying that I should have asked her. If I didn't she would have been upset at me?! am I wrong to assume that that was her intent? I did talk to her about it over the phone and told her that I was upset that she asked the question - our conversation went okay, but im still feeling upset over the whole thing!!! Please help this new bride with some feedback :(
Posted by jenniferbelanger4[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm going to say this as nicely as I can.....</div><div>
</div><div>GET YOUR PANTIES OUT OF A TWIST!!</div><div>
</div><div>Seriously! You got mad because she asked a question. Yes, you are mad about a question. And you're also mad because you ASSUME that she was implying something. Did you ever think that maybe she was genuinely interested to know who was your maid of honor or that maybe she wanted to know if she wanted to plan a pre wedding party with someone? No, you didn't.....</div><div>
</div><div>Take a deep breath. No need to get all upset over questions. You've got an entire year of questions like this so you better get used to them.

</div>

SassyBrass · August 2010

It's your decision, don't let anybody sway it. And if you can't think of who you'd want, you don't have to have a MOH. There's not a rule. Since you just got engaged, don't make too many "permanent" decisions.
If this friend asks again, or any of your other friends for that matter, try to shrug it off with a simple answer. Don't let them back you into a corner. Enjoy your new engagement instead. You won't have this time again.

stina93446 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-asking-chose-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0d468578-8ca1-435a-a64e-03f868698e74Post:163e8005-db81-44ce-b4d5-302c8bb11fc9">Re: BM asking who I chose to be my MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Enjoy your new engagement instead. You won't have this time again.
Posted by SassyBrass[/QUOTE]

<div>This!</div>

roma14 · August 2010

Sorry, don't understand at all why you were upset, and if I were your friend and I had to be 'talked to' about my question I'd probably hesitate to ask you anything about your wedding again. If I were you I would apologize to her for harrassing her over an innocent question, and even if she was hoping you'd choose her, like a pp said, you should be flattered but still choose whoever you want to choose and no harm whatsoever done by the girl who asked the question. Good grief.

frogurt814 · August 2010

One of my BMs asked me who I picked as MOH just to ask. I wasn't angry. She wasn't implying in any way that I should've picked her, she was just curious.

I'd say you over reacted.

jenniferbelanger4 · August 2010

Ya, now that Im reading your posts, I do feel that I might have over reacted :S yikes! (No bridzilla here! lol)
I just felt that there are SOOOOOOO many other important things she could have asked me other then "who did you choose..."
I felt like I was the one being rushed into a decesion, and obligated to choose her (the trouth is im having a VERY difficult time choosing! I love all three of them the same, and im just as close with one as the others... So I just might not have a MOH.
Thank you all for your feed back

stina93446 · August 2010

You're correct, you DON'T need one. I'm glad you could step back from the situation.

mysticl · August 2010

She was probably figuring that you had picked a MOH already. Not that you just picked BMs and were deciding which of those 3 to make MOH. If someone asked me to be a BM and I said yes I would figure that I was a BM and not in the running to be made MOH. So then I might ask out of curiosity as to who the MOH was not a hint that I wanted to be promoted. Sounds like in your situation the best solution is just to have 3 BM and no MOH.

loop0406 · August 2010

yes, you overreacted. you will have more comments, questions, guest list issues, pre-wedding party concerns, things that will make you scream and return to us to vent. Hoping it's not that way but most brides hit a bump in the road and have their screaming moments. There's nothing wrong with not having a MOH

emilyinchile · August 2010

She was probably just curious. And there's no need to have a MAID (not made) of honor if you can't choose, so don't stress about it.

danif06 · August 2010

I completely understand how you feel. I choose my bridesmaids fairly quickly after I got engaged and had a similar situation happen to me. One of my bridesmaids asked who the maid of honor was and unfortunately I had to tell her it wasn't her, but I felt it was more mportant to be honest from the beginning than try to spare anyone's feelings and hurt them in the end. My bridesmaid became so enraged that she stopped talking to me for a period of months and sent me the most upsetting email about how hurt she felt and how she "obviously cherished our friendship more" than I did. Since then she's made comments about the bridal shower and bachelorette parties and how she doesn't feel a part of anything; however she never contributes when asked and makes excuses on why she can't meet with the other girls. She's also told several of the guests of the pre-wedding festivities that events have been cancelled so the turn-out would be minimal.

While the question seems innocent, if this person assumed she would be MOH you could have a huge issue on your hands. I think that you reacted quickly, but maybe not incorrectly. People take things very personally and they forget that in the end, this day is about you and your fiance.

Istremene · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-asking-chose-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0d468578-8ca1-435a-a64e-03f868698e74Post:fc0d2e5b-6ec0-486e-8d4f-2b3af768a0be">Re: BM asking who I chose to be my MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my BMs asked me who I picked as MOH just to ask. I wasn't angry. She wasn't implying in any way that I should've picked her, she was just curious. I'd say you over reacted.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

This.

ckcavalier · August 2010

yes I also had a simular problem with one of my BM's thinking that she was going to by the MOH just because we have been friends for 13 years. And after talking with her basically arguing with her that she is my friend and wanted her apart of my day but if she couldn't handle being a BM and not the MOH tht it would be best that she wasn't in it and she desided that she can she was just hurt etc.... we are going to see what happens. So just be careful on how you take the questions and make sure that you are positive with what ever you choose... Good luck.......

Summerl30 · August 2010

she was probably excited for you and just curious about things in your wedding. Its likely not a big deal. the thing I hate most about not talking on the phone about things like this is that you are left to interpret the tone.

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