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I'm feeling uneasy w/ FFIL

MrsBoss2012MrsBoss2012
1000 Comments Combo Breaker
in African American Weddings
So tell me what y'all would do?

FI's parents have been really good with giving us words of encouragement and they give us little tasks to do, scriptures to read, etc and I have been enjoying that. Well FI comes to me and says "my dad wants to sit down with us and take a look at where our finances are." Ummmm excuse me? Now if he just wants to sit and give us advice I'm ok and very receptive to that. However, I will not be letting you "look at" my finances. By profession I am an accountant and I have a pretty good handle on my finances. I also talk alot with my own father who I'm obviously closer too. He is a successful businessman and is the reason for my strong interest in financial responsibility. So I'm already on the defense which comes easily for me anyway.

I talked to FI and he said I need to learn to trust his parents too and am I worried that they will rob me. LOL no it's not that but I just don't feel he needs to know what is sitting in my bank account. So I'm just trying to prepare myself on how to politely say "it's none of your business" if FFIL takes it there.
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Re: I'm feeling uneasy w/ FFIL

  • melntaittmelntaitt member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I wouldn't be comfortable with that and I would thank him for his gracious offer but respectfully decline. I would never in a million years have my in-laws peruse my finances and I'd be a little weirded out if they asked.
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  • ejagersejagers
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_im-feeling-uneasy-w-ffil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:a6452249-2495-4445-b155-3b08e27dd4d5Post:7e9fe442-b303-437d-bc29-c863ade72d9a">Re: I'm feeling uneasy w/ FFIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't be comfortable with that and I would thank him for his gracious offer but respectfully decline. I would never in a million years have my in-laws peruse my finances and I'd be a little weirded out if they asked.
    Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree.
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  • Carla1019Carla1019
    1000 Comments
    edited April 2012

    I think FFIL should trust YOU, not the other way around.

    But there is a middle ground. You can sit your FFIL down and discuss where you are without letting him know what is in your pockets. Like saying we spend 40% of our income on expenses, 10% tithing, 20% saving and investing, 20% on entertainment, 10% misc.

    We have a 5 year plan to accomplish XYZ.

    You don't have to tell him anything but since your FI thinks its a good idea then you can "discuss" finances, without telling him a damn thing.

    Edit: My profession is finance as well, so if I were you this also would make me feel uncomfortable.

    Wedding date July 7, 2012
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  • lcrosterlcroster
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_im-feeling-uneasy-w-ffil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:a6452249-2495-4445-b155-3b08e27dd4d5Post:5acbd792-7284-435e-9464-21671363cf38">Re: I'm feeling uneasy w/ FFIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think FFIL should trust YOU, not the other way around. But there is a middle ground. <strong>You can sit your FFIL down and discuss where you are without letting him know what is in your pockets. Like saying we spend 40% of our income on expenses, 10% tithing, 20% saving and investing, 20% on entertainment, 10% misc. We have a 5 year plan to accomplish XYZ.</strong> You don't have to tell him anything but since your FI thinks its a good idea then you can "discuss" finances, without telling him a damn thing. Edit: My profession is finance as well, so if I were you this also would make me feel uncomfortable.
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

    I completely agree with this.  That way you aren't showing him anything but letting him know how you manage the household. 
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  • saharnshardsaharnshard
    500 Comments
    I agree with Carla. Your FFIL sounds a lot like my FFIL. My FFIL wanted to do they same thing with us when we were 19 or 20, and even then I didn't like it. I understand that he wants to help, and probably has the best intentions, but you're adults you can handle your own.
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  • rowenac82rowenac82 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Really I think this could even be a father/ son discussion. Not saying that your fiance should sit there with your bank records and disclose every penny that you have but just have a chat about your financial present/future as previous posters suggested. Really, I think FFIL, should just be telling you all that this is something you two need to discuss, it doesn't need to be a family affair i.e. including extended family. If they are that involved now, then what's gonna happen when you are married?
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  • Carla1019Carla1019
    1000 Comments
    Rowenac82 makes a good point.

    When FI and I first started dating I was surprised by the level of openness he had with his friends and family regarding money. They all talked about salaries, promotions, how much they paid for things. To him it is no big deal but in my circle of friends / family we don't discuss money.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
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  • MrsBoss2012MrsBoss2012
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker

    I definitely like that approach better Carla. I will keep that in my back pocket and then if it goes too far I will use what Mel and Esh said and respectfully decline.

    Now for the last two posters you are inside my head! Because 1. I feel like this convo is for an 18 year old about to leave for college or something and 2. Even then it should be father/son. I still wouldn't want to talk to him in that capacity.

    Now FFIL is somewhat in the finances field too. He has worked in the credit union industry for years. So it could all be just helpful advice I'm not sure yet but I've already got my guard up.

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