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October 2012 Weddings
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Rehearsal Dinner - Annoyed (long, sorry)

nitecheesenitecheese
100 Comments
in October 2012 Weddings
Hi ladies!  Oooh boy, are we getting close!  I am trying to do the right thing in terms of the rehearsal dinner and am trying NOT to lose my cool.  Tell me what you think.

My FILs are paying for the rehearsal dinnerand when we started the process, FMIL said "You guys figure it out, do whatever you want, within reason". She knows that FI and I love food, love our local market and have a number of chef friends, wine rep. friends etc.  So, we talked to our butcher at our local market and a very good friend who is a chef about some low-cost, but delicious options for the RD.  I worked with our friend and we came up with a menu and it is ROCKSTAR. (see below)

1st Course: Potato Salad with brussel sprouts and lemon
2nd: Cauliflower and gnocchi casserole with red pepper puree
3rd: Choice of: Beef shortrib in puff pastry, with onion and tomato demi glace
or Freshly made pasta with squash cream sauce and cashews

A few months ago, we had a tasting and it was lovely. The food was great and we had a lot of fun until FMIL started complaining about the food. She thought it was too "different" for some of the guests who will be at the rehearsal dinner.  Our friend was a little offended, but offered to do a different menu to appease these guests.

Now, here's the rub: the guests that would most likely NOT eat the food on our menu are random relatives that are staying with FILs for the wedding. They are not in the wedding party. They are not siblings.  The only people I invited to the RD are my siblings, my BP, my parents and my godparents.

Maybe I'm just stressed, but I do not give a flip if Aunt So-And-So doesn't like brussel sprouts or if Uncle Yadda Yadda thinks short ribs are gross.  WHY ARE YOU THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?! You can eat something later and come have drinks, coffee and dessert.

FI and I put a lot of thought into the menu and wanted to create something really nice for the WP and our families and now FMIL is saying we should just serve steak and pasta.  UGH.  I want to stand my ground, but I don't want to seem ungrateful. FWIW, FI is behind me 100% in this.

What do you think I should do?
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Annoyed (long, sorry)

  • trawas01trawas01 member
    100 Comments
    Ooooh, can I come eat at your rehearsal? That menu sounds lovely.


    I'd just say, oh thats such a shame, the contract is all done we can't make changes now. I'm sure Aunt and Uncle so and so will understand and make the best of it.

    And then I'd go enjoy my short ribs in puff pastry.

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  • minionloverminionlover member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    I feel that there is always someone who is not going to like something.  If you are not in the wedding party and invited anyway, you should simply feel honored that you were asked to be there.  Try the food you might like it.  If not then order a pizza when you get home.

    If it makes you feel any better, I read your menu and would gladly replace any of those people who say they don't like the food.
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  • ericaandtom2012ericaandtom2012 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    I think you should have your FI tell his mother that this is the menu.  It's unfortunate that some of her guests are picky eaters, but that's the way life goes some times.  FWIW, I myself am somewhat of a picky eater, but I would definitely be trying this meal.  It sounds delicious, even if I wouldn't eat some of the ingredients on their own (like brussel sprouts or cauliflower).  

    If your FMIL refuses to host the RD with that menu, can you and your FI afford to host this meal?  You would have control of everything (guest list, menu, etc) and FMIL would have to deal with it. If you cannot afford to host it, unfortunately since your FMIL controls the purse, she has slight control over the menu.  It is sucky that she gave you free reign and then later said, oh pasta and steak. 
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  • cokie216cokie216
    100 Comments
    I'm also dealing with a lot of frustration with the RD from my future in laws so I feel your pain.  I think since your FMIL told you guys to figure it out, you should not have to change the menu.  Stand your ground in a polite and respectful way.  Can your fiance deal with his mother so that you do not look like the bad guy?

    If you do want to compromise with the menu, maybe just change the pasta dish to a more traditional (i.e. boring :) ) option?  That might appease some of those picky close minded eaters! 
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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I would stand your ground. When you eat at someone else's house (or party) you, as a guest, should eat what you're served.

    The host/ess only needs to make sure that allergies are accommodated for. If you start catering go everyone's individual tastes you'll have 100 different options.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    500 Comments
    See this is that rock and a hard place because she is paying. I'm wondering if maybe she didn't like the food herself. Could you ADD a few things that she considers more normal?
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  • lehc723lehc723 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    I think you should not invite Aunt So & So and invite me instead. Sounds delicious! ;)

    I echo the PP-- can more "traditional" options be added for pickier eaters, but not taking away from your yummy menu?
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  • jessiflowerjessiflower
    100 Comments
    You  have chosen the menu...this is what you and FI want.  She has been gracious in offerning to pay for it.  There should be an understanding that FI should take care of, and that is, this is what you wanted.  There was not underlying circumstances with WHAT you would serve for her to pay, and she should respect that you and FI are foodies and this is a very mature pallet....and a nice one I might add.  I agree with someone from above...if they dont like the food, they can go home and order a pizza later and bring their manners with them to the actual RD.
    Good luck...stick to your guns.  If someone told me upfront they would pay, only if we did it their way for MY wedding, I would decline.  I assume this was not the case when she offered to pay.  Let us know what you decide
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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I agree.  Just tell your FMIL that the menu is decided on and it's too late to change it.  Maybe you can add a few plain appetizers or something.  I'm a picky eater, but would always try something on the menu.  Just because I don't like things, I don't ever make the host feel bad....then I just munch on something later.

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  • aro1589aro1589 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    I would try to add one "normal dish" for the picky eaters.  that's it. 
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