Chit Chat

MOH / Roommate

My roommate is my MOH and she made a comment that has been bugging me.... A friend asked her what she was doing once we get married and I kind of assumed she would move out and get on her own and she said she won't move out until 9 months after I get pregnant!
I should summarize... she lives in my basement. There is a kichen and a half bath down there so she is only upstairs to shower or leave the house. She is really messy she lives like those people on hoarders. Her cats puke and poop everywhere she never cleans it up. She has garbage everywhere on the floor. Her bathroom for example she has 2 garbage clans in there. Both overflowing there are 9 empty toilet paper rolls on the floor and she had a empty roll on the toilet paper holder and balancing on top is a package of new toilet paper! Her kitchen is even more of a disaster. All she does is lay around and watch TV she never goes out.
I ignored it for a long time because I had broken off my first engagement and he moved out and I needed help with the mortgage. Well, now 6 years has passed I have been back on my feet  and I am engaged again and this time I am getting married! I know it's going to be a lot of work cleaning up the basement after she leaves and I don't want to be preganant doing that! I also don't want to rush getting pregnant to get her to move out!
I don't want to piss her off since she is my MOH and having her buy a dress and shoes and get her hair done plus helping with my bridal shower and bachelorette party I don't want things to be weird before the wedding, but I feel like I am going crazy! Everything she does annoys me now!
I guess the worst part is I am not good with confrontation and saying hey clean up I just ignore it and it's just getting worse and we have no privacy. I also feel bad cause she tells me how she is broke all the time and we only charge her $400 to live here so really where is she going to go on $400? Cause she would need that to include everything! I am just so stressed about the whole situation! Then throw planning a wedding on top of that :) Is it just pre wedding stress?  
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Re: MOH / Roommate

  • Ditto Yaga. Also, she shouldn't have to be paying for her hair either. If you want it styled professionally, you should pay. Just let her style it herself and she can skip that cost. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • Oh no she is chosing to do all that and she is throwing the shower etc...  I don't require my bridesmaids to do anything actually. They all get to pick their own little black dress for the wedding and do whatever they want! Hair up hair down old shoes new shoes whatever! I am not that crazy!
    It wasn't hearsay either she said it right in front of me at a party in front of everyone actually...
    My fiancee does live with me he has for a year now. She originally said she would stay until she knew things worked out, but now it just keeps changing....
    I was thinking of talking to her after the wedding and giving her until January 1st which would be 60+ days...  
    Can't wait to marry my prince! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7609c42a-ba07-4663-8743-cdfc9e0e55f4Post:175be15f-f555-4e9f-b659-7b451bff9ac6">Re: MOH / Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh no she is chosing to do all that and she is throwing the shower etc...  I don't require my bridesmaids to do anything actually. They all get to pick their own little black dress for the wedding and do whatever they want! Hair up hair down old shoes new shoes whatever! I am not that crazy! It wasn't hearsay either she said it right in front of me at a party in front of everyone actually... My fiancee does live with me he has for a year now. She originally said she would stay until she knew things worked out, but now it just keeps changing.... <strong>I was thinking of talking to her after the wedding and giving her until January 1st which would be 60+ days...</strong>  
    Posted by turtle04kj[/QUOTE]<div>
    <div>Ok then if she is biitching about the cost of her hair styling and you are not requiring that it be professionally styled, then that's on her. Whatever. </div><div>
    </div><div>Yeah I like this plan. Just wait until after the wedding to discuss it, so you can avoid any tension. I would check your local tenant laws too. I think some states require at least 30 days, so you should be good with 60, but just check. 

    </div></div>
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • I would talk to her sooner rather than later; the person I wanted to be my MOH and I lived together and that ended on very bad terms because we both assumed things. If you allow her to continue assuming that her line of reasoning is correct (by not correcting her) then she will feel confident that she won't have to go.

    As for the cat situation..eww. What does she do about that? Have they been to see a vet?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7609c42a-ba07-4663-8743-cdfc9e0e55f4Post:83197c0e-df96-4484-9975-abf1a430bc4a">Re: MOH / Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH / Roommate : Ok then if she is biitching about the cost of her hair styling and you are not requiring that it be professionally styled, then that's on her. Whatever.  Yeah I like this plan. Just wait until after the wedding to discuss it, so you can avoid any tension. I would check your local tenant laws too. I think some states require at least 30 days, so you should be good with 60, but just check. 
    Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

    Oh no she isn't complaiining at all about it. All my girsl are different she wants to go all out cause this will probably be the only wedding she will be in... The other girls have been in weddings. One of them is even wearing a dress she already has which is cool with me! 
    I guess my biggest fear after all this is we won't be friends.... I always thought this was great until she didn't want to leave!!! :) I am just one of those people pleaseer kinds and even if I am upset I don't say it ya know...  I am just really shy, but I know this whole situation is a problem! I just feel awful! I wish it wasn't coming to this...
    Can't wait to marry my prince! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7609c42a-ba07-4663-8743-cdfc9e0e55f4Post:63c79fce-e12a-4f03-9bf1-02258fed2f85">Re: MOH / Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would talk to her sooner rather than later; the person I wanted to be my MOH and I lived together and that ended on very bad terms because we both assumed things. If you allow her to continue assuming that her line of reasoning is correct (by not correcting her) then she will feel confident that she won't have to go. As for the cat situation..eww. What does she do about that? Have they been to see a vet?
    Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

    This is def a fear a mine that we won't be friends... so it's like do you upset her now or after the wedding? I don't mind her staying a couple months but not forever!
    The cat situation she is just lazy and doesn't clean like ever! She has at least 50 half drank diet coke cans lying around and just garbage everywhere it's really bad!  
    Can't wait to marry my prince! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7609c42a-ba07-4663-8743-cdfc9e0e55f4Post:6ddb68ac-9bc6-4adc-a62d-7cd0e2950e3e">Re: MOH / Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH / Roommate : If your asking her to move out (with a generous period of time for notice so she can find another place) will upset her so much that she wouldn't be your friend, wouldn't it better for both of you to find that out now, before she spends money to be in your wedding? Don't address the fact that she lives in filth -- you've kept silent about it so long that it has become a non-issue for all practical purposes.  Just have a conversation with her.  Say, "Friend, you know how much I love you.  Your living here for the past (however long) has helped me financially as much as it has helped you.  Now that Fiance and I are getting married and really starting our life as a married couple, we've decided that having a roommate won't work for us.  I'm sure you understand.  I want to be fair and give you plenty of time to find a place and get moved.  Do you think 30 days is enough, or would you need 60 days?" If she tries to persuade you, just keep saying that you and your fiance have decided that you don't want to have a roommate and it has nothing to do with your friendship.  You can reiterate how the arrangement has been beneficial to you both and that you're grateful for her friendship, and that's why you want to be generous about notice -- however, pin her down on how long she will need.  If she says something outlandish like, "I don't think I'll be able to afford to move for at least a year", just repeat that you and your husband want to start your marriage without a roommate. Her finances are not your concern or your responsibility.  Just say it all lovingly but firmly and stand your ground.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    I agree with every word of this.
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