My FMIL and I have always gotten along just fine. She has a strong personality though. She's a Chinese woman in her early 60s...My FFIL told me once that she has an "inferiority complex"--his words, not mine. I understood a lot more about her when he said that. She likes to put people in their place when she feels threatened or offended. The flip side to her is that I've always felt like her intentions ultimately were good, regardless of how she projects or how brash she can be. I don't always agree with her or how she communicates and behaves, but we usually want the same end result. Like any person, including myself, she is multi-faceted.
A few months ago, she and I were in my car together and she asked me why I was making such a big deal about the wedding. (Jaw on floor) I responded by saying we weren't making a big deal really, but went home feeling like SO WHAT IF WE DO?? We're paying for everything ourselves, so what the heck? I didn't understand where this was coming from at all...all I could think was that since this is a second marriage for us both, she must have felt like we aren't entitled to have a wedding. When she got my FI alone, she went at him too and said that we should be saving for a house and not wasting money on a wedding or something of that nature. I guess that makes me feel slightly better, but still, we're planning this day because we want to SHARE it with our closest family and friends, we want it to be a happy day, and one filled with good memories. She's not making that happen already...
Then at a family bbq one night, Ms. Passive Agressive comes out. This time she asks me why I chose my date. I said why not...I mean, it just seemed like a good date, kind of feeling like I don't need to explain all this stuff to her and already feeling like this is going to a bad place. I was right. She then says that its in the middle of soccer season, to which I respond that I don't know if my daughter will be playing soccer this year but she wasn't listening to my answer because she was gearing up for her next big blow. She says to me that she doesn't know if she'll be able to make it the wedding because her grandson MIGHT have a game that day!!!! WHAT?! I simply said, well, that's fine, but the rest of the family will be at the wedding.
I'm 100% sure that my FI's nephew/her grandson will be at our wedding. His dad is a groomsman and I know that they're family understands that a wedding is more important that a 14-year old boy's soccer game that happens every weekend. So all I can think is that she was trying to get under my skin. Awesome. She didn't say it in front of my FI or any of the family that would have told her that they would be coming to the wedding and not going to the POSSIBLE soccer game.
I told my FI about it and he was shocked. I told him that I handled it the best I could, but that he needs to get to the core of her beef because she can't keep picking at me like this. If he has talked to her, he hasn't said anything to me, but knowing him, he doesn't want to stir up confrontation. If it were solely up to me, I'd have already cut her from the guest list. I simply don't want anyone there at the wedding that will bring clouds to our day. I want happy memories and I just have this feeling that since it has nothing to do with her, she will do something(s) that day to give me/us bad memories. If she doesn't wanna come, then don't come. But stop ruining it for me...geez!
Phew. Ok thanks. I needed to get that off my chest.