has anyone actually ever said no?

Calypso1977 · October 2010

have any of you actually said "no" to being in someone's wedding? how did it go over? was it a friend or family member?

anyone say yes out of obligation but really wanted to say no?

anyone know they were asked out of obligation but not really wanted? how do you know if it was out of obligation? did that factor into saying yes or no?

[Deleted User] · October 2010

I said yes out of obligation once. Then I got engaged and was not going to add this girl to my BP. When she found out I got engaged, she told me if I had to step down she would understand. I told her I would and thanks for understanding. I felt so much better.

danieliza1127 · October 2010

I've never said no.

I was in my 2 brother's weddings and my step-brother's wedding. One of them I know for sure wanted me, the other 2 were probably out of a sense of obligation I'm sure.

akhensley81 · October 2010

I said no to my sister because I didn't agree with her marriage. Then she literally begged me, so I caved.

mandysmear · October 2010

My sister said no to a girl she went to school with. They were barely friends. Just hung out a couple times to study. My sister told her that she had to focus all extra time and money into my wedding.

mgietler76 · October 2010

My FI told his friend he wouldn't be the best man because he couldn't support the relationship. I know they had a very long talk and in the end his friend understood and asked him to be a guest at least.

ETA - Didn't read the whole thing before posting. I was asked out of obligation because I am friends with the groom, and I accepted out of obligation to my FI who begged me to lol It was awful since I do not get along with the bride but on the wedding day I was the only one (out of all the "friends" she had) to help her with anything ie. I bustled her dress, helped into the car, carried her train when we were outside, "fluffed" the dress during the ceremony. It was awkward but I felt bad since her MOH wasn't doing anything.

Beachy730 · October 2010

I have never said no, but wish I had to my college roommate. She had her 2 sisters and me, and I transferred out of that college before the wedding. So I was driving 2 hours for the shower and wedding and didn't know a single person. And not to sound rude but I knew I wasn't going to stay close with her after I left the college anyways. Since her wedding 7 years ago I've probably talked to her 4 times, and she wasn't invited to my wedding.

I also have said yes out of obligation to BILs wedding this summer. We aren't close, but FSIL keeps telling me how excited she is to have a sister finally. I feel bad because I know she will need a lot of help with things, and I'd be happy to help, but I'm on the other side of the country. What amazes me is that their guest list is at 80, and their WP has 18 in it. Really?

My mom really wanted me to ask one of my cousins to be a BM out of family obligation, but I refused to and stuck to my guns. The best part is that they are so petty that I know by not having her in mine, she won't ask me in hers. That would definitely be an obligatory yes.

Celles · October 2010

My brother said no to me. I'm still bitter.

... Okay, in his defense, he said he was honored but couldn't commit. Because his music career could take off AT ANY MINUTE and he MIGHT be on tour on my wedding date. Or something. *sulk*

FutureMrsTR · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-actually-ever-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc0ca30a-5b35-41c6-9fa7-7fc5ef867389Post:4a9b6f3c-185a-49db-a3a8-563550617686">Re: has anyone actually ever said no?</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother said no to me. I'm still bitter. ... Okay, in his defense, he said he was honored but couldn't commit. Because his music career could take off AT ANY MINUTE and he MIGHT be on tour on my wedding date. Or something. *sulk*
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

And how's that going for him?

laladypoet · October 2010

I actually haven't said no, but I wish I had. I'm going to practice saying no, for the future. unless they were in my wedding. then I'm screwed.

missy68 · October 2010

Yes. My cousin asked me to be in her wedding 2 months after ours. We couldn't afford the dress or the travel. I hated that I couldn't be there, even for the wedding. It sucked.

Bubbalub · October 2010

Nope. Then again, I've never been in anyone's wedding but my own. Most of my girlfriends didn't get married or had tiny weddings.

kaederose · October 2010

I said no to one of my dearest friends because I barely had two nickels to rub together for heat. I was in OH and she was in Las Vegas, so between a dress, hotel, and flight, there was just no way I could do it. I explained all of it to her, got a little teary, and she understood. She also said that if she could have afforded it, she would have helped me out, but they didn't have the resources either. I feel guilty about it still, and it was over 2 years ago. But I wouldn't say our friendship was affected by it, as she's standing with me in our wedding. It was really a matter of timing - right out of college, most people don't have spare cash.

strlzfan11 · October 2010

I've said yes out of obligation before. I really wanted to say no, but I was really put on the spot so I felt like I couldn't say no or that I'd think about it.

beebe918 · October 2010

H said yes out of obligation to a co-worker once. The guy asked over text message which should have clued us into the fact that the wedding was going to be a disater, but H is so nice he said yes. Turns out they had a head table at which SOs were not welcome and since there was no seating chart I literally ended up sitting at a table all by myself. Worst wedding experience ever! We didn't even invite the guy to our wedding and he posted on H's FB walk: thanks for the invite to the wedding dude. Who does that?

zitiqueen · October 2010

I don't know if this counts, but when my brother got married I told my mom that if it came up, to let my now-SIL know that she didn't have to feel obligated to ask me to stand up (plus, honestly, I was 34 at the time and standing up in weddings stopped being fun in my 20s). SIL and my then-14-year-old niece were very close, so I told my mom to steer her in that direction because I knew niece would be thrilled sh!tless if she were asked to stand up. SIL asked her, and she was.

jaclynricky · October 2010

I said yes out of obligation once, because I wasn't a big fan of my FI, but I'm actually glad that I did. I didn't know it at the time, but my cousin asked only me, my sister, and one other girl, so I would have felt really bad if my sis and I had said no.

ggirl2001 · October 2010

I said yes, more because i was surprised by being asked and it just came out. My best friend and I were both asked to be in this girl's wedding, whom we were semi close to for several years, but hadn't hung out in many years due to a fight in college (stupid I know). We started talking again slowly, and like 4 months after that she got engaged and asked us. we didn't even have time to say no. The kicker part is we weren't super good friends with her, but with her older sister..

alyssalowe · October 2010

My fiance said no to being in his friends wedding.

Backstory: We started slowly planning our wedding and then our friends got engaged and went into super planning mode and planned their wedding for the same month as us. To be nice to overlapping guests we pushed ours back a few weeks. Both grooms talked about having each other in their weddings but the other groom dropped it and when fi pushed for information he would avoid it or say he didnt know what was going on for planning (ie.tux rentals, hotel, bach party) and we knew a few other guys they said the same thing too and it ended up being that they dropped them from the wedding party so we assumed the same.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. 2 months before the wedding I got a call saying that fi needed to go get a fitting, I got irratated at fi for forgetting about it and he responded with he wasnt told a thing. It started a he said she said fight between fi and his friend. He refuses to believe fi didnt know and said he should have assumed because they talked about it 6 months before.

Well. Sorry with two weeks notice we can not come up with 300 (2 nights room rate cuz she wants them at the venue the night before) and 150 (tux rental) on demand. We are paying for our own wedding with no help... they on the other hand are having a $15,000+ wedding that the grooms family is paying for. Also fi's friend was out of work like fi for a while (they both thankfully have jobs again) so he should understand about money being tight and not take offense to it.

Telling his friend no didnt end well. Our friendship is pretty thin and has even told fi that since he had to replace him last minute as usher (really who gives notice 2 months before wedding?!) that we have to replace him as BEST MAN! After we figured out who values who at what level it sent fi in some shock.

Ps- we are only going to the ceremony and 1/2 the reception and then booking out of there so we dont have to stay the night cuz is still awkward with them and us.

Stackeye210 · October 2010

One of my BM's turned me down after she had already accepted. However, her dad had just skipped the country to avoid jail for DUI's and her mom had breast cancer and simultaneously shattered her ankle while going through treatments. I felt so bad for her family and didn't give a rats a$$ about the wedding at that point. I still listed her in the program as an honorary bridesmaid.

emilyann21 · October 2010

I told my old HS and later college roommate yes and then had to back out of it. She asked me at a high school football game that she happened to see me at. I hadn't spoken to her since she left after that first semester and I was taken back by her asking in the first place and "yes" just popped out. I later explained I couldn't afford to be in her wedding. I see her maybe once a year and we're friendly but that's it.

wadingmoose · October 2010

I said yes because I felt obligated once. I even got to be MOH.

I eventually backed out. We're no longer friends. It didn't go well.

I should have said no.

J&K10910 · October 2010

I said no to being a flower girl once when I was 9. Does that count?

dkscho07 · October 2010

I have never said no to being in someone's wedding but I did nicely talk a bride out of making me maid of honor. I know it's supposed to be an honor, but for her wedding (though she is a good friend) it is an honor that my nerves and schedule could do without.

The same girl then became a sort of obligatory bridesmaid in my wedding party. She literally ASSUMED that I would ask her and talked about it the day I announced my engagement, I'm an admitted push-over.

has anyone actually ever said no?

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