Guest List Trouble

lindsay5432 · December 2010

My mother has provided me with the guest list as far as her family, however, many of the names are listed as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and family". I don't have many of the wives' names or any of the children's names (I don't even know how many children they have!). Is it ok to just put "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" on an invitation? I don't want to put "and family" on any of them; people are allowed to bring their kids but I don't specifically want to invite them. I'm just lost here as far as how to handle this.

crfische · December 2010

I think you need to commit to who you want to invite and put the names on the invitation.

You either invite with and family or you don't, but I don't think you should leave it up to the people to guess if the whole family is invited or not.

AdeleDazeem · December 2010

Get the names.

How in the world are you going to know how many people you are inviting without knowing the number of kids, etc?

aleighk1 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-trouble-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3b46656-2779-43c1-b202-fc169b64fa6bPost:5a7b5186-a78c-4221-9e50-28909f24cca2">Guest List Trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother has provided me with the guest list as far as her family, however, many of the names are listed as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and family". I don't have many of the wives' names or any of the children's names (I don't even know how many children they have!). Is it ok to just put "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" on an invitation? I don't want to put "and family" on any of them; <strong>people are allowed to bring their kids but I don't specifically want to invite them.</strong> I'm just lost here as far as how to handle this.
Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]

<div>What does that mean? Do you want the kids there or not?</div>

WildRumpus · December 2010

FI's mom sent us her list without names as well. I got them all, but I addressed our STD's to Mr & Mrs Smith and Family. That's how the invites will be addressed as well, but the RSVP card has a spot for number attending.

IrishBrideND · December 2010

either invite the kids or don't. Doing it how you plan to is what causes people to be super confused. Some will think their kids aren't invited, and then be offended when they show up and everyone else brought their kids.

Personally, i would find out the wives names because I HATE being addressed like that. But thats just me. Technically its ok etiquette to do so.

Simply Fated · December 2010

I would use specific names. Especially since people have been known to take liberties with the "and family" wording.
"Oh, my cousins and second aunt twice removed are also invited? Sweeet."

Definitely get names and use them, that's my advice.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-trouble-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3b46656-2779-43c1-b202-fc169b64fa6bPost:5a7b5186-a78c-4221-9e50-28909f24cca2">Guest List Trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother has provided me with the guest list as far as her family, however, many of the names are listed as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and family". I don't have many of the wives' names or any of the children's names (I don't even know how many children they have!). Is it ok to just put "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" on an invitation? I don't want to put "and family" on any of them; people are allowed to bring their kids but I don't specifically want to invite them. I'm just lost here as far as how to handle this.
Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]

You need to ask your Mom for the names of the SO's. Any children over 18 that still live at home need their own seperate invite.

I would not just put Mr. and Mrs. on the invite bc you are opening it up for them to bring anyone they want, including their children. While you will still likely have the people that add plus one's anyone, the more specific you are with the invites will hopefully minimize this.

tenofcups4me · December 2010

Either invite the kids -- by including their names on the invitation -- or don't invite them (by not including their names). Your idea that you're not specifically inviting them, but they can come is only going to cause confusion for everyone.

Re women's names, if you want them on the invitations, ask your mom to go back and add them in. Easy enough.

FWIW, when I got names from my parents and inlaws, I specified what format I wanted them in so we were all working from the same base to begin with. Too late for that now, but there's certainly nothing wrong with asking for additional information.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-trouble-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3b46656-2779-43c1-b202-fc169b64fa6bPost:e764a029-a89a-454f-b70d-501eb874c19d">Re: Guest List Trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]I would use specific names. Especially since people have been known to take liberties with the "and family" wording. "Oh, my cousins and second aunt twice removed are also invited? Sweeet." Definitely get names and use them, that's my advice. :)
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

This.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

If you don't put the kids' names on the invitation, that means you ARE NOT inviting them. You need to decide which you want to do. If you don't put down the kids' names you could have people calling you, angry their kids aren't invited. So you need to determine your stance before addressing the invites.

lindsay5432 · December 2010

I don't know most of these people. I don't really want to invite them.

I'm not having inner envelopes -- so do I list all the kids names on the outer envelope? What format do I use for that?

lindsay5432 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-trouble-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3b46656-2779-43c1-b202-fc169b64fa6bPost:0e184380-236e-49eb-ab61-3691ff0f9b4e">Re: Guest List Trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]Get the names. How in the world are you going to know how many people you are inviting without knowing the number of kids, etc?
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This was my question to my dear mother, who insisted I not worry, because these people will all give me generous gifts. <head-desk />

opalsky007 · December 2010

Invite who you want to invite. You need to have numbers in hand, so that you can plan, and your mother was wrong not to worry about that.

You can invite everyone using the following format:

Mr and Mrs John Q. Public
Stacey, Tracey, and Lacey Public
1234 Any Road
Anytown, Anystate 12345

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