Pre-Cana and the Military (getting married in a different state)

divinemsbee · December 2011

I know I'm not on here much, but I have a Catholic question that I need answers to, so I thought, hey, these ladies know their stuff.

My FI and I are getting married in the Catholic Church, as of right now, and probably as of our wedding, I am Catholic, he is not. He is in the military, so we are moving right after the new year to the place we will be stationed at the time of our wedding (San Antonio). I was waiting until we knew what was happening (basically he had to be re-classed, so all wedding stuff was on hold for about 4 months) until I talked with a priest about pre-Cana and counselling. I have been going to church where he is stationed (where we live now) but haven't joined a parish. We want to get married in our home state (MS). What is the best way to go about getting our pre-Cana and any other paperwork done with a priest in TX so we can get married in MS? Do I need to talk to one priest before the other? Does it matter? He may not be able to get to MS before our wedding, but I probably will, in order to meet with the priest and vendors and such. We would be getting married at the chruch I was a member of all of my life, and at which recieved all of my Sacraments, so it wouldn't be a random choice thing. If anyone has experience with one, might it be better to go through a Catholic military chaplain (I think they are ordained priests) because FI may have to be gone for 2 months on a temporary assignment before the wedding?

I'll admit that there have been some pretty heavy pushes from FI's side of the family for us to quickie wedding it and go back and do a religious ceremony later, but I have explained that the Catholic church doesn't work like that, and I don't want to get legally married only to have a convalidation that might or might not happen. My faith is important to me, and I've had plenty of ups and downs, it's also important to me to raise my children in the Church.

Thanks in advance.

Riss91 · December 2011

You should speak with the priest that will be performing your ceremony. It will be up to him (and his diocese) what the requirements are.

I have heard of people in similar situations that were able to do pre-cana in a different location or over the internet. So it is possible!

Best wishes and let us know if you have any other questions!

lalaith50 · December 2011

Yes, like Riss said.

I believe it is possible and not uncommon to have one priest do all the marriage preparation, and then later marry you in a different church/state, or even have a completely different priest marry you.

Best thing to do is to talk to a priest where you are, and a priest where you hope to be married, as soon as possible!

Jasmine&Rajah · December 2011

[QUOTE] I'll admit that there have been some pretty heavy pushes from FI's side of the family for us to quickie wedding it and go back and do a religious ceremony later, but I have explained that the Catholic church doesn't work like that, and I don't want to get legally married only to have a convalidation that might or might not happen. Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]

I just wanted to say that I applaud you standing your ground on such an important issue. I hope that your future in-laws and the rest of your FI's family are accepting of your decision, and that it all goes smoothly! God bless you.

catarntina · December 2011

I got married in Ohio, but I live in Colorado.

Talk to priests in both diocese. I became a member of the church in Colorado, did all my pre-cana there, and I had to fulfill the requirements of the Archdiocese of Denver since that's where I lived. When my pre-cana was over, the deacon sent my paperwork off to the bishop for approval. The bishop in Colorado then sent my paperwork to the Diocese of Toledo in Ohio and finally the priest who married us.

I had already spoken with the priest in Ohio, and I had been making my arrangements with the priest in Ohio. He's the one who suggested I do all my paperwork in Colorado. He got my paperwork from Denver in June I think and we were married in November. It only took about 1-2 weeks to go from the Deacon in Colorado to the priest in Ohio.

It really wasn't so bad. Just make sure you talk to priests in both diocese.

MaryQuiteContrary10 · December 2011

My experience was a lot like catarntina's. I got married in my home parish in MI, but FI (at the time, now husband) and I were both living in GA throughout our engagement. The church in MI asked if we'd be completing our marriage prep through them or through our parish here in GA, and they had no problem when we said we were doing in down here. We had to complete the requirements for our diocese here in GA, and our paperwork was sent to the archdiocesan office in Savannah, then up to the office in Detroit, then finally to the church we were married in. We did meet with the priest who married us before the ceremony, but only so he could get to know us a little bit before the wedding. Both churches were completely okay with the way we handled things, so it can be done. Good luck!!

raelionheart · January 2012

I'm in the same situation. I'm getting married in NJ so we called the church there first. After talking to the priest who is going to marry us in NJ he told us to talk to our priest here in OK and that we can do pre-cana here. I'm still waiting to hear from our priest here, but it shouldn't be too hard to accomodate.

nurse2be2011 · February 2012

Also you should talk to the chaplin on base. My sister is at Lackland AFB for tech school and when we went down there for her graduation the man leading the religious education class said that sometimes they counted those classes as precana. Just a thought. HTH

Pre-Cana and the Military (getting married in a different state)

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