Interesting Article on Black Marriages

Re: Interesting Article on Black Marriages

• MsAmeera25 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  This is a good question and I am looking forward to reading the responses.
  
  I have always thought professional black men, prefer professional women. They seek someone who is like themselves.
  
  My experience has been some black women look for what a man is offering THEM, with no consideration of what they are bringing to the table.
  
  My parents always taught me never ask for more than you are wiliing to give.
  
  I have also encountered women who have checklists, they want a tall man with lots of money or a house etc. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting those standards sometimes you have to understand that while it is okay to "want" you must also be prepared to build.
  
  Men don't come ready made, it takes time and patience and while he may not have an awesome job now or a great car now, you still need to consider his potential. Does he have the drive to accomplish his goal?
  
  In my experience this is why it has been so hard for black women in my circle to find a mate. They want it all but are ready to give nothing.
  
  

   

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• wallacje member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  
  Does it depend on where you live and what the Black men in your area date?
  Many more in CO date the other persuasians than they do Black women.  While there are some that date within their race there are more here that don't, although I can say I was able to find a man that had just moved here, hadn't been tainted yet. Lol.
  
  Are Black women willing to date a man that makes less money than them?  For me I don't care, as long as you have a JOB and are contributing to our household then I'm okay.  In the article it mentioned trade offs, this is one for me.
  
  This is always an interesting topic though.

  

  

  {Planning Bio - Updated 3/4/2012}

  {For Sale - Updated 8/20/2011}

  

  

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• Carla1019

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Very good points ladies.
  
  I've noticed that my well educated successful friends can easily get dates but they don't "keep" a man very well. I think some women don't have the patience to go through the tough times during dating. People make mistakes and  can't read our minds.
  
  They come to me asking for advice and the only thing different from my situation and theirs is that I never gave up on my FI. We went through 3 1/2 years of bumps in the road, while they gave up on their relationships.
  
  You don't have to settle or compromise your integrity but you have to be able to forgive sometimes. Do you want your pride or do you want your man?

  Wedding date July 7, 2012

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• MrsBoss2012

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_interesting-article-black-marriages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:13aa94a2-3b42-4341-8fdf-319e4dbb17f4Post:0219f8cb-a627-4041-9214-8153a20f981f">Re: Interesting Article on Black Marriages</a>:
  [QUOTE]This is a good question and I am looking forward to reading the responses. I have always thought professional black men, prefer professional women. They seek someone who is like themselves. My experience has been some black women look for what a man is offering THEM, with no consideration of what they are bringing to the table. My parents always taught me never ask for more than you are wiliing to give. I have also encountered women who have checklists, they want a tall man with lots of money or a house etc. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting those standards sometimes you have to understand that while it is okay to "want" you must also be prepared to build. Men don't come ready made, it takes time and patience and while he may not have an awesome job now or a great car now, you still need to consider his potential. Does he have the drive to accomplish his goal? In my experience this is why it has been so hard for black women in my circle to find a mate. They want it all but are ready to give nothing.
  Posted by MsAmeera25[/QUOTE]
  
  OMG I agree with both situations. I too have friends who still live at home, unemployed, or just generally not trying to do much in life and they are waiting for Prince Charming to come in and sweep them off their feet. What do YOU have to offer?
  
  I also have friends that I've tried to hook them up with a nice brotha and they "umm he's short." Ok well you are heavy set. Do you want guys to dismiss you because of that. REALLY?!  I understand there needs to be that initial attractivemess but sometimes my friends can be really petty.

  

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• BlissPhilly

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_interesting-article-black-marriages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:13aa94a2-3b42-4341-8fdf-319e4dbb17f4Post:8ff55f27-1a89-40b7-b636-db8eed2665c4">Re: Interesting Article on Black Marriages</a>:
  [QUOTE]. <strong>You don't have to settle or compromise your integrity but you have to be able to forgive sometimes. Do you want your pride or do you want your man</strong>?
  Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
  
  Interesting Point Carla1019! I like that <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

  

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• chescam member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Have you guys seen soulmate the documentary. It pretty much sums up this issue. My husband attended an afternoon church program and they showed it. I missed it so we both saw it and discussed it at the pastor's house. It goes through the struggles of successful black women and their quest to find their soulmate.
  
  I have several friends in Med school and those working on their PHDs who want a man but their list is so long, it even drives me insane. I'm guilty of this too. I had a long list and didn't want to get married until I was 35. By 35, I figured I would have accomplished all my academic endeavors and other goals. I'm 25 and I'm so happy that my hubby came my way.
  
  This whole issue really saddens me. I know really great guys and I would love for them to go on a date with my friends but these guys won't even be considered because they don't have a Master's degree and up, or make upwards of 80 grand. To my understanding, they say it's not being shallow but finding someone on your level but the truth is once you hit a certain age, the pool of Black men available (who've never been married) is almost non existant. And this is what these girls are looking for.
  
  I know Black men don't have this problem; not because we outnumber them, but because they broaden their choices. We, as women can decide to do the same but again, the pool of guys to choose from will be very small.
  

  
  

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• kiyamurph

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I know Black men don't have this problem; not because we outnumber them, but because they broaden their choices. We, as women can decide to do the same but again, the pool of guys to choose from will be very small.
  Posted by chescam[/QUOTE]
  
  

  I agree with what pretty much everyone else said, but I think you hit the nail on the head with this statement.  There's more of a chance for a black man to date outside of his race than a black woman.  I think a lot of times black women are afraid of being a sellout and aren't willing to expand their horizons.  

  
  

  P.S., this is my first post in forever.  I've missed you ladies!

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• MrsBoss2012

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_interesting-article-black-marriages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:13aa94a2-3b42-4341-8fdf-319e4dbb17f4Post:5a478ef1-4981-42b5-8ab9-4475e236d9be">Re: Interesting Article on Black Marriages</a>:
  [QUOTE]I know Black men don't have this problem; not because we outnumber them, but because they broaden their choices. We, as women can decide to do the same but again, the pool of guys to choose from will be very small. Posted by chescam[/QUOTE] I agree with what pretty much everyone else said, but I think you hit the nail on the head with this statement.  There's more of a chance for a black man to date outside of his race than a black woman.  I think a lot of times black women are afraid of being a sellout and aren't willing to expand their horizons.   <strong>P.S., this is my first post in forever .  I've missed you ladies!</strong>
  Posted by kiyamurph[/QUOTE]
  
  Kiyamurph welcome back!! I thought you were gone foreverrr <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cry.gif" border="0" alt="Cry" title="Cry" />

  

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