Help!! When is it appropriate to schedule my bridal shower??

apslady · February 2011

My fiance and I are thinking about having an intimate wedding (@ 20 ppl), and then a vow renewal and large reception on our six month anniversary. We thought of this as a great way to get married when we want, but still have more time to save money for a nice reception. For family that still want to throw us a bridal shower, when would it make the most sense to have it? Before the actual wedding or between the wedding and the vow renewal? And what do we say on the invitations? We will be open with our extended family and friends that we are already married and that everyone will be coming to a vow renewal celebration instead. Has anyone ever done this before that can comment?

rknox88 · February 2011

I would think it strange if I received a bridal shower invite for a couple that is already married.

I would also find it offensive if I received a bridal shower invite for a bride 6+ months before her delayed reception just for the purpose of being gift grabby.

I guess my best advice would be to decline a shower.

NOLAbridealmost · February 2011

If you accept the shower, you better make incredibly sure that each guest invited to the shower is also invited to the WEDDING. Not the big reception, but the wedding itself.

Also, 6 months is not that long; why not just wait 6 months and get married and have a traditional reception to follow the ceremony.

ivyrose13 · February 2011

Only people invited to the actual wedding would be invited to the shower, not the reception, but the actual wedding. In which case, the shower would be a month before your wedding.

Just a friendly reminder, vow renewals are not meant to be wedding do-overs. They are traditionally done on significant anniversaries (10, 25, 50), and do not involve anything that resembles a wedding, such as a big white dress, first dances, tiered cake, etc. FWIW, as a guest I would purchase a gift and travel for a wedding, but not for a vow renewal.

SuMmErKuTiE · February 2011

Ditto pp's... the only appropriate way to have a bridal shower in this case is to only invite the ladies invited to the actual wedding. Having a vow renewal 6 months after you are married doesn't entitle you to the usual pre-wedding parties such as bridal showers and bachelorette parties because you're already married. These are sacrifices you choose to make by getting married 6 months before you can afford throwing a party to celebrate it.

Ditto pp.. why not wait the extra 6 months? This just doesn't make sense to me..

lucasnaomi11 · February 2011

i just want to say, please dont get discouraged by all these posts and them saying you should just wait and it doesnt make sense to them. well it probably doesnt make sense to them because they have different situations.
my FI and i were concidering eloping because timewise it would save money to be married and not have to pay room and board at school but we also wanted a ceremony and reception 5 months after so we could still celebrate. our parents were the ones paying for this all and they said, if we choose to elope, then we voluntarily miss out on a ceremony, the white dress, and an expensive reception.
for me, it was tempting to ust elope, but in the end, i knew that in a year or two or 10, i would regret not giving myself the whole wedding experience.
the others who posted though need to learn to be sesitive in thier comments, and they dont know your situtation or your reasonings, so please dont take thier concerns personally. but i do agree that having the vows and reception 6 months after the fact also means that you have to sacrifice most pre-wedding traditions as well as many wedding day traditions.
good luck and hope you have a fun time planning everything and congrats!

raashton · February 2011

I would say that something like a dinner party or BBQ is fine. I actually attended one in which the couple eloped and had a nice time. However, something I did have a problem with was that the couple registered for gifts AFTER they were married (the party about about 2 months after the wedding). That appeared a little gift-grabby to me.

lanejane · February 2011

The scenario you described seems strange to me and it may to your guests. Please, if you can, wait the six months until you can afford to have a wedding/reception. I think it will save you some headaches in the end.

Mamasgirl985 · February 2011

Sorry if this gets long!

A friend of ours did something similar to what you are talking about, but it was Army related. They had already planned thier wedding for November of 2009 but due to the fact that he was being sent to Germany that year, in order to apply for housing over their they had to already be married so in February 2009 they had a very intimate ceremony with their immediate family only. In November they did the big church wedding with the reception following it, and the bride was given a shower in the Spring after the first ceremony. It really just depends on the situation and most of your friends and family would probably understand and not be offended.

heinz11msw · February 2011

My friend got married in december (so she could get on his insurance and move in) and had her reception in june. Her shower was thrown in May. I think it is the same as a "real wedding" only the legal part of it is done early.

cyllander · November 2011

I think it could be considered similarly to if you and your fiance were having a destination wedding. Clearly, destination weddings aren't going to be large parties, but many bride and grooms would still want to celebrate with their friends and families that couldn't afford to make it to the ceremony. I think that if your friends and families care about you that they won't look at you as "gift-grabby." They would understand that just because you can't afford to have a large ceremony doesn't mean you should be limited by any other means. I say go for it, have the bridal shower (maybe make it a couple's shower since you'll be married and invite men and women) a month before the vow renewal and reception. Tell guests that they are invited to a vow renewal and reception for the bride and groom. I would just be honest with your guests. If they truly care about you then they won't mind that they are being invited to a vow renewal and reception instead of ceremony. It's YOUR wedding day, so whatever you want to do, DO it! Don't let people get you down. Best of luck!

Help!! When is it appropriate to schedule my bridal shower??

Re: Help!! When is it appropriate to schedule my bridal shower??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards