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January 2013 Weddings

Just need some support

I know that everyone is getting close to their weddings and busy so not really on here. But I need a little support today. Family support.

So there is a long backstory that involves my dad and drugs. He basically has been an addict forever and in 1994 it kind of came to a head. My mom left him, he punched out a window at my grandparents house where we lived, he stole money from her, and he disappeared. He reappears every now and then and when I was in high school up through early college I tried to have a relationship with him. It would go fine for awhile but then he would ask me to have my mom stop child support or something. He was just using me. There was a time that he leached on to another family and I sent them all Christmas presents and stuff. He sent me a bunch of emails calling me stuck up and spoiled and all these horrible things. Then he disappeared again.

Since he heard I was getting married he has been texting me non-stop. I don't normally reply. My grandpa (his dad) died this year and he contacted me afterwards (by text) asking if I wanted any pictures. I told him to send them to my mom's house. I don't want him to know where I live. This morning he sent me a bunch of nasty texts again. It started with the pictures again. Then telling me that since he wasn't invited to the wedding that he has no daughter and that I'll be divorced soon and good luck on my starter marriage. Then it launched into telling me to f*ck off and die a slow death like my mother (who is perfectly healthy by the way), calling me a b!tch, and telling me to choke on something. Then he called me the horrible c word.

I can't even. I'm so mad that I'm shaking. I told him I would call the police, but there isn't anything that they can do. I know that. Why would someone treat their daughter this way?

**Sorry for the epically long post, but I'm alone until this evening when FI gets home.

 

Re: Just need some support

  • I'm sorry to hear you are going through such an event. Please consider NOT reading any of his text for now to avoid further pain. Please know that you are in my mediations.
  • Thanks satwest. I wish it was as easy as not reading them. He changes his phone number all the time so I honestly don't know who it is until I read it. I am working on ways to block any number he has.

     

  • Kind of extreme, but could you switch numbers?
  • Yeah I could change numbers. I'm thinking about converting the phone number I have now to a Google voice number so that I can block it easier (and have a record of any voicemails or texts). We're calling the carrier tomorrow to see if we can block the number that he has now and how that would work in the future.

     

  • Block his phone number!  I am so sorry he's doing this.
  • Gonna send you a private message on this!!  Check your PM box.
    God is Faithful!
  • I can't figure out how to send a PM, so I will just write in here.  Sorry.  First of all, you are not alone with having a messed up, Dad.  However BOTH of my parents were like that.  My Mother was an addict and my Father was in and out of my life, at his convenience.  He likes to stroll in and out on a yearly or every few monthly basis.  Nice, huh?
    Thank GOD that my Grandparents raised me and I didnt have to deal with their problems all of the time.  I know they both loved me..but they have problems.  My Mother disappeared in 1999.  No word of her since.  No record of her either.  SO strange.
    My Father hasn't been around in over a year and a half...but he does know about my wedding.  Thankfully, he uses his gf to converse with me.  I have forgiven both of them (my parents) but I am better off without them in my life to be honest.  I would welcome my Mother back with open arms if she ever showed up again, but I have lost most of my hope for that happening now.  : /
    I am so sorry that your Father is doing this to you.  He is super immature and being completely seflish.  This is YOUR time to shine and you will have a BLESSED, HAPPY MARRIAGE that will last your entire lifetime!! 
    Cancel his words against you and speak life and positive things over yourself and your Fiance!  Def block his number and do not respond anymore.  It's a control thing. 
    I pray that everything works out for you!  :)

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2013-weddings_just-need-some-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:808dddd9-a33d-4d5f-8a47-f091dcd1c99fDiscussion:b7e80134-53e6-4860-b50c-8255922bc793Post:f69aedc8-0a9f-4bcd-b140-ba7412f228bc">Just need some support</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know that everyone is getting close to their weddings and busy so not really on here. But I need a little support today. Family support. So there is a long backstory that involves my dad and drugs. He basically has been an addict forever and in 1994 it kind of came to a head. My mom left him, he punched out a window at my grandparents house where we lived, he stole money from her, and he disappeared. He reappears every now and then and when I was in high school up through early college I tried to have a relationship with him. It would go fine for awhile but then he would ask me to have my mom stop child support or something. He was just using me. There was a time that he leached on to another family and I sent them all Christmas presents and stuff. He sent me a bunch of emails calling me stuck up and spoiled and all these horrible things. Then he disappeared again. Since he heard I was getting married he has been texting me non-stop. I don't normally reply. My grandpa (his dad) died this year and he contacted me afterwards (by text) asking if I wanted any pictures. I told him to send them to my mom's house. I don't want him to know where I live. This morning he sent me a bunch of nasty texts again. It started with the pictures again. Then telling me that since he wasn't invited to the wedding that he has no daughter and that I'll be divorced soon and good luck on my starter marriage. Then it launched into telling me to f*ck off and die a slow death like my mother (who is perfectly healthy by the way), calling me a b!tch, and telling me to choke on something. Then he called me the horrible c word. I can't even. I'm so mad that I'm shaking. I told him I would call the police, but there isn't anything that they can do. I know that. Why would someone treat their daughter this way? **Sorry for the epically long post, but I'm alone until this evening when FI gets home.
    Posted by staar987[/QUOTE]
    God is Faithful!
  • I must add though for my Father- he did tell his gf to tell me he is happy and sorry he can't be there.  I have fogiven him for his behavior in the past, but I do need to protect myself too and stay strong.
    God is Faithful!
  • Hopefully my support is not coming too late, but I'm really sorry your father is treating you this way. Just know that he is only trying to drag you down because he is so unhappy. Addiction is a terrible disease and hopefully someday he will realize he needs to get help. I hope you can put these awful feelings and memories aside and focus on you and your soon-to-be-husband. *sending a virtual hug your way* Keep your chin up and let that light shine!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks everyone! I truly appreciate the support. It really does mean alot to me. I felt very alone yesterday after this happened. I knew that I shouldn't take to heart the words that he said, but it is so hard not to feel them when they come from someone who should be close to you. You all have made me feel so much better! My FI brought home flowers and dinner last night and then we went to a dance class I like. It was a great way to end the day and help me realize that I am okay and don't need to put any stock in his opinion.

    As far as I know he is sober now, which just makes this behavior that much more inexcusable to me. I have been taking the needed steps to block his number and am feeling much better today. It was really just a huge blow yesterday. I don't think I will hear from him again since he claims to have disowned me yesterday. Which is pretty interesting since I haven't seen him or had a relationship with him for more than 10 years. I have also looked into Narc Anon family support groups and am planning to go to those.

    Wonderful-Thank you so much for sharing that with me. (Well us I suppose.) I'm sorry that you have had to go through all of that. It is really a hard situation. Sometimes the smartest move is to cut a toxic person out of your life. At least it sounds like your father is a little more on the right track now, but you are right-protecting yourself is the best thing that you can do. **Totally random, but to PM someone, just click on the private message button under the post of the person that you are trying to PM. I always did it the wrong way and couldn't get it to work right! :D

     

  • edited January 2013
    You're so welcome!  : )  And thank you for the PM tip!  ; ) 
    Glad to hear you are better today.  Your Fi really stepped up and thats so important.  Glad you have him.  (hug)

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2013-weddings_just-need-some-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:808dddd9-a33d-4d5f-8a47-f091dcd1c99fDiscussion:b7e80134-53e6-4860-b50c-8255922bc793Post:89000a2c-b7e2-4f45-9ca4-2f652d02b7ba">Re: Just need some support</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone! I truly appreciate the support. It really does mean alot to me. I felt very alone yesterday after this happened. I knew that I shouldn't take to heart the words that he said, but it is so hard not to feel them when they come from someone who should be close to you. You all have made me feel so much better! My FI brought home flowers and dinner last night and then we went to a dance class I like. It was a great way to end the day and help me realize that I am okay and don't need to put any stock in his opinion. As far as I know he is sober now, which just makes this behavior that much more inexcusable to me. I have been taking the needed steps to block his number and am feeling much better today. It was really just a huge blow yesterday. I don't think I will hear from him again since he claims to have disowned me yesterday. Which is pretty interesting since I haven't seen him or had a relationship with him for more than 10 years. I have also looked into Narc Anon family support groups and am planning to go to those. Wonderful-Thank you so much for sharing that with me. (Well us I suppose.) I'm sorry that you have had to go through all of that. It is really a hard situation. Sometimes the smartest move is to cut a toxic person out of your life. At least it sounds like your father is a little more on the right track now, but you are right-protecting yourself is the best thing that you can do. **Totally random, but to PM someone, just click on the private message button under the post of the person that you are trying to PM. I always did it the wrong way and couldn't get it to work right! :D
    Posted by staar987[/QUOTE]
    God is Faithful!
  • Sending prayers your way. Had to cut my step mother out of mylife which unfortunately meant also my two young sisters and my father. It is hard considering my wedding is two weeks away and my father and I used to be real close but he is so afraid of her that he wont even come to visit me and he works five min away from where I live. This is not meant to be about me but just know that prayers are being sent your way and stay strong!!!
  • jodriscoll-I"m so sorry that you are having to go through that. I agree that it is much harder around now since the wedding is so close. But it is better to cut toxic people out of our lives than have to deal with it all the time. HUGS!

     

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