If this is as bad as it gets... I'll be okay (rant)

kmac821 · March 2012

I called my mom last night to just say hey and get her opinion... my dad cheated on her with her best friend from college (horrible) and is still with her. I did the nice thing and invited them both to the wedding, and am strategically sitting those tables (mom + Dad tables) far away from each other. I realized though that for the rehearsal dinner this might cause an issue. So I asked my mom if she wanted me to tell Dad that Barbara (dad's gf/mom's ex-bestfriend) probably shouldn't come. They haven't seen each other since before the divorce (like 12 years ago) so an intimate dinner party of 25 probably isn't the time. She agreed, no Barbara. I'll tell Dad and I'm sure it'll cause some annoyance but nbd, I can handle that.

Here's where it gets interesting/annoying--my mom asked who all was invited. I listed out that its pretty much bridal party, parents & grandparents. And she was like "oh but your aunt and uncle think they are coming". FI's parents are paying for the dinner, and if we invited aunts/uncles, that would be an additional 11 people on his family alone! I asked back "well why do they think that? I didn't tell them that, I haven't sent out invitations yet". She I guess is now going to tell them, but just frustrating!

Oh mom... she did this with the ring bearers who I babysit. Kept telling them they would be coming when we decided not to invite kids because, once again, FI's family would be adding on at least 15 if we opened it up to kids (the Murphy's multiply like rabbits!).

Okay that's all!

blgrout · March 2012

My mom also invited my aunt and uncle who are not participating in the wedding (other than attending) to the rehearsal dinner that FI and I are paying for. She doesn't want them to feel "left out", because her brother is coming since my little cousin is an usher (sort of, seating grandma), and of course my grandma will be there. It's only 2 extra people, but it was just kind exasperating to have her begging me to let my grown aunt and uncle come to the RD just because she doesn't want them to feel left out. Sigh.

I hope everything goes ok between your mom and dad, that must be incredibly awkward for them, but since it was your mom who got hurt, good call on asking her who she wants at the RD, since it's a much smaller setting than the wedding itself. Your dad and his GF need to respect your mom's feeilngs (ironic, yes but you KWIM).

em01092 · March 2012

Yikes yeah that is definitley awkward. So have you told your dad yet that Barbara can't come? How did it go?

My FILs are hosting the RD and they insisted on inviting OOT family, because that's what is normal for their family. They are paying, so IDC. That may just be what your aunt and uncle are used to seeing or doing. If your FILs are paying, I assume your FILs will be sending out invites for that, as they are the hosts, so they'll probably get the hint. If not, you or your mom can delicately put it that FILs are hosting and it is for WP members and immediate family only.

kmac821 · March 2012

Ya I'm not sure where that idea came from. My side of the family is super small and I'm the first cousin to get married so there hasn't really been a precedent set. They also aren't out of town (which I totally get, I'm inviting my half-bro's from my dad's first marriage because they are coming from Seattle and NYC and this will be the 2nd time in 10 years we've all been in one place together).

I haven't told my dad yet, I didn't want to send an email and figured a phone call is required. I'll call him on my walk home from work today. I'll let you guys know how it goes!

kmac821 · March 2012

Okay update! I called my dad and after a long chat he agreed to talking to Barbara. He kept saying how he doesn't want it to be awkward because of the 'mean things your mother said to Barbara" ... he is in denial and to this day tells us he didn't cheat on my mom with her. I told him that bottom line, take Barbara out of it, it makes me nervous and stressed out just having Mom & Dad in the same room, so I really don't need any extra stress by having Barbara there. I think he understood that so that is what we are going forward with.

Yay! One problem solved!

If this is as bad as it gets... I'll be okay (rant)

Re: If this is as bad as it gets... I'll be okay (rant)

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