Pastor problem ... need advice!

kstirton · March 2012

I need advice!! My fiance and I had an officiant picked out (informaly) hadn't paid anything ... then starting going to a church where we liked the pastor a lot. We've probably been going now for a couple months. About a month ago we asked him about marrying us. He said he'd do it - and that he offered pre marital counseling, which we are looking forward to - and doesn't charge anything to marry us. I've heard from him maybe once or twice since then - seen him at church but he struggles to remember my name ( i understand w/ an attendance of around 1000 guests). However - I just get the feeling like I am worried that he won't be reliable, or that he won't show up, or will have something come up, etc. One thing I was to be confident in is the person who will be doing the actual marrying! The wedding date isn't until October 20th ... so, I don't know. Am I just stressing?? I sent him an e-mail on Monday touching base and asking if we could meet in the next few weeks to discuss the process. I haven't heard back from him. Help! I don't want to be a naggy bride to be - but I also want to have my ducks in a row!

jjolovich · March 2012

My advice to you would be to make sure the church knows you would like him to marry you that way you will be on his calendar. You don't need to be in touch with him until you start marriage counseling, depending on how he does it could be anywhere from 3-5 months before the wedding. I would at least call the church to let them know to save your date

toothpastechica · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_pastor-problem-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bc49dca9-5042-4cb4-89f4-7baa21e128b0Post:579245c7-3b15-45bf-a2c0-abc1b6cb2de4">Re: Pastor problem ... need advice!</a>:
[QUOTE]Once you have contacted the pastor, make the rest of your arrangements through the church secretary. She keeps track of his schedule. Not all people are good at remembering names. Most pastors write the names down on a small piece of paper and have it with them during the ceremony, just in case they get a senior moment. The church secretary really runs things. I was a church organist, and worked at more than a hundred weddings for many different officiants. It will be fine.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

This....call the church office and arrange it through them, they will know any things that are unmovable, or will be able to book you/give you info on payment etc.

ElisabethJoanne · March 2012

And if, like my church, there's no secretary, send a very clear e-mail to the pastor (wait another few weeks, though) that you are planning on having him officiate, and asking how many meetings for counseling, in what form, on what timeline, and providing a one-sentence explanation of your schedule. If you've booked anything, like a reception space, let him know, so he understands you're not changing your date to accomodate his schedule; you'll find someone else. Don't say the second part, just a simple "We've already booked..."

Then tell yourself that even though your wedding isn't as important to him as it is to you, he is an adult and a professional, and you've done your part.

This is my approach. My wedding involves 5 Priests and 1 rabbi, with the participation of 2 Priests in particular very important to me. They've known me since I was 12, and I trust they'll work around any last-minute scheduling problems they've created because they've delayed scheduling counseling for months. I don't see any other way to be polite and respectful and force them to get counseling "out of the way" early. They won't force me to cancel the wedding; we might have to do counseling by phone. Oh, well, Bridges to cross when come to.

Pastor problem ... need advice!

Re: Pastor problem ... need advice!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards