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Rehearsal Dinner question

scrpio421scrpio421
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Ok, I see you get many questions on here about these, but I wonder how to approach this one.

So my FMIL said after we got engaged she would be taking care of the rehearsal dinner. The problem is that she lives out in the boondocks of NH and it's about 1- 1 1/2 hours away from the hotel (where most of the guests will be) and ceremony location and a GPS will not work in her town. So she's dropped hints about wanting to host it at her house (not sure if she realises 41 people need to be invited). I am REALLY against this because asking guest to drive 3 hours round trip without an option for a GPS is just ridiculous. Some of the streets don't even have signs! A map would just be a nightmare.

How do I bring this up to her? She's already mentioned (about a year ago) that the rehearsal dinner is up to her and I have no say, I just brushed it off and figured it was too early to touch that one.

We are coming up to the point that we need to start thinking about it, so do I bring it up to her? I've talked to my FI and he wants it at a restaurant that has a separate room to do private functions. This is fine with me, but just doesn't always stand up to her so well, I'm afraid that she will railroad this. I'm fine with a casual BBQ because of our high number, but I just against the distance.

Any advice on how to discuss this without upsetting her? She gets upset with us for silly things and won't talk to us for weeks. It's strange.

Is our only option hosting it ourselves? This is our last resort, I would really like to take her up on her offer if we could.
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner question

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Whoever hosts the RD gets to decide on the number of guests. The guest list must include the wp, immediate family and anyone else who is expected to attend the rehearsal, along with their significant others. Any other guests are invited at the hosts discretion.

    The host also gets to decide on the location and formality of the dinner. BUT,  she should take into consideration the convenience of the guests. IMO, it is unreasonable to expect the RD guests to travel 3 hours, round trip for the dinner.

    Since FMIL offered to host the RD, Fi should talk to her, privately,  about his concerns. If she tells him she plans on hosting the dinner at  a location that is inconvenient for the guests, then he should turn down her offer.





                       
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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Maire.  I'm sorry she's put you in such an awkward position.  She may have concerns over finances or something that you don't even know about.  Have your fiance talk to her kindly.  If you guys can't come to an agreement, then turn down her offer and host the RD yourselves.

    Also?  Plenty of people drive without GPSs.  My goodness - I don't even own one and I really don't want one.

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    jmconley08jmconley08 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Traveling this much is ridiculous. My RD is across town (15 mins from hotel) and I think that's far enough. Tell her politely that hosting it that far away is out of the question. Is the issue cost? Just thinking that bc she said she wants it at her house. Idk maybe offer to pay?

    Where in NH are you getting married. I'm getting married in Maine and went to school at Plymouth State :)
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    scrpio421scrpio421
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Thanks for the suggestions, my parents said that they will try to help us out with it if she throws a fit about it.  I do think it is a cost issue, and I am fine with trying to keep the cost down. I just want it to be reasonable and not such an inconvience for our guests.

    jmconley, I'm getting married at the Executive Court in Manchester. Everything is all right there: ceremony, reception and even the hotel is across the parking lot!
    So your from Maine and living in Mississippi?

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    mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would bring it up by saying:  'Look, about the RD, I think we have different expectations as to what kind of dinner this will be.  I had hoped to invite 41 people (you don't need to say the number, but say BP, their SOs, the officiants, immediate family, whatever that number is made of) and I was also hoping to have it closer to the ceremony location." 

    If she won't see eye-to-eye, then you need to decline her offer to host and say that you two will take care of it on your own. 
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