New and advice please!

KD+BC · December 2009

Hi ladies! I am newly engaged and have a question. I am trying to decide what to do for my bridesmaids. FI is asking his brother to be his best man and two close friends to be groomsmen. I am asking my sister to be MOH. I have two friends (one of which is dating FI's brother) that I would like to ask as well as FI's sister. I am not close with FI's sister but since all of our other siblings, as well as a gf of a sibling, are in the WP it would be nice to ask her.

I'm not totally against uneven sides but my question is, how many of you have seen, or are having, uneven numbers of BMs and GM?

SarahPLiz · December 2009

I have 2 MOHs and FI has a Groomswoman. THese are the people we are the closest to, and uneven sides or an all-female wedding party don't concern us one bit.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

We're having 6 on my side and either 4 or 5 on his (best man is MIA). This includes a bridesman and a groomswoman.

Just ask the people closest to you, and your FI should ask the people closest to him, regardless of numbers. His sister can always stand on his side.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

A lot of people have uneven sides...it's just fine. I'm having 5 on my side and FI will have 6 on his. No one will probably even notice. You should choose the people you are closest to without regard to ratios and numbers...think about it. If you left off your FSIL, you would basically be sending the message that even sides are more important than having the people closest to you by your side while you get married.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

We had 4 on my side, 2 on his.

On this board, uneven sides are more common than even.

KD+BC · December 2009

Thanks ladies! It's very uncommon among my friends but I don't give a crap about that. I agree that leaving her off for the sake of even sides is pretty selfish. I was just curious how common it was in the rest of the world!

gottahavashorti · December 2009

We have 3 each since we decided we wanted to keep the WP small and that was where both of our numbers landed, I had never heard of uneven sides at that point but we weren't really thinking about whether the sides were even anyway.

I honestly have no clue whether I have seen uneven sides in real life. I probably have, but that's not the kind of thing I pay attention to at a wedding. It's more BM, BM, oh hey I like that BM's shoes, and time to stand for the bride.

It's also okay not to have single sex sides. Your FI can also ask his sister to be a groomswoman, or ask her to be a groomswoman with the option of being a BM if she is uncomfortable with the idea of a groomswoman.

skippylouwho · December 2009

My DD and her FI are having:
1 MOH
8 Bridesmaids
1 BM
8 Groomsmen
3 or 4 ushers (honestly it's like a freaking explosion and I can't keep count).

And my last comment is just between all of us. I've not said anything to either DD or her FI. I just happen to think it's gotten out of control - but it's NOT MY WEDDING so I'm keeping my mouth shut about it, at least to them and anyone who knows us.

SocialWorker2B · December 2009

Ditto skippy, that is a lot of people. Geez, I talked my friend out of having 5 BMs because I thought that was too much and now she's having 1 MOH and 2 BMs. To be honest, she was just asking the other 2 to even out of the sides and now I think her FI is still have 5 people, 1 BM and 4 GMs although she may try to talk him out of 2 GM by the wedding date.

I didn't have any attendants but I think I would have capped it at 1 MOH and 3 BMs. Otherwise, it just gets out of control with different budgets, trying to find dresses and gifts and coordinating things.

OP, don't worry a bit about uneven sides! Totally modern. But, I do think it's a bit odd that you are asking FI's sister - perhaps he should ask her? Totally fine to have a Groomswoman, as pp said, but then again, she may be more comfortable as a BM rather then a GW.

GL - no matter what you do, you can't go wrong as long as you pick the people you are closest to!

mags0607 · December 2009

We might be having uneven sides. I have asked 5 BMs and a MOH, Fi has 1 BM 4 BM. He will have a 5th if his friend is back from Peru. He is leaving on Saturday and is going to study the Shaman. (yes, its as crazy as it sounds). He doesn't have a return date in mind, not even a ballpark one, so who knows where he might be in 9 months.

Its actually getting a lot more common where I am from.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

Photos in bio.

KD+BC · December 2009

Thanks everyone! Your advice has been very helpful! I was thinking of suggesting that FI ask her to be a groomswoman but his family is kind of traditional and I think she would be more comfortable being a BM. Maybe this experience will help us to become closer. We don't have issues with each other, just not much in common.

Thanks again!

mbcdefg · December 2009

We each have two attendants, but it just so happened to work out that way. I only wanted two from the get-go ... FI was considering up to four total guys. And I was totally open to having my brother on my side, but FI said he'd like to ask him to be a groomsman.

If you're newly engaged (congrats!), I might suggest waiting on the bridal party decision for a while. You will want to hammer out some more details first ... an overall budget, a ceremony site, a reception site, a concrete date, the overall feel of the wedding, etc. All of things can make a difference in who you select and how large/small your wedding party is (extra flowers and limo space cost money; 6 bridesmaids might be weird for a 50-guest wedding; you don't want to ask people to participate in something before you have a date and a place set in stone; etc.) You really don't need to ask anyone more than 10 months out from your date - because once you ask, you really can't un-ask, so it never hurts to wait, especially if you're unsure.

As for your FI's sister ... whether you ask her to be your attendant or FI's attendant is up to you guys. If you're unsure, talk to her and ask her what she'd be comfortable with. If she's his attendant, she can wear a black dress of her choice. If she's your attendant, that's great, but just don't build up your expectations super-high. A lot of people ask sisters-in-law or distant friends to be BMs with the hope of becoming closer, and oftentimes it doesn't happen and the bride gets disappointed or mad. Expect nothing more from her than to get the dress and be in the wedding, and then that way if she DOES do more it'll be a nice bonus.

KD+BC · December 2009

mbcdefg-thanks for the advice! I don't plan on asking until we have a date (meaning we have venues and such) but we are trying to get married this summer so I will have to ask pretty soon after we have a date! I am newly engaged and my FI keeps laughing at me because I'm jumping head first into planning. That's what happens when I get engaged on Christmas and then have a week and a half off to do nothing but think about it! (I'm a teacher)

ButtonsPepper · December 2009

I have 6 FI has 5. I asked who I wanted, he asked who he wanted..

New and advice please!

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