NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG)

rlavach · February 2012

So, this is going to get long.

When my FI came to the US, he didn’t have many job options. His brother set him up with a construction guy & he worked there on/off for 2 years. He paid him terribly and often only worked 1-2 days/week. He basically made nothing.

When we started dating, I said this was unacceptable. He had to find something else. Turns out that this boss was verbally abusive to him. He’d yell, scream, name call, the works. He was very prejudice and derogatory. Much like a person enduring domestic violence, my FI felt that he somehow deserved it or had no choice but to put up with it. Like it was normal. This guy really twisted his head.

One day he snapped. The boss yelled & got so mad over something that he started to choke my FI. With both hands he choked him to the point that he fell to the ground powerless. My FI is not small. He is very strong, so that’s hard to do. The only thing that saved him from completely passing out was that the boss’s phone accidentally pocket dialed a coworker who walked in to find out what he wanted.

Even after all of that I had to convince him to leave. I assured him that this man’s pennies weren’t worth his life. Since then he got a pretty good job and hasn’t seen him since. No contact.

FI lives with his brother & SIL until we get married. When he gets home last night, who does he see in the house? His former boss. The man that tried to kill him. His brother wants to hire him to do renovations. His brother KNOWS what happened. He was pissed & even threatened to go to a lawyer to have charges pressed. Well money is obviously more important to him than his brother because this guy is cheap labor.

Needless to say, my FI feels betrayed. He is incredibly upset/mad/hurt/disappointed. He wants to move out this weekend instead of next week. I don’t have siblings, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to treat each other.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

CN: FI was once almost killed by his boss. Now FI’s brother is hiring this guy to do work on their house because he’s cheap. FI feels betrayed.

quiggels219 · February 2012

Umm all I can say is wow. First I am so sorry your fiancé had to go through something like that - it beaks my heart that there are people in this world that think it's ok to treat others with such disrespect. The guy should be in jail and should not be able to run a business. Is he even paying minimum wage? Not that you care at this point or that it matters. People honestly disgust me sometimes. On to your question, no that is not normal, at least not in my family. If someone treated someone like that they would never be welcome anywhere around anyone. If I was your fiancé I'd move out early - I would not put myself in that position, the guy is obviously unstable and I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him. Hugs to you and your fi.

rlavach · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_nwr-is-this-messed-up-or-what-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:ba8e6492-1ca8-42d7-a7dd-d170666297eaPost:59cd8dcf-77c3-4071-890f-60099245e7c7">Re: NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG)</a>:
[QUOTE]Umm all I can say is wow. First I am so sorry your fiancé had to go through something like that - it beaks my heart that there are people in this world that think it's ok to treat others with such disrespect. The guy should be in jail and should not be able to run a business. Is he even paying minimum wage? Not that you care at this point or that it matters. People honestly disgust me sometimes. On to your question, no that is not normal, at least not in my family. If someone treated someone like that they would never be welcome anywhere around anyone. If I was your fiancé I'd move out early - I would not put myself in that position, the guy is obviously unstable and I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him. Hugs to you and your fi.
Posted by quiggels219[/QUOTE]
Thank you for your kind words. He was paying minimum wage, but when you only give someone 10 hours of work a week, every other week, it doesn't really matter. <div>
</div><div>I feel so bad because there is nothing I can do to fix it or make him feel better. I know I didn't cause it, but I want to fix it! This brother was supposed to be his Best Man. I haven't asked, but I have a feeling that won't be happening anymore. He did say he doesn't want to see him anymore after the wedding, so I'm taking that to mean that he's still invited. <div>
</div><div>I actually really don't like this brother & his wife for previously unrelated reasons. This just adds to it now. I've been the nice fiance who accepts their invites even though I'd rather poke my eyes out than hang out with them. Hopefully we can just cut these people out for good now. I'll keep you posted!</div></div>

swimfast39 · February 2012

that is really messed up. it's terrible that your FI had to endure that abuse in the first place, and now his brother is bringing the boss back into the place where your FI lives! it doesn't make any sense. i know all families are different but if something like that happened to one of my siblings, i would never have anything to do with the boss again. and i know it would be the other way too. sounds like since you have had previous issues with the brother and his wife, it might be better for you to just cut your losses after the wedding and move on. i have major issues with my FBIL too. sorry you have to deal with this and try not to let it ruin this happy time!

rlavach · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_nwr-is-this-messed-up-or-what-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:ba8e6492-1ca8-42d7-a7dd-d170666297eaPost:50e107b4-67e4-46fd-bd89-9233f21e1cb4">Re: NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG)</a>:
[QUOTE]that is really messed up. it's terrible that your FI had to endure that abuse in the first place, and now his brother is bringing the boss back into the place where your FI lives! it doesn't make any sense. i know all families are different but if something like that happened to one of my siblings, i would never have anything to do with the boss again. and i know it would be the other way too. sounds like since you have had previous issues with the brother and his wife, it might be better for you to just cut your losses after the wedding and move on. i have major issues with my FBIL too. sorry you have to deal with this and<strong> try not to let it ruin this happy time!</strong>
Posted by swimfast39[/QUOTE]
This is the problem! We've had so much to deal with the past few weeks that it's getting overwhelming, especially for me. Now he gets hit with that. It was so calm before! I definitely can't wait until all of this is over.<div>
</div><div>On a brighter note, I just found out my dress came in! Woot woot! Going for a fitting in 2 weeks.</div>

blgrout · February 2012

Wow, I am so sorry ya'll are going through this! That is just crazy, I cannot believe that someone would do that to an employee! And I would definitely feel betrayed if I were your FI. The man tried to kill him!

If their priorities are to save money, rather than stand by family, I would cut them loose from my life. I've never been in your situation with something like this so I'm afraid I don't have much advice. Having family members with messed up priorities is something I do have though, and I am civil with them when I have to be around them, but I try to keep any interactions to a minimu because I can't stand what they believe in.

Good luck with this! You'll be in my thoughts

cdbishop · February 2012

I don't even know what to say. In the first place, how can a boss treat an employee like that. Did FI ever press charges and what did the other employee that saw this say?

Then to have FBIL hire this man. I agree with PP that if anything ever happened to someone in my family like happened to FI, no one would ever have contact with that person again. Is there anyway FI can move out before the wedding? And I agree if the relationship with FBIL and his wife aren't good then maybe it is best to take some space or maybe try to talk to them and work through it if the family is important to keep in your lives.

rlavach · February 2012

He never pressed charges. He was scared to get teh police involved due to legal reasons. The other employee didn't say anything because he was also being verbally abused and was afraid to be the rat.

Originally the plan was for me to move into the apartment & him join when we get married. Then his bro & SIL told him he needed to be out by March 1st so they could renovate...little did we know.

The plan was for him to move in 2 weekends b/c by then we'll have all the furniture. It looks like he's moving out this weekend instead. Whenever his brother is unkind to him, he is upset for a few days & then gets over it. He'll act like nothing happened. This time, I don't think he's going to get over it.

The only thing I can do is help him move his stuff in there & cook him enough food for the week so he doesn't have to worry about that. Thanks for all of the kind words, ladies. Is it April yet??

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_nwr-is-this-messed-up-or-what-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:ba8e6492-1ca8-42d7-a7dd-d170666297eaPost:55bc1722-15a1-48ba-8eef-7cf9910e1a4c">Re: NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>He never pressed charges. He was scared to get teh police involved due to legal reasons.</strong> The other employee didn't say anything because he was also being verbally abused and was afraid to be the rat. Originally the plan was for me to move into the apartment & him join when we get married. Then his bro & SIL told him he needed to be out by March 1st so they could renovate...little did we know. The plan was for him to move in 2 weekends b/c by then we'll have all the furniture. It looks like he's moving out this weekend instead. Whenever his brother is unkind to him, he is upset for a few days & then gets over it. He'll act like nothing happened. This time, I don't think he's going to get over it. The only thing I can do is help him move his stuff in there & cook him enough food for the week so he doesn't have to worry about that. Thanks for all of the kind words, ladies. Is it April yet??
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

<div>So I hate to ask this, but if your FI here illegally? Based on this and you saying he didn't have a lot of job options but he could work in construction, that's kind of what it sounds like but I'm not sure.If so, I am in no way judging or meaning that in a bad way. And if you'd rather not say, I understand. I realize he may be afraid but there are groups and organizations that fight for the rights of undocumented people, if he isn't here legally. Ignore this if that's not the case. </div><div>
</div><div>Or did the guy hire your FI/pay him under the table and your FI is afraid he would get in trouble/get the guy in trouble? Regardless, that does not give that guy the right to treat your FI like that. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. </div>

rlavach · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_nwr-is-this-messed-up-or-what-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:ba8e6492-1ca8-42d7-a7dd-d170666297eaPost:afbf6cc2-764f-47a2-acec-daa456442bbd">Re: NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG) : So I hate to ask this, but if your FI here illegally? Based on this and you saying he didn't have a lot of job options but he could work in construction, that's kind of what it sounds like but I'm not sure.If so, I am in no way judging or meaning that in a bad way. And if you'd rather not say, I understand. I realize he may be afraid but there are groups and organizations that fight for the rights of undocumented people, if he isn't here legally. Ignore this if that's not the case. Or did the guy hire your FI/pay him under the table and your FI is afraid he would get in trouble/get the guy in trouble? Regardless, that does not give that guy the right to treat your FI like that. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]
I prefer not to answer, but I think the answer is obvious. If you saw one of my other posts regarding having a surprise $4500 bill coming, well it has to do with that. <div>
</div><div>Anyone else have a major chocolate craving, or is it just me? o.O</div>

robinsauro · February 2012

I can't believe his boss did that. No matter whether your fiance is here legally or not, he really should tell the police. His citizenship has nothing to do with it - assault is assault and no one should have to deal with that! I'm sorry that you guys are going through this!

NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG)

Re: NWR: Is This Messed Up or What? (LONG)

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