Plans for the week

Re: Plans for the week

• DFWIndian

  

  December 2010 edited December 2011

  Today, Tomorrow, Wednesday: Working out in the evenings and maybe work on wedding things
  
  Thursday: Pack for my trip to San Antonio.
  
  Friday: Go to San Antonio
  
  Saturday: Friend's baby shower and my birthday... still have no clue what we do.

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• HisBelovedOne

  

  December 2010 edited December 2011

  Throughout the week, I have some baby crochet projects to work on.
  
  Today is Kidlet's 5th birthday, so R and I are going to take cupcakes to his class in about half an hour. Tonight I have to finish making and setting up Christmas decorations.
  
  Tomorrow we're sitting down and having a very long talk about this thing that's going on with his mother's manipulative behavior. Every time we decide something that his family doesn't like, his mom cries (real tears and everything) and carries on like I'm the worst person in the world until he gets sick of hearing it, throws up his hands and gives in to make her quit crying. She basically refuses to allow him to make any major decisions without needing to have a hand in it. On top of that, she's been encouraging him to hide things from me by telling him to just decide on things without my input and not tell me about them until last minute when it's supposed to happen. I had thought we'd gotten past this, but something else came up this weekend and it HAS to stop. We can't make her change her behaviors, but he needs to realize that the kids and I are his immediate family now and we're supposed to be his priority - not his mother. Personally, I'd prefer to treat her like one treats a tantrum-throwing preschooler - let her cry. She'll get over it and realize that her fits aren't going to work, but only if he stops giving in to her.
  
  Depending on how the talk goes tomorrow, I may or may not be packing up to move back to my mom's house on Wednesday until he can figure out that his mom doesn't get to run our relationship.

  

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• Hinaj member

  

  December 2010 edited December 2011

  Kind of sounds like my FMIL beloved!!!

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• HisBelovedOne

  

  December 2010 edited December 2011

  Unfortunately, putting off painful conversations only makes them worse. It's very draining. I may not wait till tomorrow; I might instead wait till Kidlet is asleep tonight, and keep tomorrow for preparing to leave if it comes to that. I didn't want to ruin the birthday by having such a heavy conversation with R. I'm basically making him choose, and I don't want to have to do that. I told him that I wouldn't make him choose, but at the time I hadn't anticipated his family being this difficult. I just want him to be able to do right by me and the kids, but standing up for us is almost certainly going to result in his family writing him off for not doing things their culture's way.
  
  When we started dating, and up until he moved out of his parents' home, he had never fully claimed his family's culture. He's starting to change that now, and whie that isn't a problem in itself, it's also changing his ability to be consistent with me and his personality is starting to change a little too. He's caving to his mother when she cries about how hurt she is and says that he's doing things "the wrong way." He never used to do that. And he doesn't seem to understand even direct words like, "this is not right and it needs to stop." He wants to tell me that I'm too uncompromising (when I'm the only one trying to find ANY kind of compromise) and act like I'm the bad guy, making his mother upset and such.
  
  I'm heartbroken over this. I know that leaving is the only way to protect my kids from witnessing his family walking all over us through their behavior, but at the same time I don't want to lose him forever and I'm afraid that if I walk, that's exactly what's going to happen.

  

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• raangoli

  

  December 2010 edited December 2011

  Ugh, I hope your talk went well yesterday, Beloved. I also hope that your son had a great birthday and enjoyed the cupcakes and party at school!
  
  If it makes you feel better, I don't think you are out of line in wanting your future husband to realize that he needs to side with you and your family with him. You have an absolute point that you are now his priority, I think his mother needs to hear that. But from the sounds of it, she won't listen to any sort of reason.
  
  You have quite the battle ahead of you, I hope it goes well!
  

  

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