Dad's Confused

SamFunk · January 2013

My father is wonderful. Always been supportive, loves me regardless, and tries really really hard to be politically correct, with often hilarious results. Anyway, when I told him that my fiance and I were going to have a church ceremony (imagine a church in a town with less than 10,000 people is excite to 'marry' lesbians!), he was really confused and said that since we couldn't really get married, why not just have a little party with family instead? He talked about how much cheaper it would be (he and my mom aren't helping financially for perfectly acceptable reasons of their own). I had no real comeback except that my fiance and I just want to do it that way. It's important that we be united in front of God and that we celebrate with our family and friends. I guess....is it weird that we want to have such a traditional ceremony/reception even though we can't get legally married? We've been calling it a wedding and saying we're getting married...now I'm unsure that saying that it alright...GAH!

QueerFemme · January 2013

We had a big traditional ceremony and a big traditional reception. Ours isn't legal either. Just because the govt won't recognize our marriage doesn't mean I didn't want our friends, family and community to be able to recognize it.

amberleigh325 · January 2013

I agree! We live in Oregon, where gay marriage isn't recognized. However, we do have domestic partnerships. In the last few months Washington approved gay marriage. Therefore we are still having a wedding and reception in Oregon, where we live and where most of our friends and family live (and where our venue is that we put our security deposit down on). Even though a ceremony isn't technically required in Oregon for a same-sex couple to become domestic partners, it is still important to us. We figure we can always run up to Washington to be "married" in that state, but just because our state is behind on recognizing our marriage does't mean that getting married, by a reverend, in front of all of our friends and family is any less real or legitimate.

Stick with your plan. It is important to you, and your marriage will be a real marriage. Don't let anyone challenge the validity of your marriage because you live in a state that discriminates against you and does't give you full rights. If you consider it a wedding, and your church considers it a wedding, why should your father not just because your state doesn't? Tell your father that it is especially important to you to have a church marriage in front of your family and friends because you *don't* automatically get the same legal rights and recognition opposite sex couples do.

noahark1 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_dads-confused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:44Discussion:8d287876-74f6-4415-ac2c-b0d1cffbe200Post:567aeded-1d6b-4eb9-b280-9c45778b1805">Re:Dad's Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a big traditional ceremony and a big traditional reception. Ours isn't legal either. Just because the govt won't recognize our marriage doesn't mean I didn't want our friends, family and community to be able to recognize it.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This! While our state will not recognize our marriage, it is important to us that we give our union the same respect, recognition and celebration as any couple being married. It is also important to us that our ceremony be a religious one. </div><div>
</div><div>With that being said, we are having a DW in Massachusetts where we will be legally recognized. Reasons include: (1) my former colleague in ministry is a minister in Mass and he will be performing the ceremony (2) we are ever hopeful that at some point in the near future the govt will recognize our marriage retroactively and we will not have to get married again to be legal, and (3) once married I will be eligible to receive health benefits from my FW's job as she works for a company and in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage benefits for their employees. Another very big reason to be married as legally as we can be is our family. I have children from a previous marriage and we want there to be no mistake that we are all family joining together. Their father walked out on them years ago and now we need to give our family as much legal protection as we are currently allowed. While our state may not recognize us, our intent is being made very clear</div>

noahark1 · January 2013

So absolutely celebrate your union and commitment to each other to its fullness.

Don't allow discrimination and hatred to cheapen or lessen your special day when you solemnize your love and relationship.

shaneollenberger · February 2013

I went through something recently with my parents that was very unexpected...... they have always been supportive of me and our relationship.

When they found out we were getting married they had a very harsh reaction......

in the end they are ok with it now.

I say you need to do what is right for you and no one else

jayandrafael · February 2013

You should do whatever YOU want. Its your wedding

We are getting officially married in another state, and then having a ceremony and reception at home. We won't be legally married in our home state of Florida for the time being, but having a ceremony and reception is important to us.

Don't sacrafice what you both want just to make your parents happy. They will be happy for you no matter what you choose, and you will be happier if you do exactly what you want. Congratulations!!

Daizy106 · February 2013

when i look at these posts on "Gay weddings" and things come up like is it weird that we are having a "traditional straight wedding"--i think to myself why is it considered a "traditional straight wedding" ? Traditional weddings consist of the whole shabang. YOu have the couple who is going to be married, the wedding party, the wedding hall, flower and photographers, djs etc. thats what make a wedding "traditional" not the two people getting married. Just how i said in previous posts- a wedding is a wedding whether your gay or straight. Its YOUR wedding. You plan YOUR wedding how YOU (you being you and your significant other) want it to be. It doesnt matter if you have a big wedding in a hall with a wedding party or go down to city hall and have a party in the backyard. whatever floats your boat. I'm straight btw. And couldn't be more happier that gay marriage is being accepted and recognized after so long in several states. The world is making progress.

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