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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Address envelopes at shower?!
Hi girls,
I'm a bridesmaid in my brother's fiancee's wedding. I think she's great and am so happy my brother is marrying her and that she asked me to be in the wedding party! But I'm having an issue with the MOH, who recently started sending us e-mails about shower planning... I'm happy to do it, that isn't the issue, but one of her to-do items was "Somebody needs to make sure we buy enough thank you notes so guests can address their own thank you note envelopes at the shower."
WTF?! I have never heard of this being done and am horrified! To me it's like saying that the bride doesn't really care about thanking anybody so the least her guests can do is make it easier on her. And I'm not some fussy old biddy, either - I'm 23! I can only imagine what the actual fussy old biddies will think...
The problem is, since I'm the groom's sister, I don't know many of the other bridesmaids or the MOH well (MOH is a college friend, other bridesmaids are sisters and friends). How can I tactfully raise that this is a rude, tacky idea without getting slapped with the "sister-in-law-zilla" label?
Thanks girls!
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Re: Address envelopes at shower?!
For my shower, my FMIL suggested this and my mom had a similar reaction to you. They were co-hosting. My mom mentioned it to me and I basically told her that I wanted to buy my own thank you notes anyway, so I'd prefer if they didn't do that. I wanted to get notes that matched the wedding colors and I was planning to use the same cards for shower and wedding gifts, so I saw no reason to have FMIL/my mom buy the shower cards.
Maybe approach it this way. Ask the MOH or even the bride her thoughts. Perhaps she'd rather pick out her own cards and thus there's no reason to worry about having something at the shower.
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At the end of the day, if she insists on going ahead with it, there's not much you can do once you voice your opinion. It won't look bad on you.
[QUOTE]I agree I find it off-putting. Undoubtedly, the bride would have these addresses already for wedding invitations, and it really only takes her an extra minute to address the envelope when writing a TY note. I might write an e-mail to just the MOH using some of the PP's suggestions, like mentioning you have seen it done before, and guests were offended, etc. At the end of the day, if she insists on going ahead with it, there's not much you can do once you voice your opinion.<strong> It won't look bad on you.
</strong>Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
I think it will look bad on the OP--she's one of the shower hostesses.
If you want to avoid confrontation, can you just volunteer to get the TY notes and address them yourself? Then if the MOH mentions it, you can feign ignorance--say you never saw guests address their own TY notes before, so you just figured you would do it to make it easier on the bride--and since it's already done, there wouldn't be a way to do it at the shower.
[QUOTE]This is a popular new "trend" that I find disgustingly rude and<u><strong> lazy </strong></u>personally. [/QUOTE]
That's exactly what I think: lazy!
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I did it then and I've done it since, and was I "that offended"? No, but even when it was phrased a little more tactfully, the message that came across was still that somehow we, the invited guests, were a social burden on the bride and could ease the nuisance we had created for her by bringing a gift. Not at all how I'd ever want a friend/loved one of mine to feel!
It's also weird when you get the card later in the mail. Reminiscent of appointment reminders from a dentist's/doctor's office or those mail-order information/opportunity ads ("send us a self-addressed, stamped envelope plus $14.95 to learn how you can earn money just by thinking positive thoughts!"), not a personal gesture of appreciation.
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