renewing vows!

tbrown20040 · October 2012

My husband and i want to renew our vows for our 10 yr. We never had a real wedding (JP). April 20 2014 is the day! But when should i start planning do i wait to next yr or start now? And what should i do first? I have a dress thats about it.

Maggie0829 · October 2012

Well first you did have a real wedding, you just didn't have the big elaborate party that you may have wanted at the time.

As for your vow renewal, you can start planning whenever you want. Just know that there are a few things that you should eliminate from the party. You can certainly wear a white dress but I would shy away from a big pouffy or overtly wedding style dress. There shouldn't be any spotlight dances or cake cutting or any pre-wedding parties (showers or bach parties). Also, no wedding party, flower girls or ring bearers.

This is a time to renew your committment to each other not a time to have the big wedding that you missed out on. Just have some great food, great drinks, and great music and everyone should have a fun time.

Summer2011Bride · October 2012

Ditto Maggie. A JP IS a real wedding.

It really depends how big of a party this as to how far in advance you need to plan. If you are planning on having it at a venue, getting it catered, hiring a band or DJ, etc., then I would start looking maybe next summer. If it's at your home or a restaurant with a smaller group of people, I think a couple months out would be enough time.

I also agree with Maggie on what should NOT be included at a vow renewal (bridal party, etc).

lls31 · October 2012

A JP is officiating my wedding in November. I certainly consider it a real wedding. Ditto what PPs said.

tbrown20040 · October 2012

No we are not planning any parties or anything but we wanted our kids involved we have a 2 yr old which by the he will be over 3 which i thought he could stand by us with the rings (maybe) we also have 4 other kids 2 his 2 mine so how could we fit them info everything? I'm sorry should have put it another way yes JP is a really wedding but not the wedding we wanted!

lyndausvi · October 2012

I think the kids are fine for the WP.

I think a spotlight dance is also fine. Just don't call it a first dance, because it's not. I would not do father/daughter mom/son dances with your own parents. But it might be cut with you and your kids.

I don't have a problem with caking cutting either. Most parties (birthdays, anniversaries, grand openings, etc) have cake and the guest(s) of honor normally cuts the cake is a ceremonial type way. I don't see why this needs to be any different.

Have fun.

jenajjthr · October 2012

OP you already replied that a JOP is a real wedding, but I was gonna add my original JOP wedding was real enough that I needed a lawyer and court to get a divorce.

Congrats on getting to 10 years and wanting the party that goes with it. Like PP's have said, keep it simple. Focus more on the celebration of the milestone. My step grandparents just celebrated their 60th and their was a cake cutting, and it was beautiful.

Typical wedding advice stands on etiquette, figure out your budget first (big party or something less extravegant) then decide your guest list based on what you can afford to spend.

married20 · October 2012

In today's day and age making it 5, 10 and in my case 20 years IS something to be celebrated. I have been there through my friends divorces, second marriage and in some case a third. All I can say is that people who say follow ettiquette, here is the NEW Thinking:

No this is NOT a wedding so why would you need/want attendants BUT
Kids should be included

If you are celebrating a marriage anniversay and people do have those kinds of parties then presents are often part of it, but don't register.

Dress: What makes you feel comfortable. I am wearing platinum for mine. For some reason the 20 year is platinum and 25 silver? weird I know.

The vow-rewal is in February 4 days before my actual anniversary because a mid week ceremony just won't work.

Cake: Yes and cutting it why would you not? You don't HAVE to do it together, but I think it is nice. My grandparents did this every anniversary.

Dance, why would you not dance with your husband? We chose a song from Casablanca AS Time Goes By and our pre renewal song is 100 years.

We are also having a party, but it is a High Tea and everything is being made by me. Thankfully I am good at these sorts of events. Matron of Honor more times than I can count.

Yeah I am celebrating that we did not give up, or quit when it may have been easier.

We bought our house and lost a baby just a few months later.

There has been many more illnesses and things that have come up and along the way and we have made it through.

That is worth celebrating and the people in my life know all of this and love the idea of this celebration.

I have made it very clear this is a VOW RENEWAL and I think that is the only important point.

I am making a program because people are being asked to affirm their vow to continue to support us in our continued vow to each other and to our children.

I will also have readings from a few author's included in the program since we are not using a bible. We are not religous.

Since this is a tea the favors are homemade teabags and my own handblended teas that I am known for.

So, while I am not having a wedding. I am most certainly celebrating. And after the shows I have watched on television for birthdays and second marriages mine is very tame!

Hope that helps all of you and those who are belittling celebrating may not have been as lucky as we are. There just are not as many of us. I think it is time to break out and create wedding planners specifically for those who know what it takes to make a marriage work!

renewing vows!

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