Wedding Party Alternatives

Re: Wedding Party Alternatives

• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  Thanks for replying. Yes I've thought about their ages too, but in comparison to the rest of the bridal party, who are in their late 20s to mid 30s, they are the youngest. I would be fine with calling them bridesmaid and Groomsman however in my post I wrote that if they are technically in the wedding party it would cause a problem. So I was thinking of clever ways and suggestions where I can include them in the wedding but not as a bridesmaid or Groomsman.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013

  It doesn't matter what their age is relative to the other people in the wedding party.  At 18 you are considered an adult and being called "junior" is a major slap in the face.  Same goes with the 16 year old.  If someone tried to call me "junior" I would be pissed.
  
  If you do not want to include them in the wedding party would they be able to do a reading?  I am not familiar with the traditions of a Greek Orthodox wedding so this may not be something that is done.  If a reading is not an option then just simply invite them to the wedding.  Being invited as a guest is an honor as well.

  
  

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• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  That's so true. At 16, I'd probably feel the same! That's a good suggestion. I will ask the priest if that's a possability. If not, you actually made me think of another idea, maybe having them hold a candle each during the ceremony. More ideas are still welcomed!

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• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  Well we are getting married this year... June or July. Just no date yet I know, the short timing is crazy! Thanks for your input!

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_juniors-bmgm-alternatives?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0086650f-bd5b-4117-9021-cacbe3c325b4Post:b9c27590-52e3-449b-b996-3bffe3f9db2a">Re:Juniors BM/GM Alternatives</a>:
  [QUOTE]Well we are getting married this year... June or July. Just no date yet I know, the short timing is crazy! Thanks for your input!
  Posted by pparais33[/QUOTE]
  
  Even so, you shouldn't pick your wedding party until you have a set date.  You never know with people's schedules and what vacations they may already have planned/paid for.  So asking them without a date could end up with people maybe having to back out.

  
  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  January 2013

  Please don't make up jobs for them. That's just as insulting as being called 'junior.' Wedding party, reader, or guest are your options. I don't know the traditions of Greek Orthodox or Hindu weddings. IIRC, the former has sponsers but they're probably not qualified to do that. The Catholic Church has someone bring up the communion bread/wine ("gifts") but I don't know if you will have some equivalent position.

  

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• melb2013 member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  Bridesmaids and groomsmen are just fine- age doesn't matter as long as they aren't small children.

  
  

  Here's a question for you- are you expecting your WP to purchase two outfits for your two ceremonies?  Even if you are paying, they will probably have to have two outfits altered.  Couldn't you just have them wear one outfit for both ceremonies?  I've seen many Hindu ceremonies where one person is not Indian and the other is where the WP party does not wear Indian outfits- traditionally in a Hindu ceremony there is no WP, so there is no tradition regarding what they should wear.

  
  

  EDIT:

  Conversely, I've seen it wear they simply pick a color wave for their WP and people can chose if they want to wear a western style dress or a Indian style dress- but the same for both ceremonies.  I think that looks lovely.  I really wanted my FI's sister to wear an Indian dress to be in our WP, but she chose to wear a western style dress.

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• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  Thank u all so much for your ideas suggestions and opinions! As far as the wedding party dresses, I would have them purchase the traditional brides maid dresses but i would buy the Indian dresses for them. I don't want the wedding party to have added expenses and I feel that would be the only right thing to do. I actually suggested to my mother in law the western style wave idea but she is adament about the Indian sari outfits... and she has done a lot for me through all this chaos so I kinda just want to make her happy ... I don't mind anyway. Maybe ill run it by her again. I even suggested that during the Hindu ceremony the girls can wear the scarves over their western style dresses but she totally didn't like that idea and I didn't want to b disrespectful or anything so I dropped it.

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• melb2013 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_juniors-bmgm-alternatives?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0086650f-bd5b-4117-9021-cacbe3c325b4Post:96ccccc1-170a-4042-94a8-74808b1ba77a">Re:Wedding Party Alternatives</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thank u all so much for your ideas suggestions and opinions! As far as the wedding party dresses, I would have them purchase the traditional brides maid dresses but i would buy the Indian dresses for them. I don't want the wedding party to have added expenses and I feel that would be the only right thing to do. I actually suggested to my mother in law the western style wave idea but she is adament about the Indian sari outfits... and she has done a lot for me through all this chaos so I kinda just want to make her happy ... I don't mind anyway. Maybe ill run it by her again. I even suggested that during the Hindu ceremony the girls can wear the scarves over their western style dresses but she totally didn't like that idea and I didn't want to b disrespectful or anything so I dropped it.
  Posted by pparais33[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>My FI is Indian too, if you couldn't tell by my previous post.  I'm not sure why she would care what the WP is wearing- again, there aren't WPs in traditional Indian weddings.  That's a custom that has been adopted in Indian/American weddings.  WPs don't usually even stand next the bride and groom during the ceremony because the ceremony is so long.  The only thing they do is walk down the aisle.  Since you are probably doing that at the church, maybe you could even skip it all together for the Hindu ceremony.  Again, the WP and walking down the aisle thing isn't an Indian tradition anway.</div><div>
  </div><div>It's actually super hard to find Indian bridesmaid dresses- there aren't a lot of ways to get several of the exact same dress.  I was in FSIL's wedding and she had to have them custom made in India and they came made completely wrong.  It was a disaster.  FI's cousin just got married and she had to get the dresses dyed to the right color because she couldn't find any dresses in those colors that all matched.  Just some logistics to keep in mind for the future.  Either way, all WP members will still need to get two dresses fitted, which is a little annoying.</div><div>
  </div><div>We started out the planning process going along with everything our in laws wanted just to be respectful of their traditions and religion even though it's not what we wanted.  I completely regret that because it set a bad precidence for the rest of the planning.  My in laws are nuts, and yours probably aren't, but unless they are paying, don't let them push you into something under the pretense that it's "their religion and culture and you need to be respectful".</div>

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• libby2483 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_juniors-bmgm-alternatives?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0086650f-bd5b-4117-9021-cacbe3c325b4Post:5f443b05-cfa6-4478-9ef0-095f484d7e8d">Re: Wedding Party Alternatives</a>:
  [QUOTE]Wedding party, reader and guest are honors.  Anything else is a job. Sorry, but I don't think holding a candle is an honor.  Holding a candle while somebody got married wouldn't make me feel honored or special.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I would normally agree with this, but perhaps in the Greek Orthodox or Hindu culture, this is an important part of the ceremony, and is considered an honor, much like a reader is? I have no idea if this is the case, but it could be a possibility with the cultural difference.</div>

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• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013

  melb and libby ... I do like your idea of the mixed attire. Even if all the girls wear traditional dresses since they are not Indian and all the guys where the Indian suits since they are all Indian. That being said, I don't know if the Indian attire is accepted in the Greek church as things are very traditional and by the book. Ill have to ask my priest. If its not allowed I think it would only be fair to have both culture's attire be worn. We'll see. Ill talk it over with my fiance also. As far as the candles, I did mention it BC there is tradition in the ceremony where candles are held by a few people and you "walk around the table" three times which solidifies the marriage. Its usually the priest, his assistant, the sponsor, a young person, and a bridesmaid or Groomsman. I am still considering asking them to be a part of this portion. Although I do love the reading idea, but again, I don't know if this would be allowed on the Greek ceremony as it usually is not. Thanks again everyone, really appreciate you taking the time to respond. BTW melb, my mother in law is nuts too! But she's been there for me while my parents bailed, so I have love for have love for her BC of that. How did u manage to get ur inlaws to back off when it came to wedding plans?

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• melb2013 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_juniors-bmgm-alternatives?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0086650f-bd5b-4117-9021-cacbe3c325b4Post:cd05cc34-5ea2-4809-9df0-9e7cfec9da4e">Re:Wedding Party Alternatives</a>:
  [QUOTE]melb and libby ... I do like your idea of the mixed attire. Even if all the girls wear traditional dresses since they are not Indian and all the guys where the Indian suits since they are all Indian. That being said, I don't know if the Indian attire is accepted in the Greek church as things are very traditional and by the book. Ill have to ask my priest. If its not allowed I think it would only be fair to have both culture's attire be worn. We'll see. Ill talk it over with my fiance also. As far as the candles, I did mention it BC there is tradition in the ceremony where candles are held by a few people and you "walk around the table" three times which solidifies the marriage. Its usually the priest, his assistant, the sponsor, a young person, and a bridesmaid or Groomsman. I am still considering asking them to be a part of this portion. Although I do love the reading idea, but again, I don't know if this would be allowed on the Greek ceremony as it usually is not. Thanks again everyone, really appreciate you taking the time to respond. BTW melb, my mother in law is nuts too! But she's been there for me while my parents bailed, so I have love for have love for her BC of that. <strong>How did u manage to get ur inlaws to back off when it came to wedding plans?</strong>
  Posted by pparais33[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Things blew up in this huge argument and my FI went to his family and laid down the law.  He told them that if they couldn't learn to respect the decisions that he and I made as a couple that they couldn't be a part of our lives.  In regards to the wedding, they were so upset that we weren't doing everything that they wanted, that they wanted us to cancel the wedding or they wouldn't come.  We gave in to one last request with the caveat that they if they didn't back the heck off, they didn't have to come.  They've actually been quiet now for about 2 months regarding the wedding.  I hope it stays that way.  Put your foot down sooner rather than later- I wish we had.  We just kept giving in and giving in to every tantrum... it was exhausting. 
  
  </div>

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• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  Melb... well I'm happy that you were able to somewhat work out! I don't mind bending on some things but I still need it to be OUR wedding. Laurelrenee... that sounds like a cute idea, thanks for suggesting! I will definitely look at some pics when I go home but sounds nice. Retreadbride... I think I may have caused confusion with my post. Sorry about that! I don't have an issue with their age, it was my error calling them juniors. The problem is that since my family isn't being supportive, they will start a fight since these kids are my parents cousin's kids. Besides that, my fiance is giving in, not in a bad way, but he is, in a lot of Greek traditions, including being baptized, which is a huge deal! And so when I brought up to him putting my godbrother And godsister in the bridal party, he didn't have a problem with my godsister but he did say he wants to pick his own groomsmen, which are his brother and best buds. He said that he needs his groomsmen to be his. Honestly I was upset at first, but I know that wouldn't be fair of me either to hold it against him. Its not only my wedding afterall. So back to the problems... its the conflict with my family. But its also that my fiance wants only certain people to stand up beside him. So that's why I was thinking of alternatives. If they are not technically in the WP my family wont be able to give anyone grief and my guy will be happy. I know I should really just say screw everyone, and my family but its not so easy and I need our special day to really be drama free.

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• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  I actually never thought of that. I like it. I hope my godbrother wont mind. Then again, he may actually enjoy being surrounded by the girls. Thank you for the idea!!

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• sleepysmilelove member

  

  January 2013

  Thank you, I definitely will! And thanks again everyone for the ideas!

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