Hi! New here, usually on the DW board...

Re: Hi! New here, usually on the DW board...

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  Lisa50 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Welcome to the board and congratulations on your wedding!  FI and I wanted to marry in Aruba, but the date we chose wouldn't work there (courthouse closed on Sunday!). 
  
  I think (someone here on the board will correct me if I'm wrong) the etiquette on showers for a second wedding is to graciously accept if someone offers to host one for you.  I think it is wonderful that your FSILs want to welcome you to the family in this way -- girlie, fun -- it sounds nice.  BUT ... if you truly feel "funny" about it then I guess you turn down the offer. 
  
  My FI has three sisters (he's their only brother), one of whom has already let her misgivings about our marriage be known.  I tell ya, the thought of them wanting to host a shower would make me feel great!!
  
  About inviting folks to the DW ... Please don't invite more than you can afford to host at the gathering.  You never know who may come up with $$ for a Caribbean vacation.  Enjoy!

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  Sue-n-Kevin member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Welcome!
  
  I agree with what Lisa said. My future SIL offered, and I declined, not because it wouldn't be nice, but he's moving in with me after the wedding, and we have two of everything already! But if you truly need things, or "new" things (like towels, sheets, cookware, etc), then go for it.
  
  I also agree, I'd invite everyone, most won't come. But, don't invite more than you can afford to host with food, drinks, or whatever you are offering your DW guests.

  
  

  Congrats!

  Wedding Website and Bio

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  right1thistime member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I am confused.  If you are NOT having the wedding @ home because your budget doesn't allow it, but you want to invite everyone who would have been invited had it been held at home and then follow that with an open house gathering... how is this less expensive?  I am afraid that you are inviting people expecting them NOT to attend, which is not appropriate etiquette.  It looks gift grabby, for one thing.  As the others said, only invite as many people as you can afford to have say yes.
  
  Let them have the shower for you.  It is about gifts, yes, but it is also about welcoming you to their family of sisters.  ~Donna

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  NZbride2011

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Hi and welcome!!!!  I'm actually in the same situation as you.  This is my second wedding, and my FI's first.  He is actually from New Zealand, so we are having a DW in New Zealand in November.  When we decided on our guest list, we invited everyone that we wanted there (as if we were having it in the States). We just had to make sure that the venue could accommodate that number as well, and that we could afford everything (we are doing a wedding weekend of events).  So as long as you stay within your budget, you should be fine.  And just make sure you keep your "open house" on the smaller side when you get home.
  As for the shower, my friends have asked, and I said no.  I had a few of them the first time I was married, and it would mostly have the same people there.  I'm a totally foodie, so what we decided to do instead (bc I didn't want a bachelorette party either) was have dinner in a private room at a nice restuarant and gifts will only be "fun" things for the "honeymoon".  I love those things, and so do most of my friends, so everyone is excited and happy (my mom's a little nervous, but I told her she had to come).  It's just like a fun night out w/ the girls that isn't over the top.
  Good luck w/ all of your decisions.  All of the ladies here are great w/ questions.

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

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  MikesAngie member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Congratulations and welcome to the board!!
  
  Wow a DW sounds nice, romantic and warm!!  I agree with Lisa though only invite as many as you can afford to pay for, because you never know they may surprise you and come up with the money for the vacation.
  
  What I wouldn't give to have a "shower", luncheon or something girlie - but it's not likely to happen.  I think it is wonderful that your FSIL's want to welcome you into their family this way.  If it were me I would be yes!!  There aren't any rules that say an experienced bride cannot have a shower.
  
  HTH

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  handfast4me member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I was in the same boat with you, FI first, my second.  I really did not want to spend a fortune (literally) on a reception, and my DH (then fi) is so shy that he would have felt uncomfortable in front of a crowd of people watchin us exchange our very personal thoughts and feelings.  So, we got married, just the two of us, on a beach in Key West, FL--no horrific red tape to get married in a foreign country, etc. 
  
  Several of my girlfriends offered to throw me a shower.  I had everything I needed, but registered anyway (so that I didn't get things I didn't need or want, like a chili pepper lamp!) and talked my girlfriends into doing the shower a little differently:-)  As I'm sure you're aware, everyone who is invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding, too.  That's what made me feel most uncomfortable about a shower--I wasn't having guests at the wedding, so a shower didn't seem correct.  The women that wanted to participate were mostly women with whom I've had as business contact for the 20 years I've been in my industry.   
  
  When I talked it out with the two women who volunteered to do it for me, we decided that we would have an evening of just pizza, beer and icecream (who needs anything else?) and then they each shared with me what they wanted for me in this new phase of my life.  It was lovely, and a very special evening I will treasure always. 

  Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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