Just Engaged and Proposals

engagement/proposal family issues

um... hi. i just recently joined because i was looking for support and advice in regards to my planned big day. my boyfriend wants to marry me but he's currently unemployed and desperately looking for a job in order to get me a ring in order to propose properly. in a sense we're still in the process of proposal but in the Latino community, i'm technically engaged if we've been dating for over a year (i'll explain further). but herein lies the problem. i went to go pick up my cousin one day from a girls night out along with my older sister since she needed a ride home. when we were talking about my engagement and my cousin asked for the ring. i explain we're still in the proposal process due to his situation. my cousin got mad and ranted about how that's not an engagement at all. pretty much, the cousin in question went on a diatribe about how a ring is a true sign of love. that he should be getting me the most over-the-top ring out there that he can buy for me and how he should be showering me with that and going over the top to plan the wedding with me. another thing she pointed out was that as a lesbian, she's very jealous of what i have and the marriage rights i would have (although seeing as i am bisexual, i honestly don't see how she can be so offended i'm with a man when that is entirely my option). other people have asked about the ring because of my mum's motor mouth plus the gossip mill and at this rate i don't know what to do anymore. honestly, i don't need a Tiffany to know that he's serious about me. aside from a three month break-up, we've been dating since high school (about 2 years). i even talked with him about having an extended engagement in order to tell if we can function together for another year (and to save up a lot!). he agreed and again mentioned he'd propose properly when he's ready. we're both 20 years old. if he were to give me a simple ring with no stone, a bracelet or even a necklace, i'd be happy. here's my question: is a ring really that important in any engagement? Undecided

Re: engagement/proposal family issues

  • edited May 2011
    My mom's friend's husband proposed with no ring.  He bought her a band for the wedding and a ring for their anniversary a few years later.  Do what you can afford.  But you are still young and it seems like people are trying to rush you into marriage.  Don't get married or engaged for anyone else because its so easy to fall into the excitement of planning and the big white dress, just make sure you two are getting married for the right reasons and not because everyone else is pressuring you to...
  • The first time that my fiance proposed to me (he decided to 're ask' with a ring later) was without a ring. I had been going through a hard time health wise and he wanted me to know that he was there and would never leave my side, so it was a little spur of the moment but SO romantic! I don't regret at all that he didn't have a ring that day, and down the road when he did get me one I adore it... do what's right for you, not what's right for everyone else
  • thanks, ladies. he asked me one day when we were both alone one day at his place and we were talking about random things that concerned our relationship (our horrible breakup, our similar traits/tastes, and the odd way that we can both tell when something's up with one another). when we were discussing the bad times we had, he just grabbed my hand and poured his heart out to me. told me he loved me for being the way i am, wanted to be there for me as more than just my boyfriend/lover and that he was sure that we'd both be able to function together in the long haul. he even mentioned that what convinced him was the one day i took a nap at his place, we were both snoring in synch Embarassed. i'm going to do my best to tell the other people to butt out and let me plan my day my way ^__^
  • I don't think you need a ring at all. A ring is just an outward symbol to show people that you are, in fact, engaged. But what really matters is that you have the love and promise of love from one another. I told my fiancee when he asked my father's blessing to marry me that I didn't need/want a ring. One of my girlfriends, who is now a bridesmaid, told me I was the craziest person in the world, because a ring is a constant reminder that you are marrying the most wonderful man in the world. Point of the matter, rings are quite expensive. In my opinion the money spent on a ring was money that could have been spent on something else. It's all up to you whether or not you want a ring. If it's something you can afford and is something you want, then by all means, go for it! But don't do it because everybody else is telling you it's necessary, because it's really not. If you are getting engaged and going to marry the love of your life, then an expensive symbol shouldn't be necessary. All you should need is the love and promise of love from each other.
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  • When my FI proposed, he did not have a ring. When he proposed, he made a makeshift ring by tieing headphones around my ring finger lol. He did not have much money when we got engaged because he was a grad student at the time. Shortly after we got engaged, we went on a road trip to Omaha, and he bought me a pretty 5 dollar ring, and i was happy with that. But of course it brokeFrown So for awhile I just wore my great grandmothers engagement ring that got handed down to me. Then, he got me another beautiful ring from Target that was also pretty inexpensive, but I loved it. After a few months, some of the stones (fake diamonds lol) kept falling out of that ring, so just this past Christmas he got me a georgeous ring with a real diamond in it. I am not trying to sound like all I cared about was having a real diamond, I was perectly happy wearing all the other rings I told you about. Please do not think I am materialistic. The point I am trying to make is that we were engaged for a year before I got a "real" engagement ring, and it did not matter one but to me that I didnt have one. We were still just as engaged as any other couple and cntinuing on planning ur wedding.
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  • A ring is not required to be engaged. I flat out told my fiance before he proposed that if proposed with a the tab from a soda can I'd be happy. The ring is just details. He bought me a ring anyway, because he's like that, but it was unneccessary. It sounds like your BF wants to do thing in a traditional manner, as in wanting the ring to be properly engaged, which is sort of how my fiance did it. But totally unneccsary. And the more expensive the ring and the wedding means on thing: he happened to spend more money. It does not indicate that the relationship is going to be anymore special or better or even that it will last longer. He'll propose when it's time. 

    Is your cousin older than you? That might also be a consideration as sometimes that upsets people. She might just be frustrated that as a lesbian and marriage rights being unfortunately the way they are, she might never get the opportunity you have. Try to be supportive, but make sure she knows that you'll be happy with the ring no matter how big it is and that you'll get married when you're ready. GL.
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