I feel silly. Am I being silly?

AshnRobo · January 2011

So my boyfriend and I have pretty much decided that we are going to get engaged. We have picked a ring (thanks girls!) and set a budget for both of us to save for it. We have told our families that our intention is to get engaged and eventually married.

We have gone so far as to pick a date. Here is where I feel silly. I understand why he wants to pick a date and start planning. His mom lives in WA and is supporting his 2 older siblings and he has a brother that just turned 7. So obviously she needs notice to be financially capable to come. We are going to ask my step-uncle if he could spare any of his "friends and family" passes since he works for an airline, but it only covers 90% of the cost. We would offer to pay but can't afford all four of them.

I guess my question is: Is it okay to set a date for a wedding when you aren't even engaged?

coastiegrl25 · January 2011

If you are setting a date then you are pretty much engaged. Why wait on the engagement? You don't need the ring to be engaged..I would wait til you are engaged to make any plans. I mean why not pick out a later date after you get engaged? I don't get it?

calindi · January 2011

I think it's hard to set a date when you don't have a venue locked down - that's really what decides the date, because if you find a venue that you love in your budget that is only available the following weekend, you'd probably do that, right?

If you guys are really ready to start planning, then talk about pushing up the engagement. Once you're engaged, you can book a venue, and then you'll truly have a date set.

Good luck!

Hazel_B · January 2011

I don't think you need an exact date. You've already told them you are planning to get engaged. If people need to plan financially I think a time frame is fine, as in we are considering getting married in the spring or summer of 2012. Giving them a time frame will still give them the time they need and won't tie you down to any date for when you actually start planning.

PaigeMcC · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-silly-am-being-silly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f69d451e-2032-4ef9-b06a-c867afca1d50Post:71495051-dcde-420b-9342-89d91e99d655">Re: I feel silly. Am I being silly?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you need an exact date. You've already told them you are planning to get engaged. If people need to plan financially I think a time frame is fine, as in we are considering getting married in the spring or summer of 2012. Giving them a time frame will still give them the time they need and won't tie you down to any date for when you actually start planning.
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]
This

AshnRobo · January 2011

That's exactly why I feel silly.

A venue isn't an issue. Its going to be either at his Best Man's house or my Parent's house. The venue is pretty much available whenever we want.

Hazel_B · January 2011

There are other vendors to consider, your minister from when you were a kid, the photographer you really want, the caterer whose food you love, etc. etc,

Don't tie yourself into a date unless you have to and you don't right now.

AshnRobo · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-silly-am-being-silly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f69d451e-2032-4ef9-b06a-c867afca1d50Post:883cd120-43e7-4e9f-97bb-fe2f72b425b1">Re: I feel silly. Am I being silly?</a>:
[QUOTE] Don't tie yourself into a date unless you have to and you don't right now.
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's why I feel silly. I'm not trying to tie us to a date. I'm trying not to! Haha. I was just uncertain b/c of his mom and getting her here. I think giving a general time frame like spring/summer 2012 will be great. Plus, we can narrow it down due to school. So, I think I'm going to tell him I would be more comfortable with setting a time frame rather than setting a date. </div><div>
</div><div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-silly-am-being-silly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f69d451e-2032-4ef9-b06a-c867afca1d50Post:2fad9bbb-a90e-484b-8b08-1876b9565d49">Re: I feel silly. Am I being silly?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are setting a date then you are pretty much engaged. Why wait on the engagement? You don't need the ring to be engaged..I would wait til you are engaged to make any plans. I mean why not pick out a later date after you get engaged? I don't get it?
Posted by coastiegrl25[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>We don't want to say "we're engaged" just yet. We have both been engaged before so we feel its a bit of a delicate situation. Especially since both of out engagements ended so badly. :/

</div>

heyimbren · January 2011

If you aren't engaged, then don't pick a date until you are engaged. You can still let his mother know that an engagement will most likely be coming soon so she can know to start saving up money. But you don't need a definite date for that.

samantha1008 · January 2011

I so know what you mean. Me and my BF were talking about my dream place to get married. I told him most of the dates are gone, and he was like omg book it. Hello NO I am not doing that until there is a ring on this finger boy! lol IDK I just would feel kinda of weird.

misskrysbaby · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feel-silly-am-being-silly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f69d451e-2032-4ef9-b06a-c867afca1d50Post:9f7cad79-0dbc-4254-9856-0cb04a15053e">Re: I feel silly. Am I being silly?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you aren't engaged, then don't pick a date until you are engaged. You can still let his mother know that an engagement will most likely be coming soon so she can know to start saving up money. But you don't need a definite date for that.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

THIS. Whether you have a ring or not, if you two are engaged, you're engaged. If you're not, then you're not. Don't set any dates or timelines until you both decide that you are engaged.

I feel silly. Am I being silly?

Re: I feel silly. Am I being silly?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards