XP-My BM wants 2 have new boyfriend at head table? What to do?

transcriber87 · July 2012

My BM just started dating a guy and they were over at my house yesterday and she was asking my Mom if he could sit with us at the table during the reception. Well Mom explained to her that after the wedding, when we go in, get our food, those head tables set up is for us, the bridal party, to sit at to eat, the photographer and venue will be taking pictures of the bridal party. She said, well he won't know anyone there...so she said after we eat and the action starts, there is nothing wrong with going up there to sit, we've been at weddings before and saw it. The GM both have wives that will be sitting at a table, my Mom who is my MOH isn't dating right now so no worries about her BF. What do you ladies think? I hope I posted this on the right board LOL

clearheavens · July 2012

Tough situation. I had the EXACT same problem and I also posted on Etiquette on this same issue. You can't really win. Here are two sides:

If your friendship with your friend means everything, it may be worth it to let her have her bf up there. The downside is that her bf WILL distract her from her BM jobs or from socializing with the rest of the bridal party, since it seems like she and her bf are really close and are likely to mostly talk with each other the whole time.

On the other side, you have the right to tell her that you will have him sit with other people his age to meet other people. But you shouldn't be surprised if she's wearing a frown the whole time since she did bring it up to you but got rejected.

For us, our BM decided to "drop out" of the wedding (for unrelated reasons) so it wasn't an issue. But we ended up just having 4-5 pictures of the head table. After dinner, all the BMs and GMs walked around the room to mingle, so it didn't make that much of a difference who sat up there because no one paid attention.

Why don't you compromise and tell the bf to sit up there with the bridal party after dinner?

transcriber87 · July 2012

Clearheavens, that is exactly what my Mom told her, we would only be up there to eat and do toasts, probably 30 min. tops and then we are all leaving the table and mingling, dancing, cake cutting, tossing the garter and the bouquet, etc. Opinions are all over the place I have seen. I might just go with one head table for me, my husband by then, my Mom and my daughter, just us 4 and let the other 3 just sit at a sweetheart table. I don't want to hurt my BM's feelings at all...The GM wives have no problem with it, they have been to many weddings in our circle and my BM just started dating this guy and might have another in a few months..who knows? Im stressed enough about other things of course but I do want a head table...they decorate them so beautifully and have uplighting behind us so we do want a head table

LizzyRB · July 2012

We are doing a table for just FI and me that way everyone in our bridal party can sit with their husband/wife/bf/gf/date. I hate when FI and I get split up at weddings. ESPECIALLY if I don't know anyone there.

What about a "king table" where all members of the bridal party and their dates sit with you?

Berobinsm · July 2012

I completely agree with Lizzy

lindsaynewbride10 · July 2012

Head tables are for those in the wedding party. BM's boyfriend can suck it up for 30 minutes.

LizzyRB · July 2012

30 minutes for dinner... But don't forget they have already been split the entire day helping you and groom get ready, taking pictures, the ceremony, and so on.

I say put your friend's feeling ahead of how some pictures that you probably won't even care about (I didn't know people even took pics at the head table?).

Or do this "I might just go with one head table for me, my husband by then, my Mom and my daughter, just us 4" and seat each bridal party member with their partner. I think that's a great idea.

TogetherPerfect · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_xp-my-bm-wants-2-have-new-boyfriend-at-head-table-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:a4dd5dbd-852c-4a91-bf9c-25b77157de7fPost:8e0408ec-f878-4055-9df8-2b2bb85f4f08">Re: XP-My BM wants 2 have new boyfriend at head table? What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Head tables are for those in the wedding party. BM's boyfriend can suck it up for 30 minutes.
Posted by lindsaynewbride10[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. I don't want to sound rude, but it's not going to kill them to be apart while they eat dinner or do any other bridal party things that may include pics. Even if they have been apart all day, I think they'll survive. In my opinion, that's just a part of being in a wedding. I would say no to having him up there for dinner, but other than that, she can go be with him, mingle, etc!</div>

whatserendipity · July 2012

I love the idea of the smaller table with just the bride and groom, personally. From friends who've done it, they said that it was nice having a time just the two of them to catch up and see how the other was enjoying the day since they'd been so busy talking to everyone else or getting ready separately otherwise. Plus, added bonus of letting your bridal party sit with their dates!

Otherwise, I totally agree that he can suck it up for dinner and then can join her after!

emilou02 · July 2012

The head table is a place for you to be with your closest friends/honored guests. If the new bf is that uncomfortable making nice with people he doesn't know for a whole 30 minutes, maybe he should consider not coming to the wedding. Why would he want to be there in the first place if he doesn't know anyone AND isn't willing to expend any effort on pleasantries during what will be a very short dinner followed by hours of literally nothing but dancing/socializing? I understand where your friend is coming from, but he's a grown man (I hope) and can probably hold his own until she comes to his rescue after the toasts have been made. If not, perhaps she should rethink inviting him in the first place.

transcriber87 · July 2012

I thought that from the beginning...I have this thread posted on the E board and it seems like 75% of people think he should be up there with us...When we were at the venue Sat, the planner was asking about who and how many will be at the head tables...so we went ahead and said at the top tiered table, it will be me and my husband by then...The lower table will have my daughter, my Mom who is my MOH, and my BM, and the 2 guys in the BP...That is just how it will be and he can sit at the reserved table with the wives of the BP, I have like 5 people coming alone so I just made up my mind, he can sit with whoever for the short amount of time we will be up there..

Ashes_3 · August 2012

You should not break up a social unit. On a day that celebrates the union of two people, you decide to seperate others. There should be no sucking it up. They are a couple and should be able to sit together as well as the rest of you wedding party sitting with their spouses or significant others.

XP-My BM wants 2 have new boyfriend at head table? What to do?

Re: XP-My BM wants 2 have new boyfriend at head table? What to do?

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