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Rehearsal Dinner - FMIL problem

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
10 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
My FMIL is planning on hosting our rehearsal dinner. I personally dont think the rehearsal dinner is that big of a deal. My fiance and I are more low key people and just wanted to do a nice dinner at a restaurant. We talked to her and she is hiring a wedding planner to help her with the rehearsal dinner. I think that is crazy! She also wants to sent out invitations and give favors at the rehearsal dinner. I know some people do invitiations but i dont think thats necessary at all. I've never heard of anyone giving out favors at the rehearsal dinner. She also wants to have a cocktail hour. I almost feel like she is trying to have a wedding the night before the actual big day. I'm really aggrevated with the whole situation.  Any thoughts/opinions on this?
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner - FMIL problem

  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She's hosting, which means it's her party to plan as she sees fit.  Smile, nod, and thank her for being so generous.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well if its not what my fiance and I want then can we just tell her that we would rather host the rehearsal dinner?
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehearsal-dinner-fmil-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a2de18f7-0469-4fb9-9c09-ebd91d7bc8a9Post:3d3737d8-40c9-45bd-9f66-51d03810e3b6">Re: Rehearsal Dinner - FMIL problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well if its not what my fiance and I want then can we just tell her that we would rather host the rehearsal dinner?
    Posted by *MrsSmith*2011[/QUOTE]

    Sure, if that's what you want and you can host, politely decline...although if she's alreaady well into the planning, I think it will be hard to do so (or at least I would find it hard, personally). 

    I don't know if this is the case at all, but when I was reading your post, I was thinking that maybe your FMIL feels excluded from wedding planning, and that's why she wants to pick out favors and go over details with a wedding planner.  If that's the case, maybe you can try to keep her in the loop more (hey, FMIL, let me show you these ideas we had for favors/cocktail hour food/sig cocktail/etc.).  I think my FMIL is totally fine with being more on the sidelines, but it's nice to include people if it would be meaningful to them, even if they're not paying.  I don't mean letting her plan your wedding, I just mean sharing your excitement with her, if that makes sense.  That might ease some of the RD hype, if that's how she's feeling.
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  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehearsal-dinner-fmil-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a2de18f7-0469-4fb9-9c09-ebd91d7bc8a9Post:3d3737d8-40c9-45bd-9f66-51d03810e3b6">Re: Rehearsal Dinner - FMIL problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well if its not what my fiance and I want then can we just tell her that we would rather host the rehearsal dinner?
    Posted by *MrsSmith*2011[/QUOTE]


    Yup.  But I'd tread carefully.  You don't want to start things off on the wrong foot just over the feel of your RD.  Is she likely to get offended, and hold a grudge?  If so, you may want to let this one go.  It's really up to you.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI wants to do all of that on a limited budget at the super expensive restaurant he works at and made it fit the budget by not inviting everyone who's coming to the rehearsal.

    Can we switch problems?

    Cuz I think your FMIL sounds really excited and generous and like she's wanting to throw you guys an amazing party... and seriously, who really cares if it's like a mini-reception? You aren't out any money for it, she's happy, and you get two amazing nights to celebrate your wedding with the people in your life.  Are you afraid it's going to overshadow your own reception? Is that why you're annoyed/frustrated? cuz that's just petty.
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you want a different kind of RD then host it yourselves, but if she has already started to plan it and might take offense to you declining her RD then that is a different story... you don't want to start things off on the wrong foot with your FMIL.
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  • Jookie77Jookie77
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP, it sounds like your FMIL is just really excited and wants to make things special for you guys. She will be in your life as long as she is alive and you definitely need to pick your battles. This is not a bad one to have, and I'd let it go.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just relax and enjoy the party. 
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