Ex's family and new FI

Re: Ex's family and new FI

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  MikesAngie member

  

  October 2012

  the only reason to keep close ties to an ex's family is if you had children together or where friends with or bonded with that family prior to being married - or widowed.  

  
  

  I haven't kept ties with my ex's family; but there is that nasty bit about a No Contact Order that was issued because he was stalking/harassing me. 

  
  

  I think that the best way to perhaps decline attending ex-family dinners is to agree to meet with your Ex-MIL and talk with her over coffee about how you appreciate that she still considers you family, but that you aren't comfortable bringing your FI/DH over.  You can still have lunch or meet for coffee as good friends do, but the family dinners aren't so okay. 

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  Lisa50 member

  

  October 2012

  Yes, actually, I am on good terms with my former MIL (former FIL passed away a few years ago), a couple of exSILs and their families (exH has 8 sibs).  My son has close relationships with many of his cousins, so there is a good comfort level between them, their parents and me.  They were invited to our home for my son's HS graduation party, as was my ex.  H doesn't have an issue and socializes with them.
  
  If your relationships with your exILs grew over time, independent of the marriage, then I don't see why you wouldn't continue to have friendly relationships with them.  It's really up to your FI if he wants to socialize with them.  There is really no cookie cutter solution. 
  
  
  

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  right1thistime member

  

  October 2012

  One of the saddest parts of a divorce is the unnecessary severing of relationships that don't  need to be severed.  Parents welcome a child's spouse into a family with open arms, learn to love them, and when the couple splits, the child demands that the parent abandon the relationship.  It doesn't have to be like that.  Sometimes the parent recogizes that their child is the problem, or that neither part was the "bad guy"- the marriage just died.  I think its a sign of maturity when the divorced parties can recognize that their differences don't necessarily mean that their parents, siblings and especially their children have to split up as well.
  
  If you don't want any relationship with these people, continue to decline their invitations.  But if you are still fond of them, I encourage you to go.  Talk with your Fi, and bring him along if he's willing to go.  The fact that they are willing to invite him means they are willing to accept that you have moved on, and the probably want to meet him to see that you are going to be happy again.  Unless they are perverse, of course. 
  
  As to your Fi, it's important that he's ok with your past marriage.  You loved your xH, you married your xH, and had a relationship with his family.  It is part of who you are.  ~Donna

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  Mikesgal419

  

  November 2012

  I never realized this board exhisted. So, Hi.
  I am still very close to most of my ex in laws. They are even invited to and coming to the wedding. FI was a tad uncomfortable about this, but I went I told him that he has no problem going to their houses for dinner or going out with them and my kids, he agreed to invite them.
   
  However, it is something that you and your FI need to work out. It is a special thing that your ex's family still loves you and wants you to be close to them.
  

  

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