wedding party issue help!!

kdesorcy · February 2012

My family and my fiances family are all excited for the wedding and I have everything picked out and the bridal party all set...except his sister who is one of the bridesmaids does not want to be in the wedding, she doesn't want me to meet with her for lunch, and now she doesn't want her daughter being the flower girl...what do I do????

em01092 · February 2012

Yeah, what made her suddenly change her mind? Did something happen between you or her and your FI?

Anyway, your profile says your wedding is in May of 2013. That's over a year away. You really should have waited until this summer or fall to choose your WP, because now you are stuck with these people. SO many brides come here asking how to "unask" a BM because they asked too early and the friendship changed. You can't do this without ending the friendship. It's too late for you, but lurkers, please take note.

However, on the plus side of this, chances are whatever did or didn't happen will have passed long before your wedding and she may come around.

Maggie0829 · February 2012

Honestly, I would have your FI talk to her since it is his sister. She may be more willing to be open with him then you.

If after the conversation she still does not want to be in the wedding along with her daughter then you have to respect her decision.

I would, however, be more concerned about her all of a sudden wanting to drop out of the wedding. Something major might have happened that caused this and it may have nothing to do with you.

mbcdefg · February 2012

Well, you can't force her to be in it, so if she doesn't want to participate then you have to accept it and move on. Stay polite and kind, since she is a family member, and do not replace her or her daughter .

However, WTF happened? You and your fiance should gently ask her if everything is OK. Does she want to attend the wedding as a guest, or is she boycotting the wedding entirely? Are you on speaking terms with her?

Either something happened in her life, or you/FI did something to piss her off. Find out what it is and make apologies if need be. Maybe it's an issue with money.

sonya+adam · February 2012

Have your FI talk to her and figure out why it is that she all of a sudden doesn't want to be in your wedding anymore.

Did you talk to her beforehand, and actually ask her to be a BM, or did you just assume that she would be and told her that she was? Same question for her daughter being the FG. Did you ask her if it was okay that her daughter be in the wedding?

It could possibly be a financial thing, that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about, and maybe she doesn't want to meet with you one on one because she is too embarrassed. That's just my thought on it, though. It could also be something entirely different. As I said, have your FI talk to her, since it's his sister. GL.

TiffannieF · February 2012

Sounds like there is a back story here OP hasn't shared...

kdesorcy · February 2012

I know that she has a few health problems and I have only met her twice. I know that it is a little ways away and if you does not want to be in the wedding then thats fine. I had my fiance receive a text from her and I do not know what is going on..I wanted to just go out to lunch with her and her daughter( who I have met and play with her all the time and love!!!) and I am going to pay but I do not know...Its a year away but idk

elldee333 · February 2012

[QUOTE]Sounds like there is a back story here OP hasn't shared...
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

agreed.

TiffannieF · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-issue-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:72fe9cd2-eb3b-47b6-bcac-e7a2793126c8Post:b862bece-aa7e-437f-b39e-eeeca58144c3">Re: wedding party issue help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that she has a few health problems and I have only met her twice. I know that it is a little ways away and if you does not want to be in the wedding then thats fine. I had my fiance receive a text from her and I do not know what is going on..I wanted to just go out to lunch with her and her daughter( who I have met and play with her all the time and love!!!) and I am going to pay but I do not know...Its a year away but idk
Posted by kdesorcy[/QUOTE]

black bolded part: This could be the reason why she doesn't want to be in the wedding. She might not be feeling well or look the way she would want not to mention her finical situation.

red bolded part: If you met her twice why would she be your BM? I think this was probably your first mistake. I can understand if she was on your brother's side but putting somebody you do not know as a BM just opens a can of worms.

green bolded part: Yes, give it time (at least for the daughter). Try to build your relationship with her (with out bringing up anything wedding).

wedding party issue help!!

Re: wedding party issue help!!

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