Fiance doesn't like it!

SarahDanielle · July 2010

Hi there,
I am newly engaged and I have started looking around for dress online. Just browsing pictures on websites and I keep going towards ball gowns with tulle skirts. I've always wanted one like that, kind of coincidental as I have been a ballerina for most of my life. Well, my fiance asked me if I was going to buy a poufy dress, I told him not too poufy but I sent him a link of a dress I liked. He hated it. He said that tulle looks stupid and our wedding is not a dance recital. I just don't know what do since this is what I've always wanted and he thinks they look ugly.

Should I still go ahead and get a dress like that since it's not like he'll be wearing that dress? I mean, it's not his choice, but it still feels awkward!

MISSCOURTNEY20 · July 2010

JMO....

I would never send my FH a pic of my dress. He will see it when he sees me in it. We were watching Say Yes to the Dress and saw a dress similiar to mine. FH said it looked like a night gown, but I know when he sees me in it, he won't think that at all.

But, now that you have opened the door for his opinion and it is clear that how he feels about the dress bothers you, I think that you need to change it. You will be worrying about how he will feel about the dress until your wedding day, and maybe after, if you get it just because it is what you have always wanted.

Knittibell · July 2010

I am not generally a fan of two dresses, but in this case, it might be just the right thing. I had a tulle ballgown (I'm NOT a dancer), so I totally get your love for the style. What if you get the dress you love- and then he can even help you choose something sexier for the reception?

Also, what about a chiffon instead of tulle- I also love this look, so you might too-

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Ball-Gown-Featuring-3D-Floral-Details-CWG322_Bridal-Gowns-Features-Designer-Gowns-Oleg-Cassini

unplainjane · July 2010

have you tried on a poofy dress yet? you may not even like it on you. you could get something in between like a full a-line or something. keep it in mind when you go dress shopping but he just saw a picture when he sees you walking down the aisle he'll be looking at "you" in the dress not just the dress. so even if you did get something poofy i'm sure he'll think you're beautiful in it.

Sloane99 · July 2010

Agreed. FI will not being seeing my dress for exactly this reason. It's so hard for them to picture you as their future wife in that dress so I don't think anything FI could see would accurately show how I will look on the day of.

My FI also was not a big fan of veils, and so I wasn't going to do one, but when I had the dress and everything on I just felt like it was missing. I did end up getting a veil and was super nervous about it....then we were watching a show where a girl had a similar veil to mine and I said that I actually quite liked those, turns out so does he. He just isn't a fan of birdcage veils or ones that have blushers. Of course, being a guy he had no idea that "veil" encompasses a ton of different styles.

It's a little late for that though - maybe you should consider other dress types and try them on? If you've always worn something similar in your life as a dancer it makes sense that that's what you would gravitate to but I think a lot of brides that have pre-conceived notions change their minds once they actually start trying stuff on. I know I did.

mbcdefg · July 2010

Cart before the horse here, hon.

Try some dresses on first ... your dream gown might look bad on you, whereas you might look like a million bucks in something you'd passed over on the website/magazine.

YOU have to wear the dress, not him. So get something that YOU like. He will think you look great no matter what. Of course you can ask his opinion, but don't pass over a wonderful dress (that you've actually tried on and are sure that you love) just because he personally doesn't care for it. Dresses look a lot different on a real person than on a hanger or on a model.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Don't show him the dresses you are considering or the dress once you have it. Period. Problem solved.

Bottom line: you will look beautiful on your wedding day and your FI will think so as well.

SarahDanielle · July 2010

Just for info- I have not tried on any dresses, I just thought it was totally weird that he said that immediatly that he didn't like them! And the only thing he doesn't like is the tulle. I will keep all of these suggestions in mind when I finally do try on dresses, thank you!

Oh and Knittibell , that dress is actually one of my favorites on the David's Bridal website!

dizzinea · July 2010

I think that you should go and try on dresses, you may not even end up with the big poof, often we don't get what we thought we wanted in pictures

Knittibell · July 2010

Mine, too! My first wedding dress was a big tulle ballgown and I LOVED it

I keep looking at that DB dress, but it's just a little too similar, for my second wedding (I'm widowed). I hope you do get it- I can live vicariously!

I also like some of these, and they're less tulle like, but still have that feel I love-

This one, maybe sans bow-
http://www.priscillaofboston.com/dress_detail.jsp?gid=1&sfid=51262&f2=Ball%20Gown

This one, with something different for the belt
http://www.priscillaofboston.com/dress_detail.jsp?gid=1&sfid=50803&f2=Ball%20Gown

http://www.kleinfeldbridal.com/index.cfm?pid=52&item_id=12423&showpic=main&rowid=29&page=3

So maybe a silk organza which has the same look without the actual tulle will work? But I'd say to your fi that you've got a style you love, and he may not love it, but as long as he loves the woman wearing it, you're good!

Also, let him choose what HE wants to wear, ie: suit/tux and make him involved in the wedding colors, so he can choose the colors for tux/suit accents and BM dresses- and hey- maybe it won't be your first choice, but wedding decisions, like the rest of marraige, involves compromise. I'm sure you'll find the perfect dress no matter what!

HKD817 · July 2010

If you try on the dress and you know it is THE dress then do it. Things look so different when they are on, you may end up not liking it either. and I am sure once he sees you in it he will drool.

curleycha · July 2010

i showed FI dresses that I thought were pretty just to get an idea of what sorts of things he liked/didn't liked. He told me right away he didn't like the rouching which I happened to LOVE. So guess what? My dress is all rouched. It had 2 different kinds of rouching! I am 100% sure on the wedding day he will love it and not even know he told me he hated rouching hahaha. get what YOU want.

SarahDanielle · July 2010

Knittibell , we really do have a lot of the same tastes! I guess I will have to wait and see what I like when I try dresses on!

curleycha , I guess I'm not the only one who has gone through that!! So funny!

Thank you girls!!!

Knittibell · July 2010

You really do have to try some on. Looking at your photo, I think you'd rock the ballgown. When I wore mine I was tall and skinny. I'm still tall, not quite so skinny- but you are- and if you've got some height to match, then honestly you'll have the same problem I did when I first went shopping... they'll all look good.

If you're tall and thin it's almost a bit harder to find *THE* Dress because nothing is actually going to look BAD on you- it'll be a matter of taste. The tulle ballgown I ended up getting, when I put it on I got goosebumps (and this was after trying on about 200 dresses), and when I came out my friends/sister all started crying- I knew it was the one. You'll know, too. Once you find it, don't worry about what your FI will think- once he sees you, he'll love it.

Now I'm not so skinny, so it'll be more about finding the dress that flatters me more. I didn't understand this concept when my BM's kept telling me this the first time around, but now I totally get it!

Brian'sbbgirl · July 2010

The same thing happened to me before I got married! I showed my husband to be a picture of a range of dresses and I wanted his idea on what he likes. The one that I liked he said it looks poofy!!! So I went A line in the end. I loved my dress but it detered me from trying those dresses on.

YOU wouldn't believe, that last year we are considering renewing our vows and he came along with me to a few bridal stores and I tried a dress that was the supposed poofy dress and he said I looked STUNNING! I wanted to kill him then and asked him that when I showed him the various wedding dresses for when we got married he said that the dress looked poofy and that he didn't like tulle! He replied with, it looks poofy in the picture but on you it looks beautiful and it didn't at all look as poofy as it did in the picture. I think guys find it hard to imagine the bride in the dress when the picture is of someone else or in some cases just a picture of a dress alone. The tulle looks romantic in real life compared to a photo as well. My husband then requested that I get a dress with tulle! He loves it!

My advice to you. Go try that dress and if it makes you excited then get it!

SarahDanielle · July 2010

Thank you Knittibell and Brian'sbbgirl!!! I am so excited to try on dresses. If he doesn't like it then he will have to deal with it! lol

No, but in all seriousness, I am going to probably tey on a bajillion dresses in hopes of finding "the one"

Brian'sbbgirl · July 2010

No prob's! VERA WANG FALL 2010 dresses are beautiful. There is tulle everywhere!!!!!!!! I am in love with Eliza.

mysticl · July 2010

There was an episode of SYTTD where a bride had bought a gown and then showed her FI pics of several gowns, including that one to get his reaction and he had a very negative reaction to the one she had ordered. So she went back to the store with him to get a new one. The consultants put her in the one she had ordered first to get an idea of what she didn't like. Here's where it gets weird she had never tried on the dress, a friend had and she ordered it because it looked good on the friend. When she tried it on she didn't like it on her. Here's the good news for Sarah, when she went out to show her FI he said "Wow". He didn't like the pic of it on some model but loved it on her. Since she wasn't in love with the dress she ended up with a different one but just keep in mind that part about the FI saying "Wow".

And to get a little greeting cardish he loves you for you not the clothes you wear, right?

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