How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas

beret92 · March 2013

For my wedding I actually have two maids of honor (Fortunately, they love sharing the title and have been calling themselves the "partners of honor") and two bridesmaids. One maid of honor is my best friend who goes to college with me. The other MOH is my 17 year old sister who lives in the same hometown as one of my bridesmaids, my fiance's 16 year old sister. My other bridesmaid is someone I've been best friends with since elementary school. She, however, is moving across the country. With my wedding being over a year away we haven't started planning too much yet. I want to include my BM that's moving away in the wedding planning as much as I can (She wants to be involved), but I'm not sure how to do things with her so far away.

One thing I'm most concerned about is her getting the same dress. I'm not sure how to go about making sure she gets the same dress as the other bridesmaids without her actually being in the store with us. I also wanted my bridesmaids to have some say in the dresses they'll get, but if I go shopping with my other bridesmaids and we chose a dress style we like I'm afraid I'll just be telling my 4th bridesmaid which dress to get.

I'm also not sure what to do about the location of the bachelorette party. My MOH that goes to school with me already told me she would like to throw me a party, but we aren't sure if it should be in our college town or in my hometown. If it's in the college town none of my other bridesmaids will be there, but I have a lot of friends in the college town that wouldn't be able to go to a bachelorette party in my hometown either. (None of us are into drinkng so having the sister's with would be totally fine.)

Any advice on how to include bridesmaids from multiple areas is appreciated! Thanks!

Extra notes:
1) The wedding is in my hometown.

2) I'm not in any way planning my bachelorette party, my MOH simply wanted my advice on where it should be held because she can easily be in either town herself. I wasn't sure what to tell her because I also don't know what is best. Mostly, I just wanted to know if you think bridesmaids would feel left out if they can't attend.

Weezy56 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:d11267d7-b104-4a60-a2cf-4deea62ccd1f">How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]For my wedding I actually have two maids of honor (Fortunately, they love sharing the title and have been calling themselves the "partners of honor") and two bridesmaids. One maid of honor is my best friend who goes to college with me. The other MOH is my 17 year old sister who lives in the same hometown as one of my bridesmaids, my fiance's 16 year old sister. My other bridesmaid is someone I've been best friends with since elementary school. She, however, is moving across the country. With my wedding being over a year away we haven't started planning too much yet. I want to include my BM that's moving away in the wedding planning as much as I can (She wants to be involved), but I'm not sure how to do things with her so far away. One thing I'm most concerned about is her getting the same dress. I'm not sure how to go about making sure she gets the same dress as the other bridesmaids without her actually being in the store with us. I also wanted my bridesmaids to have some say in the dresses they'll get, but if I go shopping with my other bridesmaids and we chose a dress style we like I'm afraid I'll just be telling my 4th bridesmaid which dress to get. I'm also not sure what to do about the location of the bachelorette party. My MOH that goes to school with me already told me she would like to throw me a party, but we aren't sure if it should be in our college town or in my hometown. If it's in the college town none of my other bridesmaids will be there, but I have a lot of friends in the college town that wouldn't be able to go to a bachelorette party in my hometown either. (None of us are into drinkng so having the sister's with would be totally fine.) Any advice on how to include bridesmaids from multiple areas is appreciated! Thanks!
Posted by beret92[/QUOTE]

For the dresses, I would recommend giving the girls a color and fabric and letting them choose which dress they like.

As for the planning, you are over a year out and have plenty of time to think about dresses, party locations, etc. Anyone's living arrangements could change by the time your MOH starts planning the bachelorette party.

It was nice of your out of town bridesmaid to offer to help, but it's okay to say "thank you, but Fiance and I have it covered" if it's more of a hassle than a help.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

For the dresses, either pick a color and a length and let them choose, or, if you really want something more matching, pick out a bunch from a national chain (such as David's Bridal), have everyone try them on in their own time/convenience and then vote on what they want to wear.

For the parties, you really shouldn't be planning your own prewedding parties - they are a gift given to you and not even mandatory so don't worry about when/where/what. If one of your girls approaches you asking for dates that work or if a certain plan would work, you can certainly chime in, but it's not really up to you to plan it out and then tell them how it'll be. That given, it's really on your other BMs to include the long distance BM. Just give her info to your MOH (or MsOH) and vice versa and let them sort it out.

For planning the wedding, if she wants to be involved, it's easy to include people who are far away in decision making, even if they can't help with physical crafts. So, just shoot her a text with pictures if you're deciding between two favors saying "what do you think?" It'll include her but not put strain on either of you due to the distance. I've been doing little things like that with my sister/MOH the whole time. It's kept her involved which made us both happy but wasn't really any extra work/time/stress for either of us.

beret92 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:f24e3b46-10d1-478b-9927-855ddb59f3f7">Re: How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]For the dresses, either pick a color and a length and let them choose, or, if you really want something more matching, pick out a bunch from a national chain (such as David's Bridal), have everyone try them on in their own time/convenience and then vote on what they want to wear. For the parties, you really shouldn't be planning your own prewedding parties - they are a gift given to you and not even mandatory so don't worry about when/where/what. If one of your girls approaches you asking for dates that work or if a certain plan would work, you can certainly chime in, but it's not really up to you to plan it out and then tell them how it'll be. That given, it's really on your other BMs to include the long distance BM. Just give her info to your MOH (or MsOH) and vice versa and let them sort it out. For planning the wedding, if she wants to be involved, it's easy to include people who are far away in decision making, even if they can't help with physical crafts. So, just shoot her a text with pictures if you're deciding between two favors saying "what do you think?" It'll include her but not put strain on either of you due to the distance. I've been doing little things like that with my sister/MOH the whole time. It's kept her involved which made us both happy but wasn't really any extra work/time/stress for either of us.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for the advice. I was thinking about a wedding chain for matching dresses, but I haven't heard very good things about David's Bridal. I'm not ruling them out, but I'm looking for other chain options. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not planning my own party at all... my MOH just wanted to know where I would like to have it, because she's really into planning and is already looking into ideas. She didn't want to plan out this party in one location only to realize it would work better at the other.</div>

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Take it from someone who had bridesmaids scattered all over the country. Just tell them to order a dress in x length in x color from x designer. You will save yourself soooooo much headache and drama. Not only that, but your maids will think you are amazing.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Forgot to add that www.dessy.com has an awesome selection, and is available in almost every bridal shop that isn't David's.

beret92 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:b7f87655-4238-40d5-9ec3-cb2e5e05dd79">Re: How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas : For the dresses, I would recommend giving the girls a color and fabric and letting them choose which dress they like. As for the planning, you are over a year out and have plenty of time to think about dresses, party locations, etc. Anyone's living arrangements could change by the time your MOH starts planning the bachelorette party. It was nice of your out of town bridesmaid to offer to help, but it's okay to say "thank you, but Fiance and I have it covered" if it's more of a hassle than a help.
Posted by Weezy56[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for you advice! I really want them to have matching dresses, otherwise I'd go with your option, because I'm sure that would be easier. I know I have a lot of time to think about these things, and that's why I'm starting now. I think it will be a lot less stressful to think about things spread out over a longer time rather than waiting, especially since I don't live in the town where my wedding will be.</div>

beret92 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:13e01ed5-af05-4af2-85b9-9ab474e8782b">Re:How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]Take it from someone who had bridesmaids scattered all over the country. Just tell them to order a dress in x length in x color from x designer. You will save yourself soooooo much headache and drama. Not only that, but your maids will think you are amazing.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow awesome! Thanks! I will definitely check out that site!</div>

KJiras · March 2013

You didn't mention where you are getting married - is it your hometown, your college town or another location? In regards to the dresses I couldn't agree more with using something like Dessy to help you find a dress you like that they could then find/order at a bridal shop local to them (if you don't want to use Davids which is also very convenient - I've had to get three bridesmaid dresses myself from there and had no issues).

As others have mentioned, the party/MOH/whomever does the "planning" for any pre-wedding events they are willing to throw, and are a gift. But, if they are turning to you for help and you need some ideas consider where you are actually getting married.

At some point close to the wedding your out of town bridesmaids are going to be flying/driving in for the event. Is it possible to have a girls day/night in the week or days leading up to the wedding when they are in town? If so you could always let them know that would be Ok by you. Otherwise, those who can attend will be there, and those who can't won't - I was my friends MOH and two girls lived across the country and couldn't (understandably) attend the shower I hosted. Bride totally understood and no feelings were hurt.

beret92 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:d765dc3b-6b17-499e-bb02-4f6133c3062e">Re: How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]You didn't mention where you are getting married - is it your hometown, your college town or another location? In regards to the dresses I couldn't agree more with using something like Dessy to help you find a dress you like that they could then find/order at a bridal shop local to them (if you don't want to use Davids which is also very convenient - I've had to get three bridesmaid dresses myself from there and had no issues). As others have mentioned, the party/MOH/whomever does the "planning" for any pre-wedding events they are willing to throw, and are a gift. But, if they are turning to you for help and you need some ideas consider where you are actually getting married. At some point close to the wedding your out of town bridesmaids are going to be flying/driving in for the event. Is it possible to have a girls day/night in the week or days leading up to the wedding when they are in town? If so you could always let them know that would be Ok by you. Otherwise, those who can attend will be there, and those who can't won't - I was my friends MOH and two girls lived across the country and couldn't (understandably) attend the shower I hosted. Bride totally understood and no feelings were hurt.
Posted by KJiras[/QUOTE]

<div>Whoops, sorry, the wedding is in my hometown. I edited my original message to include that now. Dessey seems like a great idea, I hadn't heard of that site before so I am going to look into that.

That's actually a really good idea. Out of town people may be willing to come in for a day close to the wedding for some girl time. I think that would fix the issue of my two younger bridesmaids being left out and whatever friends my MOH is planning on could still be invited. I'll have to run that by her. :)</div>

elbow23 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:89854d46-2a5f-49e6-ab0e-45e49c333730">Re: How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]Try Alfred Angelo if there is one in everybody's area.
Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]

I second this. I also do not like David's Bridal, and my BMs are also spread out, so we went with Alfred Angelo for their matching dresses.

beret92 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:332b2dab-2c5d-4664-ab39-5fde6c52255c">Re: How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a good experience with David's Bridal. It depends on the store in your area, and the consultant you get. They're a chain, after all. Be aware that ANY salon works on commission, and their consultants have to meet a quota every month, or they will lose their job. They will pressure you to order RIGHT AWAY!!!! in order to get your sale in their hot little hands.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks! I know it definitely depends on the area, and we probably will look at Davids Bridal, so hopefully we're lucky and have a good experience :) But if not I just wanted back up ideas.</div>

beret92 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:69a08a11-2ad3-4682-9be9-82beb52232ac">Re: How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wanted to add that your bridesmaids don't necessarily need to be involved in helping you plan your wedding. Please don't assign them "duties" or expect them to be as excited as you are (I'm not saying you will). If the BM that is moving far away wants to be involved in the planning, that's awesome - just let her take the initiative and ask how she can help. Another idea for planning / brainstorming is to make a group Pinterest board. That way you and all your BMs can suggest ideas. Regarding dresses - I'm with Pele about Dessy. I had my BMs choose a cocktail / tea-length dark purple dress and they wore a light blue pashmina with it. They looked stunning.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>Gosh, I'm definitely not assigning duties. She did ask how she can help, I mentioned that in my original post. I was just wondering what other people did in these situations. I don't want her to feel left out and I have the time to include her since I'm just barely starting to plan.</div>

Haylie04 · March 2013

When I got married, one of my maids of honor and one of my bridesmaids lived in Kansas, while my other maid of honor and the rest of my bridesmaids lived in Michigan (I love that your Maids of Honor are calling themselves Partners of Honor... I called mine my CoMOHs

I went bridesmaid dress shopping with the girls in town, picked an Alfred Angelo dress, and the Kansas girls went to a store near them and ordered the same one.

Now my Kansas CoMOH is getting married and I'm one of her bridesmaids! I'm going bridesmaid dress shopping tomorrow to try on the couple she has it narrowed down to and I'll send her pictures. I love weddings and we've been skyping and texting about things like her dress, the venue, the photographer... I've felt really involved, even though we're hundreds of miles apart! It can be done, if your bridesmaid likes to be helpful and you want her input!

beret92 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-include-bridesmaids-from-different-areas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b15faeaf-766d-4cd0-81fb-c21e94df3711Post:97f5fcd1-31b8-4ba5-9968-9d9c37987fae">Re: How to Include Bridesmaids from Different Areas</a>:
[QUOTE]When I got married, one of my maids of honor and one of my bridesmaids lived in Kansas, while my other maid of honor and the rest of my bridesmaids lived in Michigan (I love that your Maids of Honor are calling themselves Partners of Honor... I called mine my CoMOHs :) I went bridesmaid dress shopping with the girls in town, picked an Alfred Angelo dress, and the Kansas girls went to a store near them and ordered the same one. Now my Kansas CoMOH is getting married and I'm one of her bridesmaids! I'm going bridesmaid dress shopping tomorrow to try on the couple she has it narrowed down to and I'll send her pictures. I love weddings and we've been skyping and texting about things like her dress, the venue, the photographer... I've felt really involved, even though we're hundreds of miles apart! It can be done, if your bridesmaid likes to be helpful and you want her input! :)
Posted by Haylie04[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thank you so much for the advice! Based on your answers on this board and my other board we seem to have similar ideas. :) I will definitely do some of those things to keep her included. CoMOHs is really cute too!

</div>

od307202 · April 2013

I have one bridesmaid close to home (OH), one in VA, and one in FL. In order to simplify things, I went to a few bridal stores and looked at dresses. I came up with a few designers that had dressed and colors I liked. Then, I went on their websites and looked for stores close to each bridesmaid. I sent them the store names along with the designer and color names and told them to go shopping. They took photos of their favorite dresses and noted the style #. We have an ongoing facebook conversation where we share the pics and list our favorites. After a few months, I think we've narrowed it down to one dress! So, each girl can simply purchase the dress from the store in her area and not have to worry about shipping anything across the country or travelling home just to try on dresses. Sine they're all from the same designer, matching colors isn't an issue. I hope this helps!

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