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Not really bridesmaids

i always knew that my sister would be my MOH and i didnt want anyone else standing up with me. however, i changed my mind and my brother will also be on my side.  My fiance has 5 friends that he has asked to be his GM. i dont care about the difference in numbers on each side, the real issue is this:  i have six very good friends that i want involved in the wedding, but i dont really want them as bridesmaids because i dont want 8 people standing up there and i refuse to choose amongst them.  I would like them to walk down the aisle with my fiance's GM and then be seated in the front.  does this sound ridiculous? it is an outside wedding and it will be pretty informal.  I want them to be there for me on this day and i want them to know that they mean a lot to me so that is why i was thinking about doing it this way.  advice please!!

Re: Not really bridesmaids

  • emilyinchileemilyinchile member
    5000 Comments
    edited August 2010
    In Response to Not really bridesmaids:
    [QUOTE]i always knew that my sister would be my MOH and i didnt want anyone else standing up with me. however, i changed my mind and my brother will also be on my side.  My fiance has 5 friends that he has asked to be his GM. i dont care about the difference in numbers on each side, the real issue is this:  i have six very good friends that i want involved in the wedding, but i dont really want them as bridesmaids because i dont want 8 people standing up there and i refuse to choose amongst them.  I would like them to walk down the aisle with my fiance's GM and then be seated in the front.  does this sound ridiculous? it is an outside wedding and it will be pretty informal.  I want them to be there for me on this day and i want them to know that they mean a lot to me so that is why i was thinking about doing it this way.  advice please!!
    Posted by LaurenVida[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, yes. If you had people being escorted in by GMs and then sitting in the front row, I'd assume they were BMs because that's what people sometimes do with the wedding party (especially in Catholic weddings, for example). Why not have your 6 friends as BMs and your sister and brother as your honor attendants? If your FI is having a best man, you could have the honor attendants standing up with your guys and everyone else seated, or you could just have everyone seated and the two of your standing up alone. Or don't ask them, that's fine too, but your idea is weird to me.
  • To answer your question:  does this sound ridiculous?  IMO, yes it does. 

    Someone is either in the WP and processes as a member of the WP, or they are guests and are seated as all the other guests are.

    I think you're on very safe and easy ground to say to your friends, my WP is only family, but I can't wait to rock it with you at the reception!  And then be sure to also have a photo of you and your friends taken.

    I think sometimes that brides (and grooms) get so caught up in trying to "include" everyone that they forget that being an invited guest IS being included.

    GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Sorry but yeah kinda ridiculous. It kinda sends the message that they aren't good enough to be bridesmaids. I know that isn't your intention but it is like you are ashamed of them and you have to hide them away on the front row. You can either invite them as guests (which is a honor in itself) or you can include them as bridesmaids and have all of the wedding party sit on the front row during the ceremony. The only people standing with you would be MOH and FI's Bestman.
    Anniversary
  • That's not much different than them being bridesmaids, then.

    I think your options are:

    (a) Include the 6 friends as bridesmaids, plus your brother and sister ... have everyone walk down the aisle and sit in the first row and only your Maid of Honor and Best Man will stand up during the ceremony with you guys.

    We did this at our wedding since we're Catholic ... we had four attendants total. The Best Man was up front with my husband and the priest. My brother/groomsman walked our mom down the aisle and sat in the first row on the groom's side, in front of the groom's dad. The bridesmaid walked down the aisle and sat in the first row on my side in front of my mother. The MOH walked down the aisle and sat on the altar next to my seat, then I came down the aisle with my dad and I went up onto the altar and sat next to MOH. After the vows, the Best Man and I switched seats so I was sitting next to MH.

    (b) Just have your siblings as your attendants. Your friends will understand. I'd personally go with this option.
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  • Every single guest at the wedding will see women being escorted down the aisle and presume that they're the bridesmaids, and just sitting instead of standing for the ceremony.  So either just make them bridesmaids, or don't have them escorted.  Your plan just sounds overly complicated.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I agree with all PPs.  At our Catholic ceremony the only people that stood at the altar with us were MOH and the BM.  The rest of the WP sat in the front pew of the coordinating sides.  There is no difference in what you would be asking these girls to do than if you asked them to be BMs, so just ask them.  You can make it very easy on yourself and say just pick any black dress or whatever color your wedding is, and then you don't have to worry about dresses or anything. 

    EIther that, or just forget the idea altogether.  I'd be pretty put off by a bride who said to me I'm not having any BMs other than my bro and sis because I can't decide who I want and I don't want 6 people, but will you walk down the aisle with GM so people think you are a BM? 

    If they walk with a GM people will think they are BMs, so I say just make them one, or forget the idea.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm going to echo PPs.  Why not make the siblings the honor attendants and ask your friends to be BMs?
  • Ditto the PPs, either have them as BMs or don't. But don't give them a special processional when they aren't in your WP. Because, pretty much all of your guests are going to see that and think "Oh, those girls must be bridesmaids".

    Lots of my friends have gotten married that didn't ask me to be BM. I've never been offended by not being included. I'm an adult capable of understanding not being asked. That being said, when I got married, I kept my BP strictly family (My BMs were my 2 sisters and DH's sister), and only one of my friends seemed to have an issue with being left out (And she's kind of "crazy", so I didn't read too much into it). Like Trix said, scrap the seating and just make sure you live it up at the reception with them. Being a guest is an honor in itself.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • I agree with PPs.

    If you want them involved in some way, could they do readings or some kind of music? At my cousin's wedding, they only had one attendant each, but they included others in readings and his sister sang while they were signing the marriage license.

  • Why not ask your Fiancé to have your brother as a GM and have your sister and friends be bridesmaids? That would make the sides almost even and it would be much less complicated and confusing. Make your sister your MOH and give her a different dress or bouquet if you want her to stand out.

    My best friend is getting married and her fiancé's sisters are bridesmaids and her brother is one of his groomsmen.
  • In Response to Re: Not really bridesmaids:
    [QUOTE]Why not ask your Fiancé to have your brother as a GM and have your sister and friends be bridesmaids? That would make the sides almost even and it would be much less complicated and confusing. Make your sister your MOH and give her a different dress or bouquet if you want her to stand out. My best friend is getting married and her fiancé's sisters are bridesmaids and her brother is one of his groomsmen.
    Posted by bpagevanderburg[/QUOTE]

    Reading comprehension fail.

    OP isn't worried about uneven sides, and she WANTS her brother on her side. The issue is the overall size of the WP if everyone stands up front with them.
  • In Response to Re: Not really bridesmaids:
    [QUOTE]To answer your question:  does this sound ridiculous?  IMO, yes it does.  Someone is either in the WP and processes as a member of the WP, or they are guests and are seated as all the other guests are. I think you're on very safe and easy ground to say to your friends, my WP is only family, but I can't wait to rock it with you at the reception!  And then be sure to also have a photo of you and your friends taken. I think sometimes that brides (and grooms) get so caught up in trying to "include" everyone that they forget that being an invited guest IS being included. GL
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Agreed, 100%.  I had a similar problem with one of my cousins.  She and I are very very close, but after two cancelled weddings she's gotten really sour on the subject (but she's very happy for me, she just doesn't want to get married ever and hasn't dated in years)  I didn't want to put her in a position where she really didn't want to be a bridesmaid but felt obligated to say yes.  She's doing a reading at the ceremony and has been very involved in DIY projects like making/putting together favors and that kind of stuff. 
    Maybe you could ask your friends to put together a sweet photo slideshow of you and your FI to be shown during your cocktail hour.  If they aren't family and aren't in the WP, I don't think it's appropriate to have them escorted down the aisle to seats in the front.
    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/2uetngj.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/9ve5at.jpg[/IMG]
  • You don't need to have them "honored" during your ceremony - it's about you both, not your friends.  But if you want to have them around you, may I recommend inviting them to join you before the ceremony for champagne and to help you get ready?

    When I get married, I don't want bridesmaids.  I never pictured myself with bridesmaids, my friends are mostly guys, and most of my friends would really rather not go through the hassle of being a bridesmaid/honor attendent.  I just... am seriously uninterested in having a bridal party.  My brother will be my "man of honor" and that's it.  But my friends will all be invited to get ready with me beforehand, have a glass of champagne and munch on some snacks, and take pictures.  Then they can just enjoy the event as guests. 

    To be honest, wouldn't most of us rather sit down through a wedding than walk down an aisle and stand on display?  I just fail to see the appeal of participating as a bridesmaid, beyond the honor of being invited to play such an important role for your friend.  You have to buy the dress, wear the dress, walk down the aisle, stand in front of everyone.  Why?  What's the purpose?  I just find it all silly.  If you don't want them to be bridesmaids, but want to include them, just ask them to help you get ready and invite them to take a special photo or two with you!
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  • Agree with PP exactly.  Have them get ready with you beforehand and take pictures. 
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