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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Big mistake with guest list. How can I fix this!?

So we never actually settled on a max. number of guests, but since my future hubby's family is from out of state, we figured not a lot of them would be coming so we'd have a small wedding; probably under 100. So to make the number a little bigger, I decided to invite a few of my co-workers. Well, ALL of my co-workers got really involved with helping me plan, and to be honest I do like them all, soI broke down and had an "open invite for all" and posted a "sign up sheet" at the office. I know this may be tacky, but I just didn't know how to get everyone's addresses since I knew a few of them wouldn't want to come and I didn't want people feeling left out. Now, as it turns out a lot more than I expected put their names on the list, plus a couple people that I never even hung out with before outside of work. And now to top it off, I got word that a lot of my future family are planning on coming for the wedding! So now our guest list is definitely over 100 which we were really trying to avoid. So is there a nice way to let some of my co-workers know I can't really have them all come? (mainly, just the ones I don't really like or hang out with). I feel so awful but this whole plan just kind of blew up in my face...

Re: Big mistake with guest list. How can I fix this!?

  • There is no nice way.  You invited them via a sign up sheet?
  • No, there's no nice way to take back an invitation, even if it wasn't a formal invitation. You'll have to find a venue that can accomodate all your guests.
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  • There is no nice way to uninvite someone. You'll need to find a venue that accommodate all your guests.


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  • Ouch.

    Yeah, no way out of this.  Start looking for a bigger venue, and ask everyone for their addresses.  It's all you really can do to save face.  Lesson learned.
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  • Yes, it is too late to take back the invitations now.  If I'm reading correctly, you said you were trying to avoid over 100 guest, but is that because your venue won't hold that many or because you just didn't want over 100? 

    If your venue won't hold everyone invited, you will need to find a bigger place.  If it is just because you don't want that many, you still need to invite them, but it will be less of a hassle because you won't have to shop around for a new venue.

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  • Nope, you screwed up big time and now you have to make it work. 



  • Sorry, but you're really stuck with the people you "invited." You'll need to find a venue that accommodates everyone and cut back elsewhere.
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  • You'll have to make it work by adjusting the seating and menu. Or the venue if necessary. You cannot univite people. 
  • Wow
    That's not good. 

  • Just an idea - is there a way to get the addresses of those who signed up, then send them a formal invitation, asking them to RSVP? Some may have signed up thinking yeah I'll go, but can just as easily think eh, maybe I don't really want to. Signing up is a lot less formal then sending back an RSVP, so maybe if you approach it that way, not all of them will RSVP? Just a thought :) 
  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I mean, this isn't the company picnic. It's your WEDDING! You don't have people sign up like they're bringing potato salad. You should have approached those coworkers you wanted to invite individually and asked them for their addresses. Your laziness in not doing that is what got you in to this situation. You have to invite them. Technically you already have. Find a new venue toots.
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  • What's the cap of your venue? 

    I'm assuming since you never "settled on a max number of guests", that your venue can accommodate much more than 100...right?
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  • carrieloomiscarrieloomis member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2012
    This is one of those "think before you act" situations... What was so hard about e-mailing/asking for addresses? 

    ETA: Also, why are you so worried about how "big" the numbers are? It's a wedding. Weddings aren't meant to be a popularity thing or a "how many people will come thing." It's about the people you care about and people that care about you being a witness to your marriage. Just some food for thought.
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  • I like the RSVP idea.
    Me personally, I just wouldn't send an invite to the people you don't know or don't like. More than likely those people only signed up because they saw a good time and maybe hoping for free alcohol. If they ask at all, say something like: you weren't expecting so many people to want to come.
    Maybe what you could do instead is just have a big office party for everyone if they truly wanted to celebrate with you. And just explain that your budget didn't allow you to invite everyone that wanted to celebrate with you, but you appreciate their support.
  • I wish I could answer this differently, tell you that it's OK, but I can't...  Like everyone has already told you, there is no way to fix this. You unfortunately have painted yourself into a ugly difficult corner that you can't get out of.  What you should have done was ask those you wanted to invite for their address.  Even those you thought might not come.  You will need their address for thank you notes anyway,  If they are important enough in your life for you to have extended an invitation then you should have had the guts to ask for their address.  This is where you find yourself now.  You now have to send them each an invitation with a response card. 

     **Ask each person who signed up for their address and take down the sign up sheet inviting all**
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  • Just how many people signed up? Never invite more than you are prepared to host. You will commit a bigger faux pas by uninviting them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-mistake-with-guest-list-how-can-i-fix-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6fb01d9-6ab2-4a0c-b55b-3142541c2ee4Post:bbd1a0e7-3a04-42fb-ab95-ca607d15fa2b">Re: Big mistake with guest list. How can I fix this!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just an idea - is there a way to get the addresses of those who signed up, then send them a formal invitation, asking them to RSVP? Some may have signed up thinking yeah I'll go, but can just as easily think eh, maybe I don't really want to. Signing up is a lot less formal then sending back an RSVP, so maybe if you approach it that way, not all of them will RSVP? Just a thought :) 
    Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is what I was going to post. Give them more hoops to jump through; you may have fewer people RSVP than signed up.</div>
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    What's done is done.  You extended the invitation and it has been accepted.  Plan to accomodate all who have accepted.  Enjoy!
  • I fail to see how you thought this was not going to blow up in your face?
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