Should I ask for a replacement?

mcshala · February 2010

For my wedding party I had originally planned on having 3 bridesmaids. 2 close friends and then my fiance's sister. Well, my fiance's sister is pregnant and decided that it would be best that she is not in the wedding. Now I'm trying to decide if I should ask another friend or just stick with the two I have and have the parties be uneven. I have a good friend in mind but I don't want it to seem like she is a "replacement." I feel like I would be asking her just because my fiane's sister couldn't be in it, which is partially true. (We were going to have 4 each, but on groomsman is going to be out of town so we changed it to 3 before asking anyone) Should I ask her or not? If so, how should I explain this?

stina93446 · February 2010

Don't replace her. Make her an honorary bm, by putting her name in the program. She's going to be there as a guest because you're marrying her brother. Have you thought about giving her a chair to sit in because she may get tired?

And yes, your friend will feel like second fiddle because she will know that she's the replacement. If you wanted her as a bm you should have asked her in the beginning. Uneven sides are perfectly fine and are very common now.

trix1223 · February 2010

WPs are not about symmetry or gender anymore, thank goodness. Don't ask someone to be a "replacement".

"Well, you weren't important enough to make the first cut, but now I need a dress filler, so will you do it?"

There's just no way that it comes across well.

banana468 · February 2010

Stina is right on.

You can still list the FSIL as an honorary BM - but please don't replace her.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Exactly what Stina said. If you really wanted this other girl, you would have asked her in the first place.

Don't make her feel like an understudy for your FSIL.

stina93446 · February 2010

I would like to add that I actually had a friend that I wanted as a bm, but I didn't. I felt bad, but then to include her in the end, I asked her to do a reading. So she was included in my wedding, just not as a bm.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

Don't replace her. It's okay if sides aren't even.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Symmetry is one of those things that seems like it matters now but during and after the wedding you won't care about it. If that's the only reason you'd ask this girl, and not because you really want her to be a BM, I'd pass on it.

mbcdefg · February 2010

I would not replace her.

UNLESS, you've grown closer to this girl since you first asked the other BMs. Like, if you would've gotten engaged 6 months later, you would've asked this other girl to be a BM without a doubt. In that case I think it's O.K., but only if you're asking her because you want her and not as a replacement.

If you were considering her from the beginning but decided not to in order to have just three girls, then let it be. Ask her to do a reading if you wish.

Should I ask for a replacement?

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