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Stacy775 · June 2012

. Had to delete the post, vented and now regret making a private issue public on the internet thanks to those that responded.

misssunshine17 · June 2012

All I want to say is that you would look like a total bridezilla if you ask her to 'step down' or whatever. If you find a friend to wear the dress, that is such a slap in the face to that friend. Like here, you weren't good enough the first time, but now I have this dress, so you might as well wear it. Basically, you're stuck.

redheadtmk · June 2012

She chose to take herself out of the wedding so you do not need to reimburse her for the dress. You also should not replace her. Having uneven sides is ok. Nobody wants to be a replacement bridesmaid. If they are not important enough to ask the first time around, then they should not be asked at all. Give it time to blow over if you want to save the friendship. Sometimes life long friendships end. People change as they grow up. Often people hang on to friendships out of familiarity rahter than being really good friends.

MairePoppy · June 2012

Your friend told you that your fi's comments hurt her feelings and you basically told her it's too bad for her. Even if she is being over sensitive, her feelings should have been taken into account. It seems like your friendship has run it's course, since none of you are willing to modify your behaviour.

If she quits your wedding party, don't replace her.

calliopeia2013 · June 2012

Ok, first of all, don't reimburse her, don't get a new BM, just have uneven sides.

That said, I've been almost exactly where your friend was (BM in a wedding where the groom regularly treated my FI like crap). I didn't drop out of the wedding, and frankly, I kind of wish I had, because it felt really dishonest to stand up for my friend when I hated the guy she was marying, and thought he was terrible for her and was alienating many of her old friends by acting like a jerk all the time.

While she was quite rude to drop out without saying anything to you, it's probably for the best that she seems to want to end the friendship. Sometimes personalities just clash, it sounds like she was really unhappy being around your FI, and since neither of you were willing to change (which is obviously your prerogative), she did what she had to do to take herself out of an unpleasant situation.

I have one more piece of advice, based on my own experience, which may or may not apply to your situation. Please try to be really honest with yourself about whether your friend was really the only person to be offended by your FI. My friend with the FI who was a jerk to people all the time was amazingly, willfully blind to the fact that my FI and I weren't the only people ending our friendship with them because of it- there were several other people who cut ties to them (with varying degrees of drama). There was a clear pattern of people getting fed up with the groom's jerkiness, and for some bizarre reason, my friend and her groom rationalized it as a bunch of separate, unrelated incidents instead of what it was. If this doesn't apply, then ignore it, but please at least take a moment to think about whether or not there's a pattern you've rationalized away.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-dramaneed-to-vent-somewhere-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bc31f4e6-fc90-4d43-9391-43b2b305b7f9Post:191dcc0f-db92-42d1-9052-02088dae0033">Not sure what to do about my MOH...need to vent somewhere, kind of long</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH and I have been friends since elementary school. I met my fiance through a guy I knew from highschool because they were roommates, about 6 months after I started dating my fiance she finally gave our highschool friend a chance, now that they are dating she does not like the way my fiance busts her fiance's balls, so to speak, and jumps down my fiance's throat about it while her fiance says nothing.

My fiance doesn't enjoying hanging out with them because he feels like he can't be himself without her getting upset about something he says. It would be one thing if he offended a number of our friends I might ask him to take it down a notch but everyone else loves him. Because of this we don't hang out with them much and since we have been engaged she is just going through the motions of the things I ask her to do with me but makes it clear she is unhappy and makes negative comments about the wedding ideas I come up with.

To make a very long story short she finally confronted me with why we don't hang out much and I finally confessed how I feel that she is not happy about my wedding and how my fiance doesn't feel like he can be himself around her. She got offended and said if she doesn't like the way he jokes and talk to her fiance that he should bite his tongue and that it is hard for her to see me enjoy all this wedding stuff when she is on bad terms with her parents and she is not planning a wedding because her and her fiance have decided to elope or do a private destination wedding.

I told her I understand she is upset she is not speaking to her parents and they are not involved in her engagement/wedding but she should still be happy for me, and I told he my fiance is not going to change for anyone, especially if she is the only one with the problem. Of course this was all by e-mail while we were at work, which doesn't help. After that she did not respond and about 30 minutes later I get a call from the bridal shop saying she called and asked for a refund.

Really? we have been friends that long and we have an argument over email and you call and try to get a refund on your dress without a call, text, or even an email saying you are dropping out of the wedding. I am in shock that I had to find out from the bridal shop, that was around 11:30am and I have not heard from her all day. Now I don't know whether to reimburse her and ask another friend to be one of my bridesmaids or to not reimburse her and just have one less bridesmaid than groomsman? Any advice?
Posted by Stacy775[/QUOTE]

I think your email conversation was the last straw for her. If she is this highly offended with your FI, I question if "everyone" else loves him or just a small group of friends. I have an obnoxious cousin who also likes to "bust people's balls." She is under the impression that everyone loves her personality but the truth is all of her friends are just as obnoxious as she is and her parents and extended family just bite their tongues.

At my wedding, she thought she was being "funny" when just as the ceremony ended she yelled "It's about time you married her you asshole!" The only thing that kept me from calling a cab and throwing her in it was the fact that my reaction is what everyone would have remembered. Since then, I refuse to speak to her and will not go anywhere with DH where I know she will be. Her treatment of the man I love was my final straw.

People are willing to put up with a lot of sh*t for the sake of someone they care for (ie your BFF tolerating your FI because she cared for you) but all of that flies out the window when that same someone they tolerated starts attacking someone they love. Your FI sounds like a bully because "busting peoples balls" is what adult bullies do.

CowgirlK39 · June 2012

I'm half and half on this one, simply because we do not know her side of the story. As PPs said, there is a good chance that she is not the only one who finds your FI annoying as all get-out. My FSIL is marrying a guy who has a very dry sense of humor, and because of that he has lost a number of jobs and is not very well liked by the family because you can't ever be sure if he's being a jerk or being funny. He has made rude comments about my FI before and I held myself back from going bananas on him, simply because I overheard it and so I acted like I didn't hear that correctly. Had it been said in front of me, you bet I would have told him to stuff it, and let FSIL know how I felt too.

On the other hand, there are girls out there who feel the need to mother and protect their man, and yeah, maybe there is some jealousy going on if she can't afford the type of wedding you are having. Regardless of which situ it is, she is out of the wedding and probably the friendship. You say she "should be happy" for you... sure, maybe a best friend "should" but if she is having problems in her life, and if she doesn't care for your FI, then she really has nothing to be happy for, KWIM?

...and don't replace her. That's just not a good idea.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

You have Stage - there are just so many you probably forgot this one. You even saw the "Gonna cut a b*tch" photo of me from the reception when she decided to yell something just as obnoxious during the cake cutting.

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