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The long walk....

mrsbiss2bemrsbiss2be
100 Comments
in Chit Chat
Ok peeps...I've got a question for anyone who can give me their opinion.

To make a long story short, I don't get along with my father. He's not a good person and he really showed it the day after I burried my mother over 2 years ago.

I made the decision (like some brides do) that I would walk myself down the ails.

My FI and I were talking about wedding related items yesterday and  he brought up how he understood why I wouldn't have my dad walk me down the ails.
He then explained that if I wanted, his father would be honoured to walk with me.
He didn't mention it to him or anything and said that I should just sit and think about it and decide from there. FI also said that his father considers me like one of his own.

It sounds wonderful, but I was just wondering what everyone thinks of this and if anyone has done this or have known someone who has walked down the ails with the father in law to be.
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Re: The long walk....

  • ElleB87ElleB87 member
    1000 Comments

    I think it's perfectly fine if you want to have him walk you down the aisle. It's up to you (and him obviously).

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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    If it were me, I would probably rather do it alone. I had my father walk me down, so maybe I don't know what I would do, but the symbolism is the 'giving away' and it seems kind of strange to me.
    But I would never judge someone who chose to do that, especially with losing your mom and not being close to your dad. Do whatever makes the two of you (well, three!) comfortable.
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  • courtski2004courtski2004 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I guess it would just depend on if you care if your father would be slighted by your FFIL walking you. For me, the only person other than my own father that I would have chosen to walk me down the aisle would have been my grandfather, but I know that everyone is different. Walking the aisle alone is also a great option.
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  • sechakechasechakecha member
    First Comment
    I think it's really up to you. Do you feel close enough to your FFIL to have him walk you down the aisle? Instead of him "giving you away," maybe in this case, it would be more of him "welcoming you to the family." I don't think it would be weird if you had him walk you down the aisle if you wanted support, someone to help you, someone to just make sure you're OK. And also, someone to make sure you don't trip.

    A friend of mine has a terrible relationship with her father, and she had invited him to her wedding, but he didn't show up (after saying he would.) So she had her brother walk her down the aisle. It really is up to the bride. :)
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  • mrsbiss2bemrsbiss2be
    100 Comments

    Thank-You ladies. You all gave some really good opinions and I appriciate it.

    @ courtski...I would soooo LOVE to have my grandfather give me away. I only wish. But he has passed away long ago and my grandmother many years before him. I was always
    much closer to my grandparents and they were basically better parents to my than my own. Unfortunately, I don't even know if my father will be present. I emailed him after not hearing back from him for a long time letting him know I was engaged and I haven't heard anything from him....and I sent the email shortly after being engaged in July.

    @ LingerLonger....And that is what I was thinking....it's the giving away part that keeps me debating it. You make a very valid point.

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  • lcattertonlcatterton member
    100 Comments
    My Mother had both her father and FFIL walk her down the aisle together. My father's parents immediately welcomed her to their family and always thought of her as a daughter. They paid for a majority of their wedding and she thought it would be the best way to honor him and thank him for helping so much. I was only like 18 months old, but I'd imagine that it was gorgeous! Yes, it is supposed to symbolize the passing along of the bride, however if your Dad never took very good care of you, he's not one to pass you along either. I think it would look gorgeous!!!

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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Have you ever thought of walking down the aisle with your FI? I saw that once and thought it was neat!
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  • zizibetzizibet member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    My father is deceased, but no way on earth would I have had him escort me down the aisle. That said, I do want to be escorted, and have chosen a close friend of ours to do it.Yes, the origin of the custom is in being given away like a piece of furniture, but I still find it lovely and meaningful. OP if you want to walk alone do, but if you would like to be escorted that's fine too. I think it's a lovely thing thing that FFIL offered.
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  • mrsbiss2bemrsbiss2be
    100 Comments

    @cwaggoner....I talked to FI briefly about him and I walking together, but he want's the element of surprise of me all dressed up walking up to him. lol. I figured at that point I better not suggest "the first look" pictures before the ceremony. haha.



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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_the-long-walk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:060edb72-9d3d-49aa-a7c2-9414734e9f42Post:eaa3950d-83ec-40e1-8f47-6617d245c146">Re:The long walk....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does your FFIL have a daughter or daughters of his own? I think their feelings about it should also be taken into consideration.
    Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

    Wow, that's a great point I hadn't thought of. I would have felt kind of weird if my dad gave away my SIL (who I absolutely adore).
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  • mrsbiss2bemrsbiss2be
    100 Comments
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_the-long-walk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:060edb72-9d3d-49aa-a7c2-9414734e9f42Post:8a364f32-44a6-46ca-909d-548b977345d7">Re:The long walk....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:The long walk.... : Wow, that's a great point I hadn't thought of. I would have felt kind of weird if my dad gave away my SIL (who I absolutely adore).
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    Actually that's a great question. To answer it, no...they do not have any daughters.
    They have my FI and their other son.

    I would probably have declined the suggestion from FI if they did have daughters.
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  • Winterstarlips25Winterstarlips25
    10 Comments
    My father and I don't have a relationship, and my step-dad's relationship isn't much better. My brother was too young (12) the first time I got married. This time he is 19, so it was a no-brainer! I respect my little brother and am proud of the obstacles he has had to overcome in the recent years. 

    IN my opinion, if you have a great relationship with your FFIL than I would do it. (Proudly) Don't feel obligated to do this though.
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  • mrsbiss2bemrsbiss2be
    100 Comments
    Thank's Ladies. I think FI and I will be inviting his parents over for supper on the 15th after a wedding show that my MOH, FMIL and I will be going to. I will take the time to think about it and decide by then. If I do decide it would be nice to ask formally in person.
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_the-long-walk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:060edb72-9d3d-49aa-a7c2-9414734e9f42Post:db11c2bf-a20a-499c-abec-737e6078b50c">Re: The long walk....</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you want to do it do it.  However it doesn't make much sense to me.  The purpose of your father walking you down the aisle is to give you away to the new man who will basically own you.  It doesn't make much sense for his dad who never had possession of you to be able to give you away to his own son.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    You are reading way too into it. Women are not a man's property and you will still always be your parents child. I do not look at it the fact of being escorted as being "given away". It's just a nice moment for the bride to share with someone who is important to her.
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