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BM help

RUSerious101RUSerious101
in Wedding Party

I have a BM dilemma. My FH has 2 sisters and I was planning on asking them both to be in the WP. Back-story: He is much closer with one sister over the other and doesn’t want me to ask his other sister at all. She has previously caused many problems when there don’t need to be and has caused some rifts in the family, especially during events and holidays.

I don’t want to cause problems before even coming into the family by not asking her; however, I don’t want her to cause any problems during the wedding, though it seems inevitable. She has recently been upsetting everyone, including my FMIL, and my FH is becoming more persistent in the fact that I don’t ask her. My mother thinks that regardless, it would be rude of me to not ask her, but I feel like I’m getting conflicting opinions all around. My MOH is on the fence about what I should do because she understands both sides. Should I talk to my FMIL about this? I really just need an outsider’s opinion. 

Please help :(

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Re: BM help

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    aprilmarie83aprilmarie83 member
    First Comment
    I would talk to your FMIL. I totally understand your position in not wanting to rock the boat by not inviting her but this is probably something you should talk to your FMIL about. For my two cents I would say you should only have people in your wedding party that you are your FH want standing up there. My FH and I picked people whom we thought knew us and supported us. 
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b3a36f54-873e-4660-8e7a-de21fa9603d1Post:e402b350-1c9c-4456-9b27-a8729d6b0664">BM help</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a BM dilemma. My FH has 2 sisters and I was planning on asking them both to be in the WP. Back-story: He is much closer with one sister over the other and doesn’t want me to ask his other sister at all. She has previously caused many problems when there don’t need to be and has caused some rifts in the family, especially during events and holidays. I don’t want to cause problems before even coming into the family by not asking her; however, I don’t want her to cause any problems during the wedding, though it seems inevitable. She has recently been upsetting everyone, including my FMIL, and my FH is becoming more persistent in the fact that I don’t ask her. My mother thinks that regardless, it would be rude of me to not ask her, but I feel like I’m getting conflicting opinions all around. My MOH is on the fence about what I should do because she understands both sides. Should I talk to my FMIL about this? I really just need an outsider’s opinion.  Please help :(
    Posted by RUSerious101[/QUOTE]

    He can ask whomever he wants -- both sisters, one sister, or neither sister -- to stand up on his side with him. This is his problem, not yours.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2011
    I think you should have who you want standing up with you, and he should have who he wants standing up with him.

    Meaning, my suggestion is he asks his sister(s) to stand up with him.  That way it truly is his decision to have standing at the front, and doesn't make it your call on which of his sisters to include/exclude.  I don't think it's fair to have you in the middle of his potential family drama.

    I'm not saying you do this as a cop-out, but since it's his relationship with his sisters, he should be dealing with it.  Are you close with either of his sisters?
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