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"You already had a big wedding"

Scarlet Starlet 31Scarlet Starlet 31 member
500 Comments
in Second Weddings
My FI and I really wanted to have a big traditional wedding with our whole families-aunts, uncles, cousins.
His first wedding was thrown together in haste and mine was practically entirely dictated by my ex-MIL so I didn't really get to do anything I wanted, so we were really looking for a chance to do things our way and have our families there to celebrate with us.  

A few months ago, we got some bad financial news and had to cut our budget in half, so we had to cut our guest list down to immediate family and close friends.
We're still feeling bummed about it because we really wanted our families there but financially we just can't do it, and whenever I mention it to someone, all I hear is "You already had the big wedding".

THE big wedding.
Not A big wedding.
THE.
I must have missed the memo that you only get to have your family come to one wedding in your lifetime...
I am so sick of people saying that to me!!!!!  

Just had to vent!
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Re: "You already had a big wedding"

  • PhoenixMamaPhoenixMama
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah it really is a dated line of thinking.  I totally agree with you that it sucks to hear it.  *hugs*
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  • iluvmy0341iluvmy0341
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Damn girl sorry to hear that :-(
    I don't get why some families/friends are like that. I've come to the point that when they want to make rude comments, that's the last time I'll talk to them unless they have something nice to say. I seriously have started blocking family on Facebook! I know that's horrible, because they say "family will always be there." Not true. I've had friends/neighbors be there for us in the past few months than any of our family has in the past several years.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    So correct them.  "No, I had A big wedding.  If it had been THE big wedding, THE groom would have been THE right one.  Now that THE groom IS the right one, we are having THE biggest wedding we can throw, so that everyone knows how happy we are."   STop, raise an eyebrow, watch them stutter, smirk, wipe the smirk off your face, and flounce off into the sunset.  Or something. 
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  • jn20frjn20fr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have heard some of those comments as well from my family and his since this is my second wedding. Myfiance (sp?) has not been married before and would like to celebrate with as many people as our budget will allow. Anytime I am asked about the budget, I change the subject. Its easier than dealing with why we spent what we did.

    Good luck!
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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_already-big-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:e8d1fa91-d1c4-43cb-9528-8544018e398fPost:ae7506f8-fb26-4632-a8e1-bc5d6faa6895">Re: "You already had a big wedding"</a>:
    [QUOTE]So correct them.  "No, I had A big wedding.  If it had been THE big wedding, THE groom would have been THE right one.  Now that THE groom IS the right one, we are having THE biggest wedding we can throw, so that everyone knows how happy we are."   STop, raise an eyebrow, watch them stutter, smirk, wipe the smirk off your face, and flounce off into the sunset.  Or something. 
    Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

    OP-I'm sorry you're having family issues about this.  But right1thistime has the perfect answer.  I freakin' love it!!  I'm fortunate on this front, if we were having a big wedding - no one in either family would side eye us at all for the very reasons right1 posted.
    Anniversary
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    ichelle!  Where have you been?

    OP - our wedding was much smaller than 1st weddings, but my mom was still a little nonplussed that we were having as big and as nice of a reception as we did.  She of course worried more about the financial angle of everything as mothers sometimes do.
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  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I understand where you are coming from.  Everytime my mother sees me, she jumps be about why we are spending "a down payment on a house!!!" on our wedding.  (Which I find funny considering our budget...maybe a down payment on a pop-up camper!)  It's seriously to the point where I'm not even sure I want her there! I can't mention anything wedding or even marriage related to her because she equates that to dollar signs. 

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  • Ollie08Ollie08 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    renjon are you sure we don't have the same mother?! This sounds like something she would say to me.

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  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The funny thing is, they paid for my first wedding and they HATED my ex husband.  Now I have a wonderful guy who they adore beyond, and when he asked my dad for permission to marry me, my parents both said it was about time because they just love him.  Now they don't want us to have a wedding and think we should just "spend the fifty bucks and go to the court house".  My mom doesn't even see why we spent money on a ring, that a simply gold band is all that is needed for second weddings!  Lord help me...
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  • ReidBreilingReidBreiling
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I can relate completely. I'm getting flamed left and right on FB for getting married again. So nice.
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  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Why can't people just be happy and share the day and joy with us?  OP, have your wonderful day, bask in the glow and happiness you and your FI share. 
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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_already-big-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:e8d1fa91-d1c4-43cb-9528-8544018e398fPost:8b50da58-5f6f-4318-a9f7-b9fd9bbdc6b3">Re: "You already had a big wedding"</a>:
    [QUOTE]ichelle!  Where have you been? OP - our wedding was much smaller than 1st weddings, but my mom was still a little nonplussed that we were having as big and as nice of a reception as we did.  She of course worried more about the financial angle of everything as mothers sometimes do.
    Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

    I got a new job in March and have been in training ever since.  The computers at the company are WAY monitored so I haven't been able to Knot nearly as much.  Kind of a bummer, but I'm making more money, which these days a big deal, right?  Hope all is well with you!
    Anniversary
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I love Retread's response.  You could also try "no, I had his mother's wedding."  What a bummer she did that to you.  Have the wedding you can afford and enjoy it.  My family did the same thing to me, but heck - my entire side of  the family think anything over going to the JOP is a waste.
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  • letyourselfgoletyourselfgo
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My answer to that is:

    "Hey, this is OUR wedding.....not yours. If you don't like it....just chill and let us do whatever we want." In relatively diplomatic terms, of course.

    This is FI's first marriage.....and he wants it to be a blowout celebration. The majority of my family wasn't even there when I married my Ex...only my Mom and one of my brothers. FI also has a HUGE family....and that plus my family and friends who had nothing to do with things the last time will probably result in very little sniping.....I hope.
    "Who died and made you Dagon?" - stackeye210 I'm supposed to be falling for myself...and not falling for just any guy out there in the world.....
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  • mgd1121mgd1121 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love the responses I'm reading here!!!  I've run into the same thing! And I HATE it.  My FI has never been married before but I was married once.  My mom blurted out "don't expect your family to buy you gifts again" when we mentioned we were going to register for gifts.  I just looked at her and said "I don't expect anything from anyone" with my eyebrow raised...this is not the first time she's said stuff like this.

    renjon -- the 'pop up camper' was priceless! I almost snarfed my coffee! hahaha

    As a 2nd time bride, I was totally cool with the JOP...but I am NOT gonna do that to my FI.  He has waited 30 years for me and we are planning to best wedding we can to celebrate finding each other! :)  But I too get tired of hearing how I 'had my big wedding'....I am getting good at glaring. ;)
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  • amy7177amy7177 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    im having similiar issues...the way i see this late in planning (mine is july 29th) ..only invite those who will be truly happy for you. It makes it less stressful and stop worrying about negative comments. Thats what I have to tell myself alot lately.
    Married on July 29, 2011
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