Unity Candle

crystal8503 · September 2011

I have a question about the unity candle because I haven't decided if we are going to do it or not.

So, background is that my parents are divorced and my mom and step-mother are terribly jealous of each other for different reasons. My FMIL is a great woman and when I was telling her we might not do it because it's generally the mother's that do it, she seemed a tad disappointed. I would never in my right mind pick my mother to have that honor but I also couldn't imagine insulting her my having my step-mother do it in front of her.

So, to get to my true question.......Can my father and his mother do the lighting of the unity candles? Would that look silly? Should we skip it? When would they do it since it's usually done as the mothers are being seated. Would my father and his mother do it after I am walked down the aisle with my father?

So confused.

catarntina · September 2011

I'd just skip it, since when it's done, it's the mother's who do it, and your father wouldn't have a chance if he was escorting you down the aisle.

It's not traditionally part of the Catholic ceremony (However, I did have one. I wanted DH's mom to have something to do since she is not Catholic...). So I think if you skip it, nobody would miss it from the ceremony and this way you can keep peace between your two mom's.

Meg1036 · September 2011

I would skip it. Its not a part of the mass, and I did not do it at my ceremony.

Parents have a lot of expectations about weddings, but some of them are misplaced. Perhaps your FMIL expected to light the unity candle, but you can include her in some other way (as a reader, perhaps?). Both H and I were escorted down the aisle by both of our parents (him immediately before me) - at first his parents were resistant to it, but they ended up really liking being included in the service that way. Don't worry too much about this; your FMIL will be ok.

Unity Candle

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