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Nevada-Las Vegas

Tradition - night before the wedding

Hi, all :)

Does anyone know why the bride and groom are supposed to be separate the night before the wedding?  I get that it's "tradition", makes things more exciting, it's bad luck otherwise, etc.  However, I'm wondering if there's any historical significance to it besides the fact that you're not "supposed" to consummate until after the ceremony. ;)

I've searched for information on this topic, but am coming up with nothing.  I admit our long engagement has afforded me enough time to research every. single. aspect. of wedding tradition, and it's become useful in deciding what's right for us.  For example, no garter toss, no veil, etc...

TIA :)

Re: Tradition - night before the wedding

  • direy25direy25 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Not a clue, and we didn't follow it.  It was actually that night that I gave him the B-pic album, which :::ahem:::: made for a great last night as FI's.  I really didn't want to spend the night before our wedding alone, and I wanted to wake up next to him on our wedding day.  But my guess is also that it's the whole "not supposed to consummate."  Does that mean our wedding is invalid? 
    Tongue out
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  • wallacjewallacje member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I've heard that before (not because it was a tradition though, someone mentioned it to me), but we didn't follow it (one, where was either one of us going to stay, an extra room would have made no sense at all).  We had our B-Parties the night before, plus like Direy said I wanted to wake up next to him on the wedding day. 

    Check this Wedding Etiquette Article: Link
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:37107510-019f-4d3e-8805-3989f32647cb">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not a clue, and we didn't follow it.  It was actually that night that I gave him the B-pic album, which :::ahem:::: made for a great last night as FI's.  I really didn't want to spend the night before our wedding alone, and I wanted to wake up next to him on our wedding day.  But my guess is also that it's the whole "not supposed to consummate."  Does that mean our wedding is invalid? 
    Posted by direy25[/QUOTE]

    OH!  I love that idea with the B-pic album.  I can't wait to get that done :)

    If there's a good reason to stay apart, then we will.  Otherwise, it's just so much more convenient to stay in the same room.

    As long as you didn't get married before the Vegas wedding, I think you're good. ;)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:45c3372d-11ca-452d-93f7-1e78f38e9502">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've heard that before (not because it was a tradition though, someone mentioned it to me), but we didn't follow it (one, where was either one of us going to stay, an extra room would have made no sense at all).  We had our B-Parties the night before, plus like Direy said I wanted to wake up next to him on the wedding day.  Check this Wedding Etiquette Article: Link
    Posted by wallacje[/QUOTE]

    Oh!  Thank you for the link!  That helps clarify the rationale behind it.
    <p> </p>"There is a tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other on their wedding day, but it stems from the ancient tradition of the bride not showing her face to the groom <em>at all</em> before the wedding"

    We are also having our b-party (together) the night before, so it might be nice to go back to the hotel, enjoy the soaking tub, and get a good night's sleep before the ceremony :)  And, frankly, having been in an LDR for 3 years, we'll still be excited to be in the same room at all.  Haha.
  • edited December 2011
    I think it's because of the consumation thing- brides and grooms would never have spent the night together before, so of course they wouldn't the night before the wedding.

    Waking up together the morning of the wedding sounds so sweet. For us, however, we are spending the night apart. The anticipation is going to be epic. I think it will calm my mind because if we were together we would be giggling and squealing til the wee hours of the morning. This way I can take my own time and mentally prepare myself for the big day. He will be crashing with some friends and my mom and little sister will be staying in my room with me.

    Kissing goodbye on Friday and then seeing each other for our first look all dolled up around 1pm on the day of the wedding just feels right for us.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:37107510-019f-4d3e-8805-3989f32647cb">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not a clue, and we didn't follow it.  It was actually that night that I gave him the B-pic album, which :::ahem:::: made for a great last night as FI's.  I really didn't want to spend the night before our wedding alone, and I wanted to wake up next to him on our wedding day.  But my guess is also that it's the whole "not supposed to consummate."  Does that mean our wedding is invalid? 
    Posted by direy25[/QUOTE]

    No, you just have to check that box on the license form that you were 'together' the night before and they put in an exception.

    Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011

    Getting married in Vegas? Start here! [click]

  • direy25direy25 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:4239369e-85f4-48dc-96fc-f0152756f4f8">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's because of the consumation thing- brides and grooms would never have spent the night together before, so of course they wouldn't the night before the wedding. Waking up together the morning of the wedding sounds so sweet. For us, however, we are spending the night apart. The anticipation is going to be epic. I think it will calm my mind because if we were together we would be giggling and squealing til the wee hours of the morning. This way I can take my own time and mentally prepare myself for the big day. He will be crashing with some friends and my mom and little sister will be staying in my room with me. Kissing goodbye on Friday and then seeing each other for our first look all dolled up around 1pm on the day of the wedding just feels right for us.
    Posted by Natrasha[/QUOTE]
    If we would have done the first look, maybe it would have made more sense to stay apart, but he didn't want to see me until I was walking down the aisle.  So for us there was still plenty of anticipation as he left when Francesca showed up at 9:30AM and the ceremony wasn't until 6.  :)
    Married 5.6.11

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  • direy25direy25 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:aec50744-33cb-431d-9162-df5749f14489">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tradition - night before the wedding : No, you just have to check that box on the license form that you were 'together' the night before and they put in an exception.
    Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]
    LOL
    Married 5.6.11

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:4239369e-85f4-48dc-96fc-f0152756f4f8">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE] I think it will calm my mind because if we were together we would be giggling and squealing til the wee hours of the morning.
    Posted by Natrasha[/QUOTE]


    LOL, this thought has crossed my mind!  (Especially since we'll be two sheets to the wind ;))
  • smokeybaileysmokeybailey member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You didn't see the groom before because he could decide he didn't want to marry you if you were ugly.  That's why there's a veil too.

    Supposedly, brides and grooms didn't consummate until the night of (and may not have even met at that point).


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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:c589795e-a427-43bd-b51b-380118d0b566">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]You didn't see the groom before because he could decide he didn't want to marry you if you were ugly.  That's why there's a veil too. Supposedly, brides and grooms didn't consummate until the night of (and may not have even met at that point).
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    Frick... I should start thinking about that veil again, JIC.
  • edited December 2011
    We were originally going to go our separate ways the night before the wedding and not see each other until our 4:30pm ceremony but we decided to spend the night together before the wedding and I'm glad we did. We snuggled until late in to the night, woke up together, kissed, and I said I'd see him when I was on my way down the aisle. I went for breakfast with my girls at 7:00am and he took off with the guys. When we got back to the suite to get ready, he was gone and so was his tux & shoes.

    I don't know the details on why they say not to spend the first night together, all I've heard is that it's bad luck. But meh. Luck shmuck!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:c589795e-a427-43bd-b51b-380118d0b566">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]You didn't see the groom before because he could decide he didn't want to marry you if you were ugly.  That's why there's a veil too. Supposedly, brides and grooms didn't consummate until the night of (and may not have even met at that point).
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    Smokey is right again- it goes back to the times when most marriages were arranged and the first time most grooms laid eyes on their wives were when the lifted the veil! That's when the parents could go too bad sucker because the vows were already done.
  • edited December 2011
    We stayed together. I  was not going to spend ANY more extra money at that point and time. Plus.....We already lived together so the gig was up. KWIM?
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  • edited December 2011
    Neither of us was NOT going to spend the night in the Vista suite. We spent too much money, and I would have been lonely there all by myself. We kissed goodbye in the morning and didn't see each other til our wedding at 7:30pm
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the previous post that back in the day, you didnt really spend the night if you werent married so that is probably where that came from. I dont plan on seeing FH till I walk down the isle. Im not doing a first look or spending the night with him. I want his first time seeing me to be when he sees myself and my dad walk in. Im not old fashion its just that due to location we dont spend the night together that often now so a night apart in vegas is no big deal. We have our whole life :-)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_tradition-night-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:c830b462-9cdd-4cb4-9041-ef8425ea6782Post:bb6ad8bf-bbdf-408b-aca0-f08ef464fdfb">Re: Tradition - night before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Plus.....We already lived together so the gig was up. KWIM?
    Posted by stinkerbell6879[/QUOTE]

    lol that made me think back to when I was not yet engaged.  We stayed in seperate rooms at my now-inlaws house.  Once we got engaged I got upgraded to same room privileges. :-)

    Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011

    Getting married in Vegas? Start here! [click]

  • empeguesempegues member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It would throw me off completely not to have FI in the same bed with me the night before.. It would make for some anticipation, but also anxiety too.. I just remember that scene from Sex & The City where Big calls Carrie the night before and it all goes downhill from there lol.
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  • wenawinterwenawinter member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We stayed together too. He wanted to have separate rooms, but I didn't. I would not have slept at all if we were separate. I loved waking up with him on our wedding day, it gave us some quiet time before the mayhem, lol.  We got up, and then split. I had breakfast with my ladies and he did with his groomsmen and didn't see eachother again till I came down the aisle.
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  • edited December 2011
    VG and smokey... You're comments sometimes bring me to hysterics. My husband and I have lived together for 13 yrs, I did not see the point in different rooms. I love waking up next to him :-)
  • edited December 2011
    I think everyone explained all the points to the tradition. 
    Personally I am going to stay with my BMs in they're room just the night before. It will just apm up the whole "feelings" Ceremony and unveiling of his Bride =)
    Just my 2cents!
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