Setting a Bar Limit Etiquette

btrflykate1230 · January 2010

Open bar is far too expensive for my fiance and I to afford so we decided we'd pay for drinks, on consumption, up to $XXXX amount of dollars.

If we happen to reach said amount, do we tell guests that they're on their own for drinks? Do we leave it a surprise? We want to provide people with alcohol, but we just can't afford to let the liquor flow all night.

Has anyone done this and how did it go?

Any other suggestions?

thesuninherhead · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_setting-bar-limit-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b7946484-d041-443c-9400-32f80d99e5ecPost:0d98929a-abb9-4312-b5b1-120384770c04">Setting a Bar Limit Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Open bar is far too expensive for my fiance and I to afford so we decided we'd pay for drinks, on consumption, up to $XXXX amount of dollars. If we happen to reach said amount, do we tell guests that they're on their own for drinks? Do we leave it a surprise? We want to provide people with alcohol, but we just can't afford to let the liquor flow all night. Has anyone done this and how did it go? Any other suggestions?
Posted by btrflykate1230[/QUOTE] I'm not sure that, 'surprise! you have to find your wallets now!' is the sort of surprise your guests will appreciate or anticipate. We had a $2000 bar tab, based on the venue's suggestion given the number of guests (in our case, 70). It worked out fine and covered the whole night. I would suggest asking the venue to give you a ballpark of how much they think will cover it. If you don't have funds to cover a completely open bar, a better idea is to do beer, wine and softdrinks for the whole evening, rather than completely open for a couple of hours and then SURPRISE! lack of beverages from there on out.

pooh8402 · January 2010

why not a limited bar? like beer and wine only, with maybe one signature cocktail.

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

My boss did this at our Christmas party and I thought it was really tacky. I would have rather she offered cheaper wines or something.
Like TheSun said, check with your venue to see how much they estimate to cover the night or just do a limited bar,

btrflykate1230 · January 2010

Open beer and wine is still pretty pricey per person. We've already cut our guest list as far as we can go (they have a 125 person minimum) and I do want to provide alcohol, but, just not the $3500 they're suggesting I pay.

eastunder1 · January 2010

I'm very torn on this issue.

On one hand, I think any sort of cash bar is the height of crass behavior. But on the other, if I've been drinking already, I think I would rather have the option to pay for the next drink (while totally judging your @ss) than to have the bar shut down completely. I just can't decide which one I think it worse.

I would use the many, many avalible drink calculators to figure out a realistic number of what you can expect your guests to drink thoughout the night and what it will cost. Than make it a priority to have that number be what you plan to pay for. Good hosts take care of their guests the whole night. Cut in other areas that don't effect your guests (centerpieces, decor). Pinch pennys in everyday life to save more for the wedding. Consider having only beer and wine. It CAN be done if you make the commitment to be a proper host and take care of your friends and family who came to celebrate wih you.

Kati0105 · January 2010

Not sure where you are getting married but $3500 actually sounds REALLY cheap for alcohol for 125 people.

mocha beans · January 2010

I don't like the idea of doing a partial open bar and suddenly springing a cash bar on your guests. I'd be annoyed to get up there, with an order for the table, and suddenly have to go back and find some $20's.

I would look further into the beer/wine option, or ask the venue what a general tab is and then go above that a bit. If you don't have many big drinkers you should be okay.

btrflykate1230 · January 2010

Okay, so if we did beer and wine only, how would we indicate that guests have to purchase their own liquor?

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

Well, you could either just do wine and beer with no option to purchase liquor or you could have a bar menu posted stating what you're offering.

MissIntentional · January 2010

we're thinking about doing a set amount of wine, beer and champagne bottles available to guests (purchased through our venue.) Anything else can be purchased at the bar. i'm still hoping we'll have enough money to do a full open bar.

squirrly · January 2010

Post a menu that says

Domestic Draft Beer
Sutter Home Wine
Sangria
Soda
Lemonade, Tea, and Water
available, compliments of the Bride and Groom

Or, whatever drinks you're offering.

CaptiolBride · January 2010

I agree a menu will be the best choice. Maybe have the MC do an announcement: "Hey Everybody.. Make your way over to the bar! Beer, Wine, and Pop are compliments of the Bride and Groooommmmmm!"

We are having a toast, beer, wine and 2 signature drinks. There will NOT be a full bar for 80 people on our bank account . whoops.

tenofcups4me · January 2010

I would just have a limited bar of beer and wine available and pay for that. I would not have other choices available that guests have to pay for.

banana468 · January 2010

Can you bring in your own booze?

FWIW, it's SUCH a pain as a guest to find out that WHAMO the bar is now cash.

JessAndTrav · January 2010

If you do the limited bar, post a menu as Squirrly mentioned. Something like:

----------

Please enjoy a few drinks on us!

Non-Alcoholic:
-Tea
-Soda
-Sparkling Water

Beers
-Bud Light,Miller, Michelob

Wines
-Yellow Tail Chardonnay, Sutter Home Merlot, Beringer White Zinfendel

Sparkling Wines, Champagne
-Martini & Rossi Asti Spumante
-Korbel Brut

Other drink options:

Well Liquor - $4.25/glass
Premium Liquor - $7.25/glass

----------

I am, of course, making those prices up as well as the options. I have no idea what it would actually be. I think it's okay to have other options if the guest is just dying for liquor. I know as a person that doesn't really do beer, I wouldn't mind paying for the liquor option if that's what I really wanted.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

Not ideal, but you can also close the bar during dinner (warn people in advance so they have a drink on hand) and an hour before the end of the reception if you're doing a consumption bar. Might save some money.

mandysmear · January 2010

I HATE when people close down the bar during dinner. It's so annoying and more rude than a cash bar in my opinion.

Pink7781 · January 2010

Consider this if you are going to make guests pay for drinks at any point during your reception. I generally don't bring more than a few dollars with me for tips when I'm attending a wedding. If you spring this on your guests, that all of a sudden they have to pay for their own drinks, they'll likely be annoyed because a good number probably will not have cash on them. I'd definitely try to go with beer and wine. Can you narrow it down to 2 different beers, a red wine and a white wine?

MeaghanandMichael · January 2010

Ok 3500 is NOT bad for alcohol for 125 guests. Stop being cheap and pay it. Skimp on something that doesn't require to have guests open their wallet at your wedding. How about your honeymoon or dress? (wild guess)...

Just offer beer, wine and maybe a sig cocktail if you are worried about money. This is perfectly acceptable, no one will ever have to open their wallet, and you don't look like an ungrateful hostess.

tlv204 · January 2010

Ditto on the sign/menu. The last wedding I went to had one of those, and while I would have preferred an open bar just because I like booze, it was much better to at least know what I would have to pay for and what would be free. I think it looked like this:

Bar Menu
Domestic Beers
                Hosted
White Zinfandel, Merlot, Chardonet,
                Hosted
Well Liquor
                $6.00

Or something like that, now I can't remember.

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

Ugh. We went to a wedding that did this recently. Cash bars are incredibly rude and just don't happen in my area, so I don't carry cash. I went to the bar and had a couple of glasses of wine earlier iin the evening. Then I went back for another later, and the guy was like $5. I was totally embarrassed because I didn't even have my purse with me, and the wine was already poured. I had to walk away, go find a friend, and ask to borrow $5 and go back.

Please don't do this.

If you offer beer/wine only on consumption, the bar tab would go further. But $3500 isn't that bad. Find a way to cover drinks the whole night or just go dry.

desireedp · January 2010

I think this really depends on the crowd that you're catering to. In my circle, a cash bar is the norm so that's what I'm doing. My guest list is currently at 100 people and $3500 is my whole budget for the wedding. That doesn't include the dress (dad paid) or the honeymoon (we're waiting a year to go on one). I think it's pretty

presumptuous to assume that $3500 is nothing when you don't know what her budget is.

polichik · January 2010

If you do have to close it down, I'd suggest that you make a sign or something. I went to a wedding where they did this, and it was incredibly awkward.

Can you negotiate with the venue to see if they'll do a per person, per hour cost? That way, you'll know exactly what the cost will be. Even if you can only provide 2 or 3 hours of open bar (or beer/wine bar), guests will be aware and stock up on drinks before you have to close the bar. It might be worth looking into. One of our friends could only afford an hour, so people just got a bunch of drinks during that hour and nursed them throughout the night. Not the classiest, but we had a good time.

btrflykate1230 · January 2010

They do have a pp cost, and it's $22.50 for the whole night.

At $3500, the bar tab will cost about 1/3 of what my food is (and yes, we're doing stationary and passed hors d'oeuvres, salad, dinner, and cake) which I think is a bit ridiculous. My biggest expense besides food is my dress which is a measly $700. We've cut back EVERYWHERE just to have that much alcohol.

Thanks for the suggestions on the sign! That's proably what we'll do!

pooh8402 · January 2010

I'd like to know where yall live that $3500 is not expensive for beer and wine for 125 folks. that would be HELLA EXPENSIVE for a full bar where I'm from. granted, I can bring in my own alcohol, but where I'm buying my drinks, I can pay only $700 for beer and wine for 100-125 folks. another $100 for the bartender.

dang.

shigaites · January 2010

I'm assuming the $3500 number must be for a full open bar.

Are open bars even still done at weddings? I can't remember the last time I went to a wedding with one. Just stick to beer, wine, and a signature cocktail. That seems to be the norm now anyway. Can you bring in your own alcohol? That will help with cost A LOT (unless they charge you a stupid corking fee).

For my wedding we're getting two kegs of beer and we're getting a frozen drinks machine to serve margaritas and daquiris. We're even skipping the wine to save costs and because we're having a casual affair anyway. Doing kegs and the machines is saving us a ton of money.

But please don't switch over to a cash bar. I know for one I never have cash on me and it would be quite annoying to walk up to the bar and then be told to find some money somewhere. It's much better to just have a limited alcohol menu (or no alcohol at all if it comes down to it).

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