this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Second Weddings
Second Weddings
New Discussion

Really ackward situation

renjon7798renjon7798 member
Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
in Second Weddings
My ex husband is getting married again in Aug and I think that's fine.  It will never last between them, but that's not my issue.  He wants our three children there for the wedding.  Problem, he lives in NC and I'm in Iowa and he wants me and my FI to drive them there. 

Beyond that, he sent us an ivitation to the wedding and wants us to be there, not so much as guests (which I would never do because we are NOT close) but to supervise our kids during the ceremony and reception. 

Opinions?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Really ackward situation

  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    How old are your kids?

    How long would he want them to stay? Are they honeymooning right afterward?

    What do your kids want to do?

    If I were you, and could afford to take the time off work, I'd ask your ex for gas and hotel money, take them, and have myself a great time during the wedding at a place FAR AWAY from the wedding. If he wants them there, he understands what it means to make sure they are taken care of. You are NOT paid babysitters with a wedding dinner as payment.

    Just my opinion.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Website and Bio Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The kids are 12, 9 and 7.  They don't even want to go, as they aren't huge fans of his GF.  (Their opinion, not mine.  I actully kind of like her...maybe that's why I don't see the relationship lasting!)

    He won't pay for gas, as he doesn't have the money, and yes, he wants me to be there for the wedding so he doesn't have to "deal with" the kids on his big day.
    Report Reply
  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I would tell him that the kids can make it, but sadly you have other plans that weekend.  If he wants to, he can fly them out at his own expense and keep them entertained for the weekend.   He is their DAD, and she is going to be their STEPMOM, sheesh. 

    Also, if this is outside of your normal custody arrangements, it might be helpful to talk to your lawyer about how to re-shuffle the custody schedule to accomodate this (not sure if a lawyer is required, but I'm not an expert on this, so I don't want to give you bad advice).
    DSC_9275
    Report Reply
  • lindaloulubbocklindaloulubbock
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    "I would tell him that the kids can make it, but sadly you have other plans that weekend.  If he wants to, he can fly them out at his own expense and keep them entertained for the weekend."

    Exactly.  Unless your kids really want to be there, that would be my stance.
    Report Reply
  • mightyoakesmightyoakes member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Diddo. This is his issue, not yours.
    Report Reply
  • shytownkellyshytownkelly
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh my.

    Sometimes people just don't think much do they?  I would NEVER ask my ex to bring the kids and supervise them at my wedding to someone new.  Weird that it even seemed ok to him to ask/request...

    Anyway - I'm with others - "happy to drive the kids to the airport to put them on the plane" 

    side note - have they flown before?  have they flown solo before?  Just in case he takes you up on the offer!

    Sounds like he wants "props" for his wedding. 

    good luck though!
    Report Reply
  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How did his arrangements with the kids become your cross to bear.  Let him know that you cannot make it for the wedding, but he could fly the kids out there to join him.  Make sure you are well aware of who will be in charge of them, before, during and after the wedding, and if he's traveling out right afterwards for the honeymoon, who will ensure the kids get back to the airport.

    That just sounds like a big burden to put on your kids, sending them somewhere they don't want to go, without the security of you there, with so many unknowns.

    Maybe he can take some time before or after the wedding to spend some time with the kids.  I wouldn't want them to fly out there, and he become resentful of the cost or responsibility or of watching them.
    Presentation is everything!! Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    This sounds like something my xH would do, and when I refused, he would say, "I invited you kids, but your mother wouldn't cooperate."  If you have concerns along those lines, sit the kids down (they are old enough to understand) and explain to them exactly what parameters you offerd, what you are obligated to do, and that you don't feel it's appropriate to do any more. 
    Report Reply
  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If he wants HIS children to attend HIS wedding then it is HIS problem, and he needs to foot the bill.  Period.  End of story.

    It is not your problem to deal with. 

    He sent you an invite, but does not want you at the wedding?  That is royal BS to me. 

    Reminds me of my exH.  He drug out the divorce proceedings, fought for joint custody, then never saw the children.  We lived 20 minutes apart after we separated and divorced, and in the 2 years after, he saw them twice.  Once we met for lunch (I paid for it) and once for a weekend.  On the weekend visit, I had to drive them out there and pick them up, and take food for them because he was crying he did not have any food in the house. 
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Abbey - were we married to the same man?
    Report Reply
  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Abbey - were we married to the same man?

    OMG.........I just LMAO.........out loud!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Website and Bio Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Ramiau3Ramiau3 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My ex and I are good friends.  I am even closer to his fiancee.  I am inviting him and her to my wedding, but that is who we are.  With that said.  I would NEVER ask him to babysit the kids or even be in charge of the kids travel arrangements for MY wedding.  My invitation to him and his fiancee is to be OUR GUEST.  Not be my servant.  That is beyond rude.  And if my ex were ever to ask me to do all that for his wedding, well than he must be high or something.  My response is not one that is fit to be posted.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • zeke17uszeke17us
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the PP that said this should be his issue not yours! By no means should you have to drive them! he should either be picking them up or pay to fly them out!... and maybe explain to your children how it is important it is to their father to have his children there... and simply tell the ex you cant make it!!

    Good luck :)
    Photobucket
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Follow Me on Pinterest
    Report Reply
  • jess0906jess0906 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My ex wanted me to do the same thing...drive our daughter up to Richmond from Atlanta (she was 3 at the time and couldn't fly alone) cart her around town to be at wedding stuff (I wasn't invited) and drive her home.  I basically said I'll do it if you pay gas and lodging for me up front.  We bickered about it but in the end he just stopped asking me about it.

    I'd say if he wants them there, he can make arrangements to get them there that doesn't include you driving them.

    Good luck.
    Report Reply
  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Update...I refused to drive my three children the 18 hours to his wedding and to sit thru the service.  Just like all of you suggested, I told him that per our divorce decree, it is up to him to pick the children up from my home (their home) in Iowa and drive them back to my home (their home) when the visit is over.  If he can't, that is on him and he only has himself to blame. 

    I also had him explain to the children why they couldn't be there for his wedding.  Their response?  "Oh, ok.  No big deal dad!"
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards