Future MIL...

Re: Future MIL...

• caseyhaynes429

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  OMG that is terrible! I dont have any advice, just sympathy for you. I think it was definitely good that you told her it wasnt you're style nicely. Maybe this will break her cycle of buying you two things you dont need/want. She is definitely being a dramaqueen about the whole thing. Your FI is probably right in that it will just blow over. It was totally uncalled for for her to say she doesn't want to be a part of your wedding, she was probably just offended that you dont like her style and went on attack-mode. Hopefully she'll get over it sooner than later! GL!

  

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• DrPB2b13 member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  While I agree that she's being overly drama-filled (marriage is about compromise?  Really? Thanks for the newsflash, but it's not supposed to be about compromise with HER...) I think you could have handled this better. 
  
  Yes the plates may have been hideous, yes you may not really have the room to store the boxes at the moment, but gift giving is about the gesture, not the gift itself.  I realize you tried to explain things gently and kindly, but the correct thing to do is to accept them graciously and deal with it later.  And if you REALLY couldn't take them, you should have just explained you didn't have the room for them.

  Mrs. Abbe Peanut Butter || Planning Bio
  
  

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• caseyhaynes429

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with DrPB that you should always accept gifts graciously. It's just a sticky situation I guess because it would have just delayed her blowing up on you when you actually did register for new place settings...then all this drama may have happened around the time of your bridal shower which may be worse. The more I think about it, you probably should have just accepted them anyway and still registered. But now that you havent I guess the best thing to do would maybe try to reconcile and have her be a part of the bridal shower planning? Or even come with you guys when you register so she can see what you like and let her pick a couple small things? I dont know...I would definitely try and resolve this before any wedding events start happening.

  

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• Spree0629

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't think there was any good way to handle this situation.  Had you taken them, later it would have come out one way or another that you aren't using them and want something else.  It may be time however to just accept her taste and you and your fi taste aren't the same.  She is probably never going to stop giving these kinds of gifts (sounds like there is a history of them).  Accepting them may just be easier.  Wedding planning makes family relationships either that much stronger or that much harder (my mother and i are currently not speaking, but there is a long history of problems there). 
  
  All of this being said, there is no excuse for a temper tantrum.  She probably will not apologize, but you should take the high road.  If you do nothing it probably will blow over.  She will probably need a little time.  You don't need her gifts.  Her little boy is growing up and there is another woman in his life.  She lost her control.  Hopefully she realizes that this will not help anything and that it is just a set of dishes.
  
  Hope this helps.  Sorry it ended up being really long.  Reminds me of dealing with my mother haha

  ~~Sabrina~~

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• scrpio421

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  I feel like if it were towels, sheets or even a picture frame, I would have graciously accepted it even if I hated it. But when I go and register for plates she would have thrown a fit and would have been so hurt I didn't tell her upfront. I guess I was trying to do the preemptive nice thing, because it would have been much worse later on. Not to mention she would have probably continued with this lighthouse theme for the rest of the kitchen items because there was a whole other side to the set. I know how controlling and pushy she can be, it would never have stopped at the plates, evident by his old bachelor pad.
  I do feel pretty bad that she's upset though.

  
  

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• DrPB2b13 member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  Ultimately, obviously, you know your FMIL better than any of us.  I do think it's wise to pick your battles, and if this was going to be the least of those to come, you certainly made a wise choice!

  Mrs. Abbe Peanut Butter || Planning Bio
  
  

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