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Wedding Etiquette Forum
ginadog
member
XP: Go ahead and plan, or wait longer?
Yes, I know not technically etiquette.
I was the bride that cancelled her July Jackson Hole wedding this month due to my father's shortened time on earth. The events were possibly going to overlap which would just be too hard. There is much relief all around.
We learned recently that the town doctor is who gave dad the time frame back in January, while his actual oncologist said that doctor should NEVER have given him a time frame to begin with. The oncologist was furious and thought the town doctor should be fired. (I know my dad and he probably badgered the poor town doctor til he coughed up some number.) The town doctor has not been an active part of my dad's cancer treatment, only the oncologist. Who knows if the oncologist thinks the same thing, but just doesn't say it out loud. We don't know. But this is new news to FI and I.
My mom also said (according to my dad) that dad wanted more chemo and surgeries but the doctors told him no, when in fact the oncologist insisted they do more chemo (they still insist) and my dad actually decided no more treatment, his body is done (my mom actually went to this doctor appointment last week so I know this part was true). Maybe he didn't want us to get on him about refusing treatment so he made up the first story? I don't know, but I respect his choice. I kind of felt like we cancelled the wedding with misinformation - although it's probably for the best anyway. I haven't talked my dad about any of this. He's the one that said don't rearrange anything on account of him. We did because we felt based on the info it was for the best.
In reality, the town doctor is probably not that far off. I do think my dad will pass this year. He thinks so too. He has been battling the cancer a long time and now with no more time buying tools....
So things are even more uncertain now. Such is life.
I have been researching our NEW (and 3rd) location lately for an ELOPEMENT. The goal is to make it a 2 week weddingmoon - get married where we are honeymooning - Canadian Rockies. There was no honeymoon planned previously, it all went to the wedding event. I don't think we have the luxury of planning this last minute based on my research. The summers are short and the place is popular. I worry that waiting too long will make this idea fall through.
April - I have a thesis to finish, cannot elope then
May- Canada is still under snow, cannot elope then
June - could be chilly, but doesn't overlap with chalet dates
July - going to Jackson Hole anyway since already bought some cabins for the cancelled wedding, might as well use them!
August - seems the best month weather wise and we'll be doing some camping on this weddingmoon, overlaps with chalet dates
Would you just go ahead and plan for August? The only vendors really are the marriage commissioner and the photographer. Drive up from Utah, get married, get photos, go to dinner, get a fancy hotel - then resume our 2 week road trip.
Seems like we can cancel this one easily should the sad events go down the week of our wedding.
We don't plan to tell anyone of this new August plan until it gets closer. It's sad to share plans, plans fall through, then I have to go tell everyone, so probably best to wait on this one. No one is invited, maybe FI's parents, but they are retired and can go last minute if they want.
We kind of wanted 2012 if you're wondering why not wait another year. Yes, the original wedding was for July, and this one we're looking at August. I know - not much difference.
I was the bride that cancelled her July Jackson Hole wedding this month due to my father's shortened time on earth. The events were possibly going to overlap which would just be too hard. There is much relief all around.
We learned recently that the town doctor is who gave dad the time frame back in January, while his actual oncologist said that doctor should NEVER have given him a time frame to begin with. The oncologist was furious and thought the town doctor should be fired. (I know my dad and he probably badgered the poor town doctor til he coughed up some number.) The town doctor has not been an active part of my dad's cancer treatment, only the oncologist. Who knows if the oncologist thinks the same thing, but just doesn't say it out loud. We don't know. But this is new news to FI and I.
My mom also said (according to my dad) that dad wanted more chemo and surgeries but the doctors told him no, when in fact the oncologist insisted they do more chemo (they still insist) and my dad actually decided no more treatment, his body is done (my mom actually went to this doctor appointment last week so I know this part was true). Maybe he didn't want us to get on him about refusing treatment so he made up the first story? I don't know, but I respect his choice. I kind of felt like we cancelled the wedding with misinformation - although it's probably for the best anyway. I haven't talked my dad about any of this. He's the one that said don't rearrange anything on account of him. We did because we felt based on the info it was for the best.
In reality, the town doctor is probably not that far off. I do think my dad will pass this year. He thinks so too. He has been battling the cancer a long time and now with no more time buying tools....
So things are even more uncertain now. Such is life.
I have been researching our NEW (and 3rd) location lately for an ELOPEMENT. The goal is to make it a 2 week weddingmoon - get married where we are honeymooning - Canadian Rockies. There was no honeymoon planned previously, it all went to the wedding event. I don't think we have the luxury of planning this last minute based on my research. The summers are short and the place is popular. I worry that waiting too long will make this idea fall through.
April - I have a thesis to finish, cannot elope then
May- Canada is still under snow, cannot elope then
June - could be chilly, but doesn't overlap with chalet dates
July - going to Jackson Hole anyway since already bought some cabins for the cancelled wedding, might as well use them!
August - seems the best month weather wise and we'll be doing some camping on this weddingmoon, overlaps with chalet dates
Would you just go ahead and plan for August? The only vendors really are the marriage commissioner and the photographer. Drive up from Utah, get married, get photos, go to dinner, get a fancy hotel - then resume our 2 week road trip.
Seems like we can cancel this one easily should the sad events go down the week of our wedding.
We don't plan to tell anyone of this new August plan until it gets closer. It's sad to share plans, plans fall through, then I have to go tell everyone, so probably best to wait on this one. No one is invited, maybe FI's parents, but they are retired and can go last minute if they want.
We kind of wanted 2012 if you're wondering why not wait another year. Yes, the original wedding was for July, and this one we're looking at August. I know - not much difference.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: XP: Go ahead and plan, or wait longer?
I also think August is a good plan, as well!
However, a two week trip to the Canadian Rockies for a honeymoon that we didn't have with the original plan, that's something we cannot do any old weekend. Plus I've always wanted to visit there and this seems like the perfect reason. We want to go to Reudi Beglinger's glacier chalet near Revelstoke as well.
I guess that is the difference - one has a more awesome trip afterwards, but yes I thought of JH weekend. Two sets of friends said they'd still fly out to use the cabins with us.
[QUOTE]I guess because we can go to Jackson any old weekend, it's just 4 hours away. However, a two week trip in Canada - a honeymoon that we didn't have with the original plan, that's something we cannot do any old weekend. Plus I've always wanted to visit there. We want to go to Reudi Beglinger's glacier chalet near Revelstoke. I guess that is the difference, but yes I thought of the JH. Two sets of friends said they'd still fly out to use the cabins with us.
Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]
Aha - that makes sense.
I've always wanted to go out there - Wyoming is far from Philly :-)
ETA: I did vote for August with staying flexible. The idea of this being THE trip sounds amazing, and it sounds like it's something you definately deserve.
We picked Tetons for our guests since it would be a trip of a lifetime for them (all coming from the Midwest, etc), but we go often. I'm not ruling it out however!
Thank you for the confirmation, it helps so much. I need it. I can be flexible again if the situation warrants.
[QUOTE]Where is your dad located? Could you possibly elope sooner rather than later (so he can be there) and then still do the big Canadian Rockies trip in August?
Posted by myname1234[/QUOTE]
Ever since I was a child, my dad (and mom) has engrained it into me and my sisters that eloping is best if you have to get married (they aren't even keen on marriage), weddings are a PITA, no one wants to spend money on you, etc. So I take this to heart. I don't want to do a wedidng for him when it's not important. FI's parents are more excited. My family is in IN, his parents are in OR. I'd feel more sad leaving out his parents than my parents honestly. It's been clear even before any of this that a wedding is just not a priority for my side.
Everyone has said what you've suggested - and I understand the sentiment behind it - but it makes me want to cry because it only highlights how odd my parents are from all of yours.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: Go ahead and plan, or wait longer? : Ever since I was a child, my dad (and mom) has engrained it into me and my sisters that eloping is best if you have to get married (they aren't even keen on marriage), weddings are a PITA, no one wants to spend money on you, etc. So I take this to heart. I don't want to do a wedidng for him when it's not important. FI's parents are more excited. My family is in IN, his parents are in OR. I'd feel more sad leaving out his parents than my parents honestly. It's been clear even before any of this that a wedding is just not a priority for my side. Everyone has said what you've suggested - and I understand the sentiment behind it - but it makes me want to cry because it only highlights how odd my parents are from all of yours.
Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry for making you cry :(
Absolutely hands down without a doubt go for the August elopement. The weddingmoon sounds like a dream come true and it would be fantastic!
I think going somewhere you've always wanted to sounds like a great idea! Since you'll be having a photographer, get yourself a nice dress (not necessicarly a wedding dress if you don't want, but something you love) and you'll have some awesome pictures to share with everyone, including your dad. Good luck! ^_^
Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend. - Andrew Futral
I may mail it back to Utah after the ceremony since driving around with it in the back of the Subuaru might not be a good idea.
Thanks you guys.
Heck it is the end of march & all our snow was gone & +22 10 days ago (snow back for a day or 2 now but should be done).
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RSVP Date: 6/1/2012
Heck it is the end of march & all our snow was gone & +22 10 days ago (snow back for a day or 2 now but should be done).
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RSVP Date: 6/1/2012
August seems way better than June though for high altitude hiking and car camping don't you think? We'll spend more time up high than in towns.
My sister was just validating what I already knew regarding my family. It's not like she squashed my hope of having a quick and dirty wedding where dad is. But yeah, my feelings were a little hurt (my mom was the queen of hurting my feelings). Some stuff they do I wonder why did I even want them at my wedding in the first place.
[QUOTE]Well the main goal for August is that we want to treat ourselves to 3 nights at Reudi Beglinger's Durrand Glacier Chalet somehwere in those 2 weeks, and only July and August dates are available. August seems way better than June though for high altitude hiking and car camping don't you think? We'll spend more time up high than in towns. My sister was just validating what I already knew regarding my family. It's not like she squashed my hope of having a quick and dirty wedding where dad is. But yeah, my feelings were a little hurt (my mom was the queen of hurting my feelings). Some stuff they do I wonder why did I even want them at my wedding in the first place.
Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>For what you have now described i would say ya August would be your best bet yes, especially if you want to be somewhere that is only available then, i find end of july to be really hot too. If they are only available those months i would finalize a date asap. </div><div>
</div><div>The orginal post made it sound like it was soooooooo cold up here in may/june, not true lol.
</div><div>I get your mom is going through a lot with your dad but there is no need to make you feel the way it seems they did. I guess that is why you eloped the first time eh? I feel for you, but i am sure you guys will have an amazing time on your own. </div><div>
</div><div>Banff & the moutains are beautiful. I would not car camp though, i would tent it lol, a little more space to stretch out. Bring lots of blankets, even in july or august it can cool off at night, especially in the mountains. Watch out for bears, be prepared. </div>
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I would not car camp though, i would tent it lol, a little more space to stretch out.
LOL! That is what I mean when I say car camping. Pitching a tent/sleeping bags near your car at a designated campground. The alternative is backpacking.
I get your mom is going through a lot with your dad but there is no need to make you feel the way it seems they did. I guess that is why you eloped the first time eh? I feel for you, but i am sure you guys will have an amazing time on your own.
Yes, I did elope the first time 10 years ago! Do you have a really good memory or what? :P I gave her 6 months heads up to save $ for a plane ticket to come to Utah because I was going to do my wedding for my family. She said, "Gee I don't know what we are doing then." I just don't think she knows how to be happy for someone else. When she does say, "I'm happy for you," it sounds so forced and fake. Even this time around, she said, "Why are you even excited about a wedding? You already live together." We just moved in after the engagement! OK, that's a different topic, but yes, thank you for understanding.
I'm so sorry that you cancelled the wedding with crappy information.
I think you should do whatever you feel like doing, especially since it seems like your parents will support any decision you make. Good luck with the planning! I know that whatever you choose, it's going to be an awesome wedding or elopement.
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RSVP Date: 6/1/2012