Overly Frustrated, Upset, Annoyed... ETC!

Re: Overly Frustrated, Upset, Annoyed... ETC!

• JordynLeighx3

  

  July 2012

  "Hey ladies, this is more of a rant than anything, I guess I just need someone to go off on and the people I want to go off on, I can't.
  So Saturday is my bridal shower and bachelorette party, my Fi's Step mom is throwing my shower and my boss is hosting the bachelorette party. I am really excited for both, I have been spending (money I do not have) on a dress for both events and getting really pumped and find out that fi's step mom decided that she may not go out for the bachelorette. Normally this wouldn't bother me but it really does!! Neither of my bridesmaids are going to be at the shower (lives in MN and work trip) so literally the only person that has helped or done anything that has to do with the wedding, my SMIL, won't be there. 
  I haven't got an RSVP in days, like 5 days to be exact. We sent out invites to 130+ people and people SUCK at returning their stuff, we have only had 58 reply yes and 6 (i think) reply no but its like SERIOUSLY I sent those out almost a month and a half ago.
  I am literally out of money, buying anything wedding related is painful. I looked at my credit card the other day (after I got paid) and I used my entire paycheck to pay off my credit card and after the weekend it is already up past 400 dollars.
  I have also gained 15 pounds since I bought my dress way back when, the dress still fits but I literally joined the gym last night because I am so stressed and depressed, I am just over it all. I am not enjoying wedding planning, I just want it all to be over with. I want someone to give me money to pay for the wedding but no one is even offering assistance. I definitely bit off more than I could chew and I am just done.
  38 days can not come fast enough because I keep telling myself there has got to be a point where all of this drama and stress becomes worth it. It has to happen... right?
  On a positive note, Fi came home last night and said, "I know you have been so stressed with wedding planning and making sure everything is done and I want you to know I appreciate you, so I bought you a massage" sooo he's a keeper and I get to go relax for an hour. "
  Firstly, ONLY 58 people responded yes...how on earth will you have enough people to have at your shower and bachelorette party with ONLY 58 people. You should probably call it off.
  Secondly, Why did you plan a wedding that you could not afford. You are entitled to nobody's money for YOUR wedding but YOUR OWN! Nobody needs to offer you any. 
  Lastly, is your FI even helping you fund these wedding "necessities"? Not to be the type of person that tells others how to spend their money but, if you're in over your head in credit card debt to pay for your wedding, why is he blowing even more on a massage for you instead of paying off your debt. Debt is not the best way to start off a marriage.

  

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• rungirl12 member

  

  July 2012

  Sorry to hear you are so stressed out.  Make the most of your bridal shower since your FSMIL will be there hosting it and spend time with her during that.  As for your bachelorette party, have a great time with those who do choose to go.  It's not a reflection on you whether people choose to attend or not - they often have real-life constraints & conflicts that are the reasons they are not attending.

  
  

  Perhaps after the wedding, if you're still short on $$, you can pick up a part time job to help put those expenses behind you?  Or, perhaps some of your wedding gifts will help out with the bills.  As for joining a gym - good for you.  There's probably not a ton of time now (as you have a lot on your plate), but perhaps going to the gym as you can for now and then buckling down after the wedding to shed those 15 lbs is the way to go.  I know you want it gone by the wedding, but if you are too busy right now, at least make an action plan for post wedding when things settle down.

  
  

  And yes, people are SO rude about RSVPing.  I just want to un-invite everyone that didn't respond.

  

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• RichNicci4211122

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  Many of us understand the financial strain that a wedding can put on a budget, I am one of those.  FI and I don't make a lot of money, and we have tried to budget the wedding within our means, but unexpected things have come up and we have had to make quite a few concessions as to what we originally wanted and what we can afford.  This has made the planning process a bit more stressful since we know what we want for a wedding but have to settle for something a little less because of money, but we know that in the end everything will be beautiful and most importantly we will be husband and wife. 
  I have been mad at my BM's for bickering over my shower and who was going to pay for what.  I've had my MOH and BM drop out of the wedding.  My veil was missing at the bridal salon for months after it was paid in full.  So we all have had things go wrong.  Just keep remembering why you are having this wedding.
  As for the people that haven't RSVP'd as of yet.  I had 120ish that I had to call.  Most of them just forgot to send the card and there were even a few that did send them but they got lost in the mail (thanks USPS), but in the end the most important thing is that you and your FI will be married and all the rest is really unimportant.  SO my advice to you is to go to your parties, enjoy the time that you have to spend with the people who show up.  Take a deep breath and step back from the planning process and re-evaluate what is important and what is just for show.  In the end you will have a beautiful wedding and everything will work out just fine.

  141 Are ready to party!
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2012

  JordanLeigh, she switched topics- the RSVPs are for the WEDDING, not the SHOWER.
  
  And even if they WERE for the shower, so what? Some people have large showers, it's not your place to tell her to call it off.
  
  Also, JMLee is a grown woman, she can spend her money however she wants. It's also not your place to be judgey about how she's spending her money.
  
  
  JMLee- I'm sorry you're stressed, it will be worth it in the end- you'll be married to your FI, who sounds wonderful!

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• libby2483 member

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  Jordan, I believe she was talking about 58 RSVPs for the wedding, not the shower. Besides, even if she does have 58 people at a shower, it is nothing to make fun of.  And being judgey about her FI getting her a message isn't very helpful either.  In my town, you can get a message for less than $10 at a cosmetology school salon. 

  
  

  JMLee, I definitely understand the whole money being tight thing.  FI and I just bought a house, and although we budgeted carefully, we have had our fridge unexepectedly need replacing and two unplanned car repairs.  I'm a little uncomforatable with how low our emergency fund has gotten.  Just work to budget carefully and possibly try to cut out any unneccessary extras that haven't been purchased, and you will be fine.  You will still be marrying the love of your life, and that is what truly matters.  He sounds like a great guy, and I know your day will be beautiful.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ohnoitskaroljo

  

  July 2012

  WOW Jordan - there was just NO need for your post, AT ALL. How judgmental and critical can you be? Back off if you have nothing nice to say!
  
  JMLee - I'm right there with you about the credit card debt. We're kinda in the same boat but we have things lined up to pay it off after the wedding (and not at all even thinking about what we MIGHT get for the wedding, that's not even counted towards anything). Try to relax, enjoy your massage (such a sweet guy for doing that for you!)

  
  

  Do you and your FI pay for things jointly? If not, maybe you could ask him if he has anything extra to put towards the wedding? If you ARE all joint (like FI and I are) just try to cut out anything that's not a necessity and if things get too tight see if you can get a small personal loan through your bank to just get you through or else just try to make it work. You're so close to the big day - it'll all be over soon! (I'm looking forward to it being over too because of the financials LOL) It'll all work out in the end. As long as you still have a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food to eat, it'll all be OK

  

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• megan8290

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  I love this board!! Thanks everyone for standing up for a stressed out bride that needed to vent.
  With that being said, OP there's no problem going to a bachelorette without any wedding party maids. Just go and have fun. My wedding is very small, only 75 guests and many out of towners so I'm going to have my bridal shower this Sunday (really close to the wedding I know, I didn't pick the date) at my MOH's place and all that's going to be there are 3 of my bridesmaids and my mom. It's not really a shower but hey, if someone wants to throw a get together why not. Just have fun. 

  
  

  I do have to call the poor planning for the budgeting part. If you are going to go over on your credit card, then you need to re-think things over. Perhaps letting a few things go? I wouldn't expect anyone to step in to help since they would assume that you already had the budget done.
  
  I know, the RSVPs are so annoying. I've definetely decided to stop being friends with a few people because I've finally realized at this point that I was the only one that actually cared about that friendship. ugh. 

  
  

  
  

   

  

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• elhoekenga member

  

  July 2012

  Jordyn - go be rude somewhere else, you arent welcomed here with your crap attitude. Or better yet, judge your own life before judging someone else's. I can't believe how rude people are!!! Enjoy your massage, jmlee! You deserve it chin up, you are so so close to being done!!

  

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• JordynLeighx3

  

  July 2012

  When you post on a public Internet forum, people are going to respond. Do I feel bad for OP that shes having a hard time figuring everything out, of course. Do I think its okay that she wants somebody else to pay for her wedding? Absolutely not. Also, the amount of people who have replied yes to the wedding is a perfectly good amount, hence the sarcasm.

  

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• ohnoitskaroljo

  

  July 2012

  Have you honestly NEVER said something that others might think is ridiculous when you're upset and in the heat of the moment? I highly doubt she would expect others to pay for her wedding - it's hard when you have to pay for it yourselves when it used to be up to the bride's parents. Maybe that is what is bothering her? That her parents haven't offered any assistance? That would bother me too - esp knowing how much I've done to help my folks out.

  
  

  We're ALL brides here going through the same stuff. Why can't we be more supportive of one another even when we get a little crazy? Why does someone have to come in and get snarky and rude and essentially try to make you feel worse? That's just ridiculous! She needed to vent, that's one of the reasons we're all here - to commiserate with eachother. So why can't we all just do that and not get snippy?

  

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• jmleejohnson

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  Sooo there are only 58 people coming to the wedding as of this moment, I know I will get more RSVP's but my future MIL said her family is very "last minute people"... I hate those kind of people.... As for friends and things that haven't responded, they have lost their RSVP's or whatever and some are telling me instead of sending back so that is ok...

  
  

  My parent (Mom) removed herself from my life a year ago. So that is the person I am pissed at for not helping me, I don't EXPECT anyone to pay for my wedding, I was just saying it would be nice.
  

  
  

  There are 30 people coming to my shower on Saturday, it seems like a lot of people to come to a bridal shower to me, but apparently not to some.. We only invited like 32 so I think that 30 coming is a good amount!!

  
  

  Money isn't tight because we are NOT in debt, it is because we are staying OUT of debt. So far the wedding is 37 days away and everything is paid off! We have NO DEBT AT ALL. We use our credit cards like debit cards and pay them off every two weeks or every month because we have the money to do that, not that I need to explain myself but my credit cards are completely paid off right now AND I have plenty of money in my checking account. Its just hard to have an entire paycheck go to one card... but thats why we have two incomes...

  
  

  The only thing that we will pay off after the wedding, at this point is the food. And that is only because we don't know exactly what the food costs are until 3 days before the wedding and we are paying everything off right now.

  
  

  Anywho, this weekend will be fun, I bought an outfit for the shower and I have one for the party and I am ready to lay in bed all.day.long. on Sunday..

  
  

  As for working out, it is going good, its all about time management for me, I don't have time a whole lot after work so I wake up at 430am, get ready and go... take a shower at the gym and get ready for work there and then leave from there. So far it is all working out really well. But I am only on day 3 hehe. I am not checking my weight like a maniac but I am really happy that I am taking my stress out on the treadmill!!

  
  

  Thanks for all of the support!

  
  

  
  

  

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