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tacky factor

annabellagreerannabellagreer
10 Comments
in Idaho
so... I'm going to try this again.  Originally I posted this in the "Etiquette" board (which I think there are A LOT of brides who don't quite understand what etiquette is because there are tons of posts that have nothing to do with it...).  I got lots of responses, almost all of which were extremely rudely put.  So I thought, since sometimes these etiquette issues are sometimes regional, and differ on say the east coast vs. the west coast or even Seattle vs. LA... so to cover my bases, I'll repost here in Idaho and see what you all think, and not let my FI see the responses, his sweet little feeling got hurt.  :(

My FI and I started a what we're calling the "Money Hoon Jar".  We got a glass jar, decorated it all cute and slit a hole in the top.  When we cuss, we owe the jar a quarter.  Then all the money in our Money Hoon jar we will use as play money on our honey moon.

This morning my FI had the idea to bring it to the reception and tell our guests it's something we're putting towards the honeymoon and if they want they could contribute too.  we would do this along with or in place of a "money dance" or something.

I'm worried it may come off as "tacky".

Advice is welcome.  Yay or Nay?
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Re: tacky factor

  • andrewsgirl745andrewsgirl745 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well Im gonna assume that you got the right responses at the etiquette board. Asking your guests for money at your wedding is RUDE. there is no way around it. They are your guests who have probably already gotten you a present and even if you dont set aside a time for putting money in the jar it is still asking your guests for money which is always inappropriate.

    Really no matter how cute you think it is it is always going to be rude. Just because you didnt get validation for your horrible idea at another board doesnt really mean you should post it on a different board and hope it works out there. Its your wedding so you can do what you want but asking a million different people until you get the response you want doesnt make it ok.

    im not trying to be rude but hun you asked a question about etiquette and the answer is simple, your idea is not proper etiquette.
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  • kelly-seankelly-sean member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry but I agree with the PP.  It is very tacky and innapropriate to ask for money in any way, shape or form.  Gift registry information shouldn't even be shared in a wedding invitation because while most guests give gifts, it is not a requirement, and it is rude to ask and assume.  While the idea is cute, it is rude especially because most guests who are going to give you a gift will do so at the wedding, so it is like asking for more on top of what they have already given you.  So yeah, not OK.  Your mom's might use it as a cute anecdote to tell her friends, and they might hear it and decide to give you money, but no, don't take it to the wedding. 
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  • MomDelightedMomDelighted member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm helping my daughter's wedding plans out in Idaho (where I was born and reared) but have lived on the East Coast the past 30 years. 

    This is one of those areas where there are regional differences and, frankly, even ethnic differences within the same region.    In certain ethnic groups (such as Italian or Jewish), it's not uncommon to find that the "expectations" are that people will buy a gift from a registry list to send ahead or bring to a wedding shower, and then later, that they might also bring a card with a check or cash to the wedding reception.  If one goes "light" on the registry gift, one might go "heavier" on the cash gift and vice versa.   There is usually a decorated bird cage or something comparable to accept such gifts at the reception. 

    In the more WASPy circles, the very notion of bringing anything to the wedding as a gift  - wrapped or in a card -- is waaaay off-limits.  Any kind of gift is for "sending ahead" and the reception is a one-way street of the wedding hosts (bride's parents, or both sets of parents, or the couple) extending themselves to thank people for showing up to share the joy of the occasion.

    My lean is in the direction of finding it "tacky" to solicit for gifts in any way, shape or form at the wedding / reception.   It kind of falls into the situation of "if you have to ask if it's acceptable, then it probably isn't" ...
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  • youreastonefoxxyoureastonefoxx member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    People are so rude on this board.  I say go for it!  It's absolutely regional, and I don't think I would be offeded if someone did that at a wedding I attended. I would probably put money in the jar!  You know the people that will be coming to your wedding and whether they will be offended or not. All of the weddings that I have been to in Idaho are just a celebration of love and family, and the support everyone wants to give.  I don't know many people that worry about most apsects of weddings in Idaho, except to have fun.

    Don't get too distracted to whether people like the idea of it or not ONLINE.  They don't know you, so they are apt to be rude when it's unnecessary.  You will go crazy if you don't remember that your wedding is about you and your fiance, highlight fun things about you like that. If they don't want to donate, they just won't.

    Good luck!
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  • stephanieg2009stephanieg2009
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I grew up in Idaho, but currently reside in Northern Virginia and in both places I've gotten the "rude and unacceptable" response as well.  Personally I don't think it really matters, but if you're concerned about it being tacky, another consideration might be to do a "money dance".....I had a friend who got married last year and they did a money dance, and enough was contributed for them to make a down payment on a newer car! 

    So if you're looking for "play money", or even money to put toward bills or your honeymoon expenses, this may be something to consider as well.
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  • syringa10syringa10
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have llived in Idaho all my life and the money jar would definitely be controversial, if not considered downright rude. As the first responder posted, guests shouldn't be expected to bring a gift and also contribute to your honeymoon fund. I vote a resounding no.
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  • FineporcelainFineporcelain
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am probably super late with this but why don't you use any money that comes in as a wedding gift as your honeymoon money? That way nobodywould be offended.
    You know you are truly blessed when you find that one who completes you,makes you totally happy, and feels your pain from the other room. The one you feel lost without, the one that makes you laugh, the one that makes you cry. The one that makes you wonder how you can be so lucky. Congratulations to everyone who has found "the one."
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  • fishfromheavenfishfromheaven
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This isn't a unique idea, I've heard of a lot of couples asking their guests to contribute to a honeymoon fund instead of buying gifts.  This is usually the case if the couple already lives together and already has all the stuff that would be on a normal wedding registry.  It's probably better if you let people know in advance, so that guests who bring gifts to the wedding won't feel pressured to give you money in addition to any gift they might have purchased.  I'd do a gift registry OR a honeymoon fund, but not both.

    As to whether it's rude or not, that totally depends on your family and friends.  I know mine wouldn't have a problem with it, but some other families or friends might.
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