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Help! Kind of Long...

MilitaryBride2BeMilitaryBride2Be
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in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
Ok so I'm getting married in April and I'm currently living in TX so I've been planning from out of state. Its been really difficult to try to keep other people in involved like my FMIL, mom, and bridesmaids. All of them want to help but they each live in different states (except my mom and 2/5 bridesmids who live in MN). I think I'm doing a pretty good job keeping my mom informed and asking her about her opinions and the ocasionaly wedding related errand. The biggest problems I'm having is my FMIL. Shes a wonderful person, and we get along great but shes insanely busy. She wants to be involved in the planning and I'm trying to incorporate some details she suggested a long time ago but its nearly impossible to get a hold of her recently! It was like pulling teeth to get a guest list of people she wanted and I asked her for their addresses 3 weeks ago and haven't heard back at all. Not even a "ok I'll get it to you soon I'm swamped at work" or anything. I asked my fiance if he could help but hes like yea shes really busy and said he'd mention it a while ago. I've had the STDs for a while and would like to get them sent out. The few times I do talk to her she always says "let me know if you need help, I want to help!" She was remarried a few years ago so her wedding was still fresh in her mind. Sometimes when I talk about hiring people to do things for the wedding, for example making boutineres and corsages, FI says that she made all those herself and that she could do ours. I'm not totally opposed to this (maybe a little nervous though because I'm a control freak) but I need her to be able to communicate with me if thats going to happen. What do you ladies reccommend I do? I want her involved as much as she wants to be but I'm at a loss because she always so busy! I just don't want her to feel like I'm excluding her. My FI and her are really close so I know the wedding is a big deal to her too...
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Re: Help! Kind of Long...

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    Bimbi284Bimbi284 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm that's a tough one! I know your pain about planning from out of state, cuz I did it too! Pretty much the same situation as far as people being in different states, including DH.

    As for the mom, I say stick to one thing at a time, like getting those addresses. If she openly gives a suggestion or two, consider it. As far as your FI saying your FMIL could "probably" do your floral things too, you could spin it from the direction that you want her to enjoy the weeks and days ahead as well as they day of with no stress, and since she is so busy now, you feel it would be nice to have others (hired people) do these things for you guys so that no one is stressing.

    I kept my FMIL involved by letting her plan the Rehearsal dinner. We had all decided on the location together, I made the initial contact to get some overall info, and then handed the reigns over to her. The only thing I else I did for  that was make the RD invites and send those out. Perhaps that would be an option for you? If not, maybe there is one other task that she can do from her side that would be helpful to you?
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    MilitaryBride2BeMilitaryBride2Be
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    edited December 2011
    FMIL hasn't said anything about hosting a rehersal dinner. I feel like of weird bring it up to her so I was going to have FI do it. Shes never been to Minneapolis, so I don't think she would know where to hold it but I would be happy to help her. My mom said that if she didn't plan to host that then she could step in. I don't know if I want her to do that though. While the dinner could be very small with just the bridal party and immediate family, my parents are trying really hard to help with the wedding (FI and I are paying for 90% of it) so I don't want to put more on them financially.
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I like Bimbi's suggestion of spinning things of "you want her to be able to enjoy the days leading up to the wedding" when it comes to the subject of bout's and such.  Honestly, handing that over to a florist is the way to go given that they're a project that needs to be done at the last minute.  As much of a control freak as you might consider yourself to be it's one of the BEST things you can do to hand some things over to the pro's and let them handle it for you. 

    Talk to your FI about getting those addresses together and guest list finalized so you can get a better guage of how many guests are going to be in attendance.  I remember my DH sending out invites the day before our RSVP date to some people, yea, NOT impressed!, OTOH be willing to let things like that go as hard as it is. 

    Frustrating as it is, just recognize that this is the way the FIL's are, and just go ahead and hire the things out that are stressing you, you won't regret it OTOH, you will regret taking too much on and running around without a break the weeks leading up to the wedding.  There's a reason they say "Hindsight is 20/20!!"
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    I Want CakeI Want Cake
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs about hiring out what you can, especially the flowers.  I had wanted to do them myself, since I do have a bit of experience, but in the end, I don't think I'll honestly have enough time to do them right and I don't want to put the burden on anyone else who isn't being paid.

    In the last few days, there will probably be plenty of details that need to be taken care of that your FMIL will be able to help with, and if not, then she still gets to enjoy the day just the same.
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    brimavenbrimaven member
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    edited December 2011
    I'd say honesty is the best policy. You need to (nicely) tell you FMIL that while you appreciate her help, you do need her to get you the addresses in order to stay on schedule. As for the flowers, just hire someone. That way they will be done right, and on time. You might pay a little, but it is one less thing to worry about.

    If anyone hassles you about it just tell them you have a schedule, and if they can't stick to it, then you need to find someone who can.
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