HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!

sheenammeder · November 2010

Went BM dress shopping this weekend with half my bridal party. After 2 stores and 2 hours the girls decided between 2 dress styles.

Originally I told the girls they could all pick different styles as long as the fabrics and colors were the same. I want them to feel like themselves, feel beautiful and comfortable.

The 3 of them ended up choosing 2 very different dresses that even in the same colors could not be worn together. One really wants one style, the other wants the other and the third BM likes both.

The first is a more simple a-line with rouching and a sweetheart neckline and a lace-up back. $159

The second is a very opulent gown with a train, pick ups, boning in the bodice and jewels. We will be changing the neckline to a sweetheart- after alterations $225

I really wanted to let the girls pick the dresses but they are making me choose between the two. I showed my fiance and he hated the opulent one. He said "your the bride why should they get a train?" He thought it was way to fancy for a BM dress.

What do you guys think? You don't think my BM are trying to compete with me by choosing such a fancy dress?

*These are not my colors
The pictures dont show a lot of the detail. The teal dress has a lot of jewels.
Both are from Alfred Angelo.

Thank you for your help!

SSaltzman87 · November 2010

If they're trying to 'compete' with you- then you need new friends.

Who cares what dresses they pick as long as they respected the guidelines you gave them?

sheenammeder · November 2010

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=211f3bbc-3f1a-43bf-a65d-e71020e5668a&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=

sheenammeder · November 2010

http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?style=7041

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:0c4d42b7-b7bf-49eb-b464-478abc343f12">HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]Went BM dress shopping this weekend with half my bridal party. After 2 stores and 2 hours the girls decided between 2 dress styles. Originally I told the girls they could all pick different styles as long as the fabrics and colors were the same. I want them to feel like themselves, feel beautiful and comfortable. The 3 of them ended up choosing 2 very different dresses that even in the same colors could not be worn together. One really wants one style, the other wants the other and the third BM likes both. The first is a more simple a-line with rouching and a sweetheart neckline and a lace-up back. $159 The second is a very opulent gown with a train, pick ups, boning in the bodice and jewels. We will be changing the neckline to a sweetheart- after alterations $225 I really wanted to let the girls pick the dresses but they are making me choose between the two. I showed my fiance and he hated the opulent one. He said "your the bride why should they get a train?" He thought it was way to fancy for a BM dress. What do you guys think? You don't think my BM are trying to compete with me by choosing such a fancy dress? *These are not my colors The pictures dont show a lot of the detail. The teal dress has a lot of jewels. Both are from Alfred Angelo. Thank you for your help!
Posted by sheenammeder[/QUOTE]

They aren't trying to compete with you. You're the bride, you'll be the one with the white dress on. Just because someone is in a dress with a trane doesn't mean they are trying to steal your thunder.

Those dresses look fine together. You told them they could pick, and they did. Just let them each get the one the like.

Just out of curiousity, why would you change the neckline of a dress?

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

I don't understand why you think those can't be worn together. They look just fine to me. And clearly someone thought that a train on a bridesmaid dress was fine, otherwise it wouldn't exist.

AutumnFair · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:0c4d42b7-b7bf-49eb-b464-478abc343f12">HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]Went BM dress shopping this weekend with half my bridal party. After 2 stores and 2 hours the girls decided between 2 dress styles. Originally I told the girls they could all pick different styles as long as the fabrics and colors were the same. I want them to feel like themselves, feel beautiful and comfortable. The 3 of them ended up choosing 2 very different dresses that even in the same colors could not be worn together. One really wants one style, the other wants the other and the third BM likes both. The first is a more simple a-line with rouching and a sweetheart neckline and a lace-up back. $159 The second is a very opulent gown with a train, pick ups, boning in the bodice and jewels. We will be changing the neckline to a sweetheart- after alterations $225 I really wanted to let the girls pick the dresses but they are making me choose between the two. I showed my fiance and he hated the opulent one. He said "your the bride why should they get a train?" He thought it was way to fancy for a BM dress. What do you guys think? You don't think my BM are trying to compete with me by choosing such a fancy dress? *These are not my colors The pictures dont show a lot of the detail. The teal dress has a lot of jewels. Both are from Alfred Angelo. Thank you for your help!
Posted by sheenammeder[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Your BMs are not going to "compete" with you, trust me. That being said the both look good and I do not see why you can't just go back to your original plan of just letting THEM pick any dress they want. So just let your BMs decide what dress that each of them wants.

</div>

TheCranberry · November 2010

If they've asked you to cast the deciding vote, choose the one you like better. I prefer the one on the left. Your friends are probably not trying to compete with you.

In general, I don't think the BM dresses should be more formal or fancier than the bride's dress.

sheenammeder · November 2010

We are changing the neckline for a couple of reasons: because the girls and I found a sweetheart more flattering and my dress has a sweetheart and I thought it would compliment my dress nicely.

I guess I could put my 2 MOHS in the fancier one and the rest of the BM in the other one??

ekilzer1 · November 2010

I think those dresses look fine together!

If you are really against the train, you could ask them to have it removed and just have floor length, but you did tell them they could wear any dress they wanted. The only guidelines you gave were color and material, so I would just let it go.

sheenammeder · November 2010

We are changing the neckline for a couple of reasons: because the girls and I found a sweetheart more flattering and my dress has a sweetheart and I thought it would compliment my dress nicely.

I guess I could put my 2 MOHS in the fancier one and the rest of the BM in the other one??

AutumnFair · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:5f0fab05-6281-469d-be3f-f9b8751d81ff">Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are changing the neckline for a couple of reasons: because the girls and I found a sweetheart more flattering and my dress has a sweetheart and I thought it would compliment my dress nicely. I guess I could put my 2 MOHS in the fancier one and the rest of the BM in the other one??
Posted by sheenammeder[/QUOTE]

<div>I hope you are paying for alterations because to request a BM to fork over more cash just it can compliment your dress is kind of ridiculous. </div>

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:5f0fab05-6281-469d-be3f-f9b8751d81ff">Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are changing the neckline for a couple of reasons: because the girls and I found a sweetheart more flattering and my dress has a sweetheart and I thought it would compliment my dress nicely. I guess I could put my 2 MOHS in the fancier one and the rest of the BM in the other one??
Posted by sheenammeder[/QUOTE]

Thats not really telling them pick any dress you want. Honestly, I think you are fine to have them in all different styles, and different necklines. I had a sweetheart neckline, 3 of my BMs picked a sweetheart style dress, and 2 picked a y-neck style dress. It didn't make one difference what the neckline is. Your BM's dresses don't have to compliment your dress.

sheenammeder · November 2010

I guess I was also concerned that 2 of my other BM are plus size- do you think the more opulent dress with a tight bodice and boning would be comfortable on a plus size BM?

And I didn't have a problem with the train in the first place- my fiance did.

Beachy730 · November 2010

No I think that would be fine on the plus size BM. She would be ordering the dress in her size. But FWIW, boning gets uncomfortable on me after a while regardless, and I'm not plus size.

I guess I'm not really understanding. Did you tell your girls they could all pick out whatever dress they want to wear? Or did you tell them that collectively they could agree on a BM dress? I was assuming by your OP that you meant the former. But the more you're talking about how they would feel in the dress I feel like its the latter. Please clarify.

AutumnFair · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:bc10e19f-efac-4a4a-b2ad-b986c874376b">Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I was also concerned that 2 of my other BM are plus size- do you think the more opulent dress with a tight bodice and boning would be comfortable on a plus size BM? And I didn't have a problem with the train in the first place- my fiance did.
Posted by sheenammeder[/QUOTE]

<div>Again, what happened to you just letting them pick their own dress individually?</div><div>
</div><div>Yeah, a man does not get to talk about what other women should wear in a wedding, so his opinion is out. Plus I'm sure he was just trying to make <em>you</em> happy,<em> not</em> your friends/family who actually have to buy and wear the dress. </div>

marinabreeze · November 2010

Not seeing how this would constitute competition. Besides, I agree with AutumnFair, FI gets no input on dresses...he's not wearing them. I also think they could work fine together without needless alterations to "complement" the bride. Go with your original plan to let them choose their own dresses.

As far as your plus-size BMs are concerned, it depends on their shape and their own personal preference. "Plus-sized" women aren't all shaped alike. But even more importantly, it's an individual preference, not just a size issue. I am plus-sized and top-heavy, especially in the chest. I prefer boning and structure to a dress and I feel more put-together that way. I'm the kind of person who would wear a corset for extra support with a formal dress, especially if the dress itself didn't have the support built in. But there are others that aren't like that and find boning and more structured clothing to be confining and uncomfortable. So again, it'll be best to let them choose.

lavieboheme73 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:bc10e19f-efac-4a4a-b2ad-b986c874376b">Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I was also concerned that 2 of my other BM are plus size- do you think the more opulent dress with a tight bodice and boning would be comfortable on a plus size BM?
Posted by sheenammeder[/QUOTE]

As I plus sized woman myself, I beg of you, PLEASE do not use this as an excuse to tell your bridesmaids not to wear that dress. If the bridesmaids who chose that dress are plus sized, they're clearly ok with the tight bodice and boning and think they look ok in it. I actually prefer boning in my formalwear, as it lends some shape that might not be there otherwise.

sheenammeder · November 2010

First off- yes I was letting my girls choose their dresses, but they INSISTED that I choose between the 2 styles because "im the bride". I find them so different and just wanted some simple opinions on the styles of the gowns. I felt one looked more like a prom dress and wanted to see if anyone agreed.

My finace's opinion DOES matter- its his wedding too! Im so sick and tired of having people tell me "he doesn't get a say". That's laughable to me. He is a very involved groom, my biggest support system and knows me to a 't'. He was the one that put the idea in my head about one dress being "too fancy with the possibility of their dresses over-shadowing mine" because he cares about me and knows this is our day.

I was merely looking for simple opinions on the dresses. Every wedding I have ever been to has always had BM in simple gowns- I had never seen such an opulent BM dress. My 2 other plus-size BM have completely differenct body types, I know not every plus-size girl is the same. Thats why I was asking for opinions.

sheenammeder · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:254a274a-ad7d-46e6-806b-5a6ae80e953a">Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]If they've asked you to cast the deciding vote, choose the one you like better. I prefer the one on the left. Your friends are probably not trying to compete with you. In general, I don't think the BM dresses should be more formal or fancier than the bride's dress.
Posted by TheCranberry[/QUOTE]

Thats the kind of opinion I was looking for. Thank you for being straight-forward.

sheenammeder · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:674b9902-2fda-42f3-ba5d-c07799c528b6">Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue! : I hope you are paying for alterations because to request a BM to fork over more cash just it can compliment your dress is kind of ridiculous.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

All three girls asked ME if they could change the necklines. After I inquired as to the additional fee, they agreed it was fine.

lavieboheme73 · November 2010

The second time you stated your reasoning, it made more sense to me. Sorry I didn't get it the first time! Sometimes, I'm a bit slow on the uptake.

Usually, the easiest way to deal with that situation, if you're totally against having them wear two different dresses, is to go with the majority vote. Alternatively, you could suggest that everyone scrap both choices and choose something completely different.

As far as letting FI have a say in the dresses, if you feel he should have a say, let him have a say. It's just not common, so I think that's where the PPs were coming from. It also kind of sounds like you didn't have any problem with the more ornate dress until he said he had a problem with it. That may not be the case, it's just what I understood from what you said. Sometimes, too many cooks can spoil the soup, and you have to go with your opinion and yours alone, know what I mean?

chocoholic4life · November 2010

I like the one without the train, but go with whichever you like. Or you could ask the rest of your bridal party to vote too. Make sure you don't leave them out of this decision or you may get some drama.

I think your FI gets just as much say in the dresses as you do. Neither of you are wearing them, so your first priority is to make sure all the BMs are happy. If they turn the decision to you, there is no reason that FI can't have a say...unless he is completely clueless on women's fasion like most men.

Habs2Hart · November 2010

If they all agree both dresses are fine, I like the simpler one.

Pick the one you and Fl both like. It is his wedding too and as long as the girls are happy with one of the two, then there you go. The simpler one is also less expensive.

I personally don't care for the back of the more detailed gown. It is too "prom" for my tastes.

sheenammeder · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-opinion-bm-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0ac3951e-221e-4b9f-bf83-3ca57808f35cPost:a31d2017-de19-4db1-a9a5-e8263e435855">Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]if you're totally against having them wear two different dresses, is to go with the majority vote.
Posted by lavieboheme73[/QUOTE]

Good suggestion!!! I think that is what I will have to do!

sheenammeder · November 2010

Thanks everyone! I pretty much have made up my mind

AllAboutTheBenjamin · November 2010

Here, I'll give you an opinion.

They're both lovely dresses. I don't think they go together, though. They want you to choose a dress? Choose a dress. You already know which dress you want to choose so just pick it. Who cares.

I think the one with the train isn't necessary. The other one is very nice. I don't think they're trying to upstage you or anything, but I wouldn't have my bridesmaids in trains. I think they look ridiculous on bridesmaids.

Just my two cents.

Matty143 · November 2010

I am really shocked that everyone on this said that a train on a BM dress was fine.
I can say that my friends (and I, Ive been a BM several times in the last few years) would NEVER even consider a dress with a train. I think your Fiance and you are both right for questioning that. Either way Im sure you made the right decision.

AutumnFair · November 2010

Why it shouldn't matter with the train.

1. It's a dress, unless the BMs are getting white dresses I don't think they are going to be mistaken for the Bride.

2. The train on it isn't very long (IMHO).

3. Since this is designer BM dress, I would assume that it is meant for BMs.

I've been in and attended plenty of weddings, I really don't ever notice if they have a train or not. Maybe I just don't focus on people's outfits besides the Brides.

HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!

Re: HELP! Need opinion on BM dress issue!

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